את זה כתבתי די מזמן, לפני שנה בערך, לבית ספר... חשבתי
שאולי זה ישעשע אתכם (במחילה מכבודו של הקדוש טולקין).

In a hole in the ground lived Bilbo Baggins, he's a Hobbit
Tolkien keeps inventing creatures, make him stop it!
And why would he live in a hole in the ground?
I guess he couldn't pay the rent, so the landlord kicked him
out

That Hobbit liked to rest a lot and eat
He liked ale and cookies because he couldn't afford meat
He enjoyed thinking of life and drinking ale, round after
round
And to smoke his pipe blowing smoke rings outside his hole
in the ground

The Baggins members were always calm, adventures made them
sick
They liked to stay home, eat and rest, staying away from any
trick
But that Hobbit was also the son of Beladona Took
Who's family always liked adventures and partying by the
book

One day as Bilbo was enjoying his pipe, smoking illegal
things
Thinking about the movie contract for "The Lord Of the
Rings"
A stranger came, just like that in the middle of the day
It was Gandulf, the wizard, who came from far away

"Oh my God, it's Gandulf the mighty wizard! I must get my
autograph book!"
"Chill out, Shorty, and listen carefully you son of a Took!
I'll ruin your cheap door by making a crack
Since I'm too old and senile to remember you when I come
back"

Then he was gone, leaving Bilbo to wonder and think
"I always told that old geezer that he shouldn't drink"
However, the next day left dear Bilbo in an awkward
situation
When an unexpected company came to show him his destination

7 dwarves came, one after another, without being invited
But poor Bilbo kept his good manners, "Nice to meet you",
"Delighted!"
They told him he should ride with them as a burglar, on
ponies and a wagon
To help them recover a treasure from the ugly stinking
dragon

All of his arguments couldn't help him one bit
And by the next morning he realized that this is it
"These crazy dwarves really want their dough, so I better
get a grip
Now let me use my pipe to experience one last trip"

So they rode on and on, during cold and heavy rain
"Gandulf you idiot" he thought "I'm gonna cause you pain"
Bilbo hated adventures..."take me home, that's all I
want!"
He wanted nothing to do with this ridiculous treasure hunt

Then they saw trolls...eating tasty juicy meat
"Poor stupid creatures...can't even read"
Thorin the leader told him to go and steal the food
Threatening him that if he won't, his dwarves would smash
him good

Bilbo the rookie burglar, knew nothing of his job
And soon the hungry trolls caught him trying to rob
"Look at this small creature, maybe there's more of his
kind!"
And running to catch the dwarves, they threw Bilbo behind

The dwarves were caught and almost eaten, and then Gandulf
came
The sunlight turned the trolls to stone as he hummed
"Killing In The Name"
Meanwhile Bilbo found a treasure that was stolen by the
trolls
"Now I can buy a house! No more living in holes!"

They presently reached Rivendale, a land of snob arrogant
elves
Where they fell on their beards and made fools of
themselves
Then they visited Elrond, ate, drank and slept
And then went on to search for the dragon and carry out
their theft

The dwarves and Bilbo kept traveling, cursing and telling
dirty jokes
When they found a dry cave to camp in and drink their
Diet-Cokes
And as they fell asleep, snoring to keep away the flies
The Goblins came in, and caught them by surprise

Again Gandulf came to rescue, frying the King of Goblins on
his very throne
"You horrible worthless babies, can't you for once do on
your own?!"
And during the escape, Bilbo fell, got lost, and met Golum
who was very near
And was forced to play riddles with him, but took his Ring
as a souvenir

As he managed to get out with his ring, he met his friends
who were well-hidden "Hey! Here's the Burglar who couldn't
take if he were given!"
But then a roar was heard...Bilbo almost lost his head
The Goblins came back to crush them dead

This time the Eagles saved them, and even gave them a ride
Straight to Mirkwood Forest. "You walked in - you died!"
Now Gandulf left them, telling them his job was through
"You think I'll go into this death forest just for you?!"

They got through the forest, escaping Spiders, Wood Elves,
and having nothing to eat
Eventually met some humans who helped them and got them back
on their feet
Now it was finally time to complete the horrendous mission
To help the dwarves once and for all with their silly
treasure obsession

Bilbo went into the dragon Smaug's chamber, trying to steal
some stuff
But of course, because of his crummy luck, Smaug caught
him...tough!
Breathing fire and burned Bilbo's behind, he caused more
pain then you can measure
Then he flew to fight the humans, leaving the dwarves the
treasure

The humans killed Smaug, but asked for a share of the gold
Then came the Wood Elves and demanded some too, (their king
was quite bald)
So they decided to fight the very next day, the situation
was a wreck
"You'll get me killed!" cried Bilbo "Damn you to heck!"

However like always in this way to long story
The Goblins always save the day, trying to steal the glory
So everyone had to fight the Goblins, no for gold but for
life
Using whatever they had, stone stick or knife

Eventually the Dwarves got the gold, and Bilbo went home
"Mr. Baggins! Where were you? God, you're as dirty as a
gnome!"
"I went to help some dwarves steal a gold from a dragon, I
was captain of a mad crew
I met Goblins, Trolls, I almost died! How about you?"

And so we end this miserable tale of the burglar who
couldn't steal
And from now on Bilbo was thankful for every next meal
That was his last adventure. He promised himself: never
more!
So if you ever see an old wizard with a bunch of dwarves,
hurry and lock your door!