It all started when I got up and left that day, actually, it
started a long time before that, but when I think back to
the point when things really started to change, it was on
that day.

I walked away, I kept hoping you'd follow me, that you'll
ask me not to leave, that you'll say that everything is
going to be ok from now on, that you'll fool me again. I
should have known you won't, after all, I've left so many
times before, and a few times you left, but I keep coming
back for more, or you would call and erase everything bad
with your smile.
This time wasn't different, you didn't follow me either, but
this time was different, this time you should have, I don't
know why, maybe I just had enough, maybe I couldn't take
this anymore, this somewhat warped variation of love, this
sweet pain blended with my drunken sorrow, no, this time I
won't be coming back again, this time is the last time.

I don't really know why I ever got together with you, I
think it's this flaw in me, falling for all the wrong girls,
and for all the wrong reasons, you weren't different in
that, but you were the worst of them all, even now, I'm not
over you, and at the weakest I still think about you, about
the way I felt that was so good, and I cry, and then I
remember the way you treated me, all the undeserved tears I
shed for you, because of you. And I realize that leaving was
the best thing I ever did, hurt as it may.

You moved on by now, as a matter of fact, I'm sure you moved
on the same week I moved out, if not that same day, you
never had a problem with that, guys were a game to you, and
so was sex, I bet you moved on several times by now.
I wonder if you found anyone to hang on to, like you did to
me, I bet you did, and I feel sorry for him, almost as much
as I envy him, almost as much as I miss you.

I do miss you so much, and yet, I never want to see you
again, although I hope I will. I keep hoping I'll see you by
chance somewhere, I want to see the look o your face. I wish
you'd change your mind and come back, and beg me to take you
back, and I would say no, although I realize that I would
probably say yes.

I'm the same, accept I'm not; I mope a lot more, and think
about stuff that my friends don't like to talk about... I
get drunk a lot, mostly on Fridays, I was really drunk that
Friday you picked me up hoping to get laid, you know the
drunk I talk about, drunk enough to be happy and talk to
you, not drunk enough to grant you your wish. I'm back in
black, all the way back, outfit and attitude, you wouldn't
like the new me, which is really the old me, only darker,
more bleak.

It doesn't matter though, you're in the past, and I'm gone,
and soon you'll be just a sad memory, an old scar that would
never completely heal, I can't hardly remember your face,
your scent, your laugh, they all seem like and old movie
nobody but me can recall, and fading away, I feel like I'm
losing you again, although I do know I never really had you,
you are the best thing that ever happened to me, the best
thing and the worst.

Don't you think it's funny? Laugh just one more time, for
me, for yourself, pain is a funny thing, especially someone
else's pain, mine is exceptionally hilarious, really, it's
ok to make fun at my expense.

That's it, this time I think I said it all, got everything
off my chest, although you'll never read this... I said
it... and then, you're gone...

You're gone!