I've learned-
that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is
stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned-
that no matter how much I care, some people are just
buttholes.

I've learned-
that it takes years to build up trust and a minute of
suspicion to destroy it.

I've learned -
that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you'd better have a big dick or huge tits.

I've learned-
that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are
more messed up than you think.

I've learned-
that it's taking me a long time to sleep with the person I
want.

I've learned-
you should always leave loved ones with loving words. You
may need to borrow money.

I've learned-
that either you control your attitude or you will be offered
medication.

I've learned-
that money is a great substitute for character.

I've learned-
that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're
down will be the ones who do so.

I've learned-
that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want
them to doesn't mean you can't take advantage of them when
they're passed out and naked in your bed.

I've learned-
that your family won't always be there for you. Unless, of
course, you win the lottery.

I've learned-
that no matter how good a guy is, he'll eventually revert.

I've learned-
that no matter how badly your heart is broken, therapy is
still expensive.

I've learned-
that we don't have to ditch bad friends because their
dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.

I've learned-
that two people can screw the exact same person and compare
notes.

I've learned-
that no matter how you try to protect your children, they
will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.

I've learned-
that the people you care most about in life are taken from
you too soon. And all the less important ones just never go
away.

I've learned-
To say "Screw 'em if they can't take a joke" in 6 languages.