She dreamed.
From time to time she dreamed: of places where the men came
and the men went. In her dreams she spread her legs for
,them, and they entered, and when they left she was gone
farther away every time. These things that they did to
her...in her dreams, nasty things, filthy things; they
entered and robbed her: of everything, of nothing, what did
she ever have to begin with; little child, girl; almost a
woman now.
She spread her legs for them, on the small dirty bed; bare
as a moment old baby; what did she care, they took it
anyway, filthy things, nasty things, the things they did to
her. And it never ended, no it never ended, no it never
ended... Till they were tired, till they were spent, and
then she drifted back-what of her that could still drift
back-and they left.
Faceless... She could not tell one from the other, all of
them looked the same, smelled the same, did the same things
,to her; all of them filthy, all of them gripping, groping
shoving this way and that, till she bled, till she bled
like a virgin; but how could she be, there were so many
beds...
And then one day he said he had a daughter; such a pretty
,thing, just like her. Sascha, he called her; set you free
he said. Beautiful daughter; took her to the edge of the
world: where the doors were, where the light was, they
walked out to the street and the man with the book did
nothing, sifting through a purse of jinglers. Sascha, he
said, I take you home and you never leave again, never run
away, naughty girl, beautiful girl; lets go home.
They let her go, just like that; he paid and they let her
go; she was free, what was free; she could see the sky
bright between her fingers, feel its burning warmth, taste
the salt in the air, watch the seagulls and the boats
coming in, ships with masts, men carrying crates; but not
like before, no not like before: these men couldn't touch
her, no they couldn't touch her; she was free; what was
free? She was free, free, free, free, free...
,The father, the father was taking her home; but no, no, no
,not there; it was dark inside, the vines ate the walls
snakes zigzagged under porch chairs, hissing at her.
She ran.
And now she was here. On the ship. Such an odd ship, the
.captain a woman, and not like the women from before either
,Captain never showed a piece of skin, only face, hands
neck. Forearms if hard at work; but nothing more.
And there were other women on board: an almost-woman, like
herself, called Opelle; a younger girl, cat-eyed like the
,boy who looked like her, and they had the same name
almost-Perny and Ferny, funny names, funny boy and girl; a
woman older than the girls, who painted strange squiggles
and marks and nonsenses; and the captain, of course.
,And everyone did as the captain said, even the men: Aye
Captain, they shouted; Captain Ruhan, they called her.
Captain had found her in the crate, hiding. Captain gave
her food and told her she could stay if she liked-didn't
even cut her hand off-and put up a cot for her, in the
storage.
.Now she was sleeping in his arms. Ben, they called him
,Such a strange man; he didn't even look at her that way
didn't look at any of the women that way; looked with
strange eyes at a man, a man who talked with the Captain
Ruhan a lot. Looked at him hungry-like, but softer; like no
meant no but still something there. Such a strange man, not
looking at women; and the places he told her about...
Places she'd been to, where the strangers came and took
from you what you had, where their hands burrowed in every
fold, every curve, every secret in your skin; and how could
he have been there, if he was a man?
The dreams didn't come when she was with him, with this man
who didn't look at women; this strange man that was soft and
comforting and never prying, never looking for secrets. She
ran to him from her cot when the dreams came, and he would
sit with her till the hands stopped crawling through her
skin.
He said he was twelve, the first time they took him. They
were always the same men, he said, sneaking in like smoke
and paying extra to keep the man with the book from
writing, or talking. Once or twice a woman came; rich
.beyond dreams, said she would buy a toy for her daughter
But she was the one who played with him. And the man with
the book wouldn't sell him.
"
Ben? Are you awake?"
Quiet. His breathing was the only sound, and the rhythmic
,water outside. ''Sh...sleep,'' she whispered to him
to her, closing her eyes. She shifted her ear against his
chest. The coarse fabric of sailor's clothing kept them at
,a comfortable distance, and the heavy blanket covered them
keeping them together. She could hear his breathing, and
his
heart.
"
Hmm,'' she exhaled. She was safe.
.Sh... Sleep