this next thing might look a bit disorginized, it's because
it's true, in my head, if you start reading please read to
the end!!!


laying silent, on the sand, only thing I feel is wind, it
moves nothing but the powder around me, sand, I feel so
heavy, I feel like I will sink into the sand, I want to
sink, maybe then the sand will protect me, like a warm body,
I want to swim in it, I don't want to feel like this, be
here, i want to get away, but nowhere to run because it's
all in my head.
can't get out of my head, out of myself, I dream of armies
coming to my rescue, taking my troubles away but no army
comes, no salvation in sight, nothing, everything stops, I
can't breath, I want to breath, I feel the sand, in my
throat, it suffocates, I try to scream but I only hear the
wind, the sand coming over me, it feels so bad to die, but
it feels so good to understand it will all be over soon, so
maybe this is it for me, my salvation, blue sky, coctail in
hand, sea infront of me.
salvation
I wake and see the listings, still open, some red, some
green, all numbers from 6 to 9 digits, maybe here is my
salvation.

it came to me twice before in my dream, it became a reality
of illusions, where nothing is certein, I guess some things
look not right when looking at them from a certein angle.

lies, is my angle, I feel bad about it, it seems as if I
cannot tell the truth, but if I'll be exposed as the fraud I
am I know I will feel better.

lies!
lies!
LIES!
it's all lies!!!!


lies, they dig in my brain, maybe my salvation will be in
the truth, maybe  I should stop the lies, take off my mask,
but I can't!
maybe I just need help, it seems no one can help me because
th only 2 kinds of people in my world are, the people that
know the truth but no lie, and the people that know all the
lies but no truth.