To Boddah
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpletion who obviously would
rather be an emascluated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty
easy to understand. All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over
the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics
involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven
to be very true . I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as
creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I
feel guilty beyond words about about these things. For example when we're
backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins, it
doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddy Mercury, who seemed to
love, relish in the love and adoration from the crowd, which is something I
totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It
simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to
rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun.
Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk
out on stage . I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and
I do, God believeme I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that
I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of
those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too
sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I
once had as a child. On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better
appreciation for all the people I've known personally and as fans of our
music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I
have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love
people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad
little sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just
enjoy it? I dont know! I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and
empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be , full
of love and joy , kissing every person she meets because everyone is good
and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point where I can
barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the
miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become. I have it good,
very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become
hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for
people to get along and have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry
for people too much I guess. Thank you all from the pit of my burning,
nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm
too much of an erratic, moody, baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and
so remember, it's better to burn out then to fade away. Peace, Love,
Empathy Kurt Cobain Frances and courtney, I'll be at your altar. Pleas keep
going Courtney, for Frances. For her life, which will be so much happier
without me. I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!

(Kurt Cobain)