.Even through the mass of people she could feel his gaze
She'd been trying all day to ignore her feelings and prove
herself once and for all she could block her heart from
.getting hurt and block her heart from any human feelings
She knew she was kidding no one else but herself but she
was too stubborn to change her mind. She knew that it was
for the best - to give up, because otherwise he would break
her heart again... she couldn't stand the thought of going
through this pain again.
She folded her arms and watched the sitting figure on the
other side from the corner of her eyes. She felt her eyes
...water when the butterflies in her stomach started again
.this can't be happening. She can't let herself do this
Her eyes were small due to the blinding sun. It was a sunny
day but she felt like raining inside.
He watched her through the passengers, never taking his
eyes off. Please... don't, she begged him silently, not
knowing how to react. He'd already noticed her watching him
so there was no way back. All she could do was flash him a
little smile in return and wish for the best.
,Instead, he sighed and looked down. She'd fallen for him
she'd never seen him looking so miserable in the long-span
of time they'd known each other. It was breaking her heart
to see him like that, and most of all - to know very well
she was feeling the same way.
.She had nothing to lose, but she had everything to risk
Still, she knew she was doing the right thing as it could
be the last of him she would be seeing in awhile.
Hey..." she whispered, standing in front of him. He never"
looked up. Carefully she put her bag down and sat down next
to him, trying her best not to let her arms touch his by
any
chance. "You alright?"
Yeah, yeah... a hundred percent," he nodded, giving her a"
quick glance. He brought his knees up and threw his arms at
the top of them. "I'm alright."
This was one of these moments she wished she had a guide
for. There was a long pause as she leaned back against the
brick-wall, watching his perfect-shaped face and the way
his dark, small eyes scanned the ground.
You know how sometimes you got so much, and so many people"
you love that love you back... but you still feel like such
a loner?" he asked out of the blue, raising his head up but
not looking back at her.
Yeah... I do," she replied. "I feel that way all the"
time."
Like, you have everything... but nothing at the same"
time," he went on. "Sometimes I don't think I can even
trust myself. I've got everybody but no one I know I can
trust."
"
Familiar."
He turned his head to her, smiling coyly. They looked at
.each other's eyes, there he goes again, she thought
"
Sorry."
"
What for?"
"
I must be boring the hell out of you right now."
No... You're not," she reassured him. "I know what it"
feels like. I've been there myself... still am."
He leaned back against the wall himself until his shoulder
touched hers. Shaking, he took her hand in his and crossed
their fingers together, looking for any hesitation in her
eyes. She just smiled. "You can always trust me if you need
anyone."
She nodded, tightening their grip. "I'll make sure I
remember it next time... thanks, y'know. I... I appreciate
it."
Yeah, I know." He smiled that gorgeous smile of his. "Your"
,company here is very much appreciated as well." He paused
gently stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. "I'll
be missing you all this time, y'know."
.She laughed nervously, aware of the fact she was blushing
"
I'll miss you too."
He suddenly let go of her hand and folded his arms against
his chest, looking away. She felt a bit hurt because of his
sudden reaction but not letting it get to her she waited
for
him to say something.
And sometimes, through all this mess you seem to have lost"
things you've been working on for so long, things you care
so much about... and suddenly, things change. And then you
wonder, where has it all gone?" he asked, looking down at
her. "What's changed? What's happened to what you thought
was there, y'know?"
Yeah..." she commented quietly. If only she could fight"
?her feelings right now... it can't be that hard, can it
She needed to lie, she needed to pretend, she couldn't get
hurt.
And then you realize, distance must come between love"
after all." This time he didn't look at her. This time he
didn't take her hand in his, this time he didn't smile.
And that moment she knew she'd failed. Because pretending
.not to have feelings for someone you do is impossible
Pretending you're invincible is a sad, miserable lie. You
can't beat love, but love beats you every time. She'd never
realized how hard it would be like, but she did know that
goodbyes are the hardest thing to do...
.Even through the mass of people she could feel his gaze
She'd been trying all day to ignore her feelings and prove
herself once and for all she could block her heart from
...getting hurt and block her heart from any human feelings

But she never noticed him walk away.


I miss 'us'. -- 13 June 2002