Alright, so I've planned to write it later than today, next
week, but I couldn't say no to my urge to write it now. If
you are going to read this you must promise one thing - that
you honestly read this till the end; even when it's long and
when it seems sad, you must read the end to get the full
message.
"My name is Lester Burhnham, and this is the first day of
the rest of my life." "American Beauty" is an amazing movie
that talks about the empty life in America. The life there
got so empty that the father of the family got so alone that
he killed himself, even when he was married. Most teenage
male masturbate, it's good it's health it's the only way a
boy has to unleash his sexual urges to the world without
hurting anyone. However when an adult man masturbates he
does that out of loneliness.
Masturbation is the true form of loneliness. I am not saying
that sex is the company every male seek 'cause it's not;
after all, we are only looking for someone to help us live
our life. Life alone is hard and if your life isn't hard,
you aren't living right. All men and women seek in their
life is someone to help them carry the burden of living in
this world. It's the leading principal of living.
Is loneliness good or bad? When a person is alone he feels
bad; sometimes he channels that bad feeling to those around
him and sometimes he keeps it to himself. Either way, a
lonely person equals a sad person; no matter what, it's the
law of the world - being alone would kill you at the end. So
no doubt, loneliness is bad.
A fragment of hope. It was proven in math and numbers that a
man could seek love his whole life and not find it. The
question here is if there is a chance of not finding love
and being alone at the end, why live this painful life? The
answer is plain and simple: There is a chance, but with that
chance there is a chance of love. That small chance of
finding love is what gets us lonely people up in the
morning, gets us to go to work for a living, trying to meet
people, etc.
And when you've lost this hope, what next? In "American
Beauty", once hope was forever lost, and once the father
started searching for love in all the wrong places and all
options reached a dead-end, He took his gun and killed
himself. He didn't die from an angry wife, and he didn't die
from an angry neighbor. He died from living a life he has no
wish to live.
It may be said and it will be true that I speak too much
about loneliness and about being alone, and it's true. The
last time I touched a girl was over a year ago and I can't
even remember hearing the words "I love you" from a girl; it
has been said to me but I forgot it already. Time makes
everything disappear - the memory of me being loved and
being needed in someone else's life all wiped out and left
me cold and alone; even the pain of rejection is no longer
reflecting my hurt and I no longer feel it.
If you've got to this part you must be wondering what made
me this cold, sarcastic and negative about my life, and
honestly - I'm not. I write this at the eve of my finest
hour, when next week I'll go to a girl I like and to the
chance that I just might make it happen and just for a
moment me and her would feel less alone in this world.
Back to the main issue: relationships. From each connection
you make with a person from the opposite sex you find that
you've learned something new about yourself, something that
makes you stronger, weaker, whatever, it doesn't even
matter. The point is you are changed, you learn that this
person you were with didn't fit you and you were wrong for
seeking him. Which is false - you weren't wrong, you were
100% right; that person fitted you at the time you started
the connection but with time you changed and it's no longer
what you seek. And that person is no longer what you need in
your life so the search starts again.
And when a person leaves you? You make a decision within
yourself to either search for someone like him, or go to
another direction. Either way, you change the scars that
were left by that person in you and made you a new person.
Confusion, disappointment and Rage - all of the above are
means to heal from a broken connection, but those feelings
are only the means to get to that wished healing where you
are left with the scars but you're changed. You realize what
you need to find next. So don't be alerted by those
feelings.
Fear of being alone - this is a legitimate fear; you are
entitled to feel that fear. The question is: will you let
this fear control you? Or will you attempt to kill this
fear? At the end, fear drives you to find someone, so the
answer is not killing the fear, it is listening to it and
avoid it, find someone to take that fear away. Ignoring that
fear would make you believe that being alone is not that bad
and - it's really not - but it's not a situation you wish to
stay in.
So when are you entitle to give up? Never. Never lose that
hope because when you find that someone, you would feel so
much joy that you would miss if you kill yourself; so don't.
Nonetheless, the path to happiness is the interesting part;
that path you took, all those struggles you made to get that
special person, to make you feel complete and less alone in
this world.
The ever-lasting joy I felt the last time I had someone was
worth those months of never-ending pain. Even when the pain
was greater than the happiness, it was worth it for the
first time I felt that the hole in my soul can be filled.
So the best advice for a well adjusted life I can give you
is: take all your fears and all the pain you feel inside -
family, friends, work and money - and just find someone to
share it with, someone to help you carry this burden,
someone that would make you stronger against the world.
And I cannot advice you who that person can be, only you
know who to look for.