She sat there, crying her soul out. She was hurt, she was in
pain. Her tears didn't stop for a moment, from running down
her cheeks. She just sat there, thinking of all what he told
her an hour ago. His words were so loud, played over and
over again in her head. But all she could repeat is ''it
doesn't hurt anymore''. That's what he taught her. Her
trainer. Her father. He knew her better then anybody else.
He could read right through her. She could have said
nothing, and he would know that something is wrong. He could
see in her eyes, when she wasn't there, when she was
dreaming. He knew what she was dreaming about. He would
approach, look right into her eyes and say ''you know that
it doesn't hurt anymore, you have to move on. You can't show
your weakness to your enemy. I want you to say that.'' He
knew how to make her smile. He knew how to make her do
things, and not being lazy. He gave his heart, he tried so
much to make her good, better then any other one. He had his
faith in her. He was the first one who believed in her. He
has done so much for her, and she knew that. But she wanted
more. Probably more then he could give, more then he could
imagine.
She didn't cry for so long, held it all inside. Hanging on,
trying not to collapse. Trying not to break down, not fall
apart, to be strong. Just as she was told to do. She held
herself, but couldn't avoid everything. She loved to walk
when it was raining, that way she was crying. She never
showed her sadness to people. She was trying so hard not to
show to the enemy that she is hurt, that she kept everyone
far from her. Never let anyone near her. She was all alone,
had no one in this world. No one but her home, her family.
The training gym, that old building, was her shelter. She
came there when she was happy, and when she was sad. Her
family was the entire group that was training with her. They
were the only ones who understood her, the only people who
knew what she was doing, how she was feeling. They were all
her world. She knew what she was doing, and she did it well.
But nothing was enough, she always wanted more.
She looked at the world, she never been in. She watched in
jealousy how people walk and have fun. She saw people
crying, but she never could understand them, she didn't know
that feeling. She met some one. They walked together while
talking. He explained to her how the world outside is like,
how does it work. Told her things she didn't understand
about that world. After that long conversation, she decided
that all she had wasn't enough any more. She wanted more. So
she walked to some bridge, stayed there drunk, and sat
crying.
Crying her soul out. In the beginning it was so hard to
start the waterfall out of her eyes. It was so painful to
drop the first tear. But after the first one, came the
second, and the third. One after another, the waterfall grew
with every minute. After an hour she found herself trying to
repeat those words. To stop the tears. she tried to convince
herself. She thought that by crying, she will let out the
pain and get better. She was wrong. She knew that she will
never get back to the gym. She knew she lost her home. It
all was just the same, just like before. She was the one who
changed. She knew she won't be able to look into his eyes.
So she never got back.
She sat there, watching her dreams fall apart. She was
loosing her faith, she was broken. She knew she was wrong,
she knew she made a mistake. She didn't try to run anymore,
the pain was just too big, it tore her apart. She was
loosing her mind, broken from inside.