Anorexia, by the medical dictionary it's "the lack of
appetite, abhorrence of food a disease usually occurring in
female adolescents. Dieting may start to lose real or
imagined excess of weight and the patience becomes
progressively less able to eat any food." In 7th grade I
started to select whatever came to my mouth. By the end of
grade 11th I started to count those green pills also called
"Laxatives" that came to my mouth after I swallowed
something.
 
I was never fat, nor skinny. I loved food, enjoyed munching
junk food and never heard of the word "calorie". In my last
year of elementary, I started noticing I wasn't like the
rest of the girls in my class. We used to have those "Friday
Night Parties" at friends` houses and that year the "innest"
outfit was a black pair of "bell bottom" pants  and a white
blouse. It was ridiculous how all the girls went with the
same outfit, though I decided to get one too. My mom tried
to convince me it didn't flatter me, and my ears were closed
to listen. The first party I went after getting that outfit,
I ended up crying all night in the bathroom, after "I had
been fortunate" to have all the attention in the party. From
that event the ball has been rolling down hill

Between end of 6th grade and beginning of 7th, I stopped
eating. Everything that belonged to the 2 groups called
"fats" and "sweets". No food between the meals, and those
were served on small plates. Since my body wasn't used to
these new amounts of food, I started loosing weight
drastically. I was happy, I felt different, my
selfconfidence increased. As the KGs "got off", problems
showed up. Since I have never in my life eaten, or even
tasted vegetables/ fruits, my situation was even worse than
a regular person. In my lowest point, without 13kg, with an
obsession to sport, hairs came off, I was non stop shivering
and sleeping, my "TSH" was hurt my PMS was lost for the next
half a year. I was slim and my soul still held those KGs
that I had lost.

Fortunately, my family was always my back. My mom who had
passed the same thing knew exactly my way of thinking, and
could have predicted every next step I would have been
thinking of taking. My parents took me all over Israel to
the best professors, I have gone through every treatment and
blood works. It seemed like the whole world was talking to
me trying to help out and I was on a different planet. I
grew up and started finally to understand my
problem. Or even harder, to try and help myself, and accept
other's help.

Anorectic patients never recover completely. However,
understanding myself helped me to go through half of the way
out. I have my days when I feel "fat" and then I won't eat,
I have others when a little voice inside of me orders me to
start eating, cause I'm going back again. I realized that
anorexia is overall a self war among my body- craves for
food, my soul wishes for a model image, and my will in the
middle. I assume that if I had enough will to fight against
my body, when I wanted to, I will now have enough of it to
find moderation between both, and keep myself not only
alive, but also healthy. I now take only one of those green
pills once in a while. Not 3 nor 4. Hopefully in the future,
it will become zero.