I don't know who's the director of this little low budget
film called life, but I must say that this movie  feels too
much american to me.
I mean, all this hollywood productions we live on and grow
on teach us to cherish love, and that love is the most pure,
worthy, glowing thing in life and how unreachable perfect
love is and all.
but I must say that all my life I was afraid to say I love
people because I feared that it wasn't real. and I was
taught that love is the highest to stand, the highest
standart. and no matter how much I felt about people I
thought I could love them more, I thuogth there is a higher
level.. Love.
but I learned it's not true... Love is not that high, it's
not that pro-found,  it's not that god and saint.
it's just love.  it's easy to love someone...and after you
love him you can love him more and more and more. there is
no specific maximu level of love.  I always thought that the
maximum level of likeness is Love... and that's it. like
there is no further place to go.
for this reason I always wanted to say "I love you" to some
girls and I didn't because I was afraid it's not true.. I
knew I could like them even more so I didn;t want to "lie"
to them by telling them the L word.
today I understand that when I came to see her after we
broke up and she didn't know I was coming... and I saw her
outside her class and she didn't notice me. and my heart
felt like a wake up clock that couldn't stop ringing... DAMN
it was thrilling. when I finally got the courage to get
inside and tell her hello I took her hand and put it on my
heart... her hand vibrated with my heart.

I'm happy with myself.
Standing outside her class and thinking 10 minutes till i
decided to get in.  I'm happy with that decision, with that
courage i got out of nowhere and came in her class.
I know where I got that courage from- I thought to myself
that There is no use in coming this far and doing nothing.
but what really inspired me to take courage is this thought
- "If you go in...
there's a small chance you're gonna kiss her again... small
chance you'll be together again... small chance you'd love
again... and as far as a small chance is small, it's better
then no chance... and besides..... She WORTHS it".
Now I understand, that then, and a few weeks later when I
wasn't talking to her, and I saw her walking by and I'm
thinking to myself how can I look at her without her seeing
me... and how my heart has a knife in it suddenly. it's all
one sided Love.
and maybe now when I'm thinking to myself... I feel like
one-sided love is more powerful than 2 sided love. Because
one -sided love makes you wanna show your love and makes you
breath your love and Dream it and Drink it and Lie it and
Die it and LOVE it.
for that Kurt Cobain once wrote : " I miss the comfort in
being sad"
You Love the comfort in being sad. because when you're
sad... you know how much you Love her. and How much you wish
you had 2-sided love.