I take a deep breath. I look up at you just to see you
staring at me. You lean forward until our foreheads are
almost touching. You cross your fingers together, nervously
rubbing your hands. You look at me in the eye... you say
nothing, yet your eyes say it all. You don't even blink... I
won't even let you blink, from now on you're under my
control... it's me pulling the strings.

I can't help but lose myself in your look. The small
eyebrows, slightly sideward when you frown. Those
deep-brown, angelic eyes... I've always said there's
something in them. This magical, dark feeling that sweeps me
off my feet every time. The warmness, the care, the
concern... a special kind of depth. The way they cross
themselves with my looks even when you try to hide it. The
way your purely irresistible lips pout when you're nervous,
just before you lean even closer just in time to whisper a
gentle 'I love you' in my ear. Just in time to press your
finger against my chin and brush your lips against mine, to
hold my hand in yours.

And that's when I feel this pinch, this familiar feeling of
butterflies in your stomach when you're in love... when
you're near me. The way your hand holds me firmly, almost
scared of letting go. The way your lips capture mine and
nibble them, the way your fingers caress my hair. I feel
dizzy and out of control... thousands of thoughts speeding
through my mind but there's a specific image of you as I
start to go over it in my mind.

They'd said it would be raining that day, and for once they
were right. I'd been waiting by the bus-station for twenty
minutes when raindrops joined my tears and streamed in
harmony all over my face; I'd been crying that day, I'd been
crying over you. The way you seemed to ignore me and the way
I needed someone to hug, I needed you to hold me and you
weren't there. And at that moment, when I suddenly felt the
urge to hate you because I loved you too much, I suddenly
felt my heart pounding. I couldn't breathe properly, the
adrenalin running through my vains without stopping... I
suddenly felt your eyes on me. And when I turned my look
towards where you were standing, I felt my heart beating
faster. There you were, standing in your navy coat, hands
tucked in your pockets, the air painted white every time you
exhaled. Your head was bent down but your eyes were focused
on me. Uncertain of what to do next, you coughed lightly and
slowly neared closer. I'd frozen in my seat by that moment,
when you noticed the empty seat next to me and sunk in.
Rubbing your hands together nervously to warm them, you
looked at me in the eye and smiled. That familiar pinch
again... you smiled at me. And I lost myself in your eyes
again, just like an addict wanting to feel that marvelous
feeling of getting high. Unconsciously I started pinching my
fingernails, biting my lip, tapping my foot on the ground. I
blinked for a moment, when suddenly the world seemed to
revolve around us. From that moment on, nothing else seemed
to matter: not the bus that had already passed, not the
rain, not the sound of horns all over the road. Just you and
me, locked in a stare, frozen in our seats. And that's when
your hand slowly took mine, shakingly crossing our fingers
together. That was my turn to smile, and then to blush when
you slowly leaned forward until our foreheads were almost
touching. I closed my eyes and waited for that dreamy
feeling of your lips on mine that never came...

I bring myself back to reality when our lips part and you
pull away. I open my eyes and watch you look at me but then
down a moment after. You're blushing... you're embarrassed.
This one sentence makes me jump in my seat,
"CUT! Well done you two. Next scene please!"
Instead of getting up, I get myself ready for another
heartache. I watch you get up and walk over to this other
girl who's been waiting the whole time. I feel this pinch
again in my heart when you kiss her... a different kind of
pinch. Not the same, familiar one that makes me smile, but
the one that brings tears to my eyes. It works every time...
it's working now.
Why is life so unfair? I know I love you and I know you know
it as well. And I know how you felt that day... why turning
up against me all of sudden? Breaking my heart every time I
see you. And then I realise this depth I always see in your
eyes is probably fake. Oh, how I wish it wasn't that hard to
forget about you. Instead, I let myself drown in misery and
pain, every time a bit of me still wishing you were there to
hold my hand again, to give me a hug... I need you so much
to be with me right now.