I guess sometimes I sit down and cry.
And after all my tears are wiped, I simply guess I have to
die.
And when I die, just then I lie.
And when my lies are over, and when I lied to me, to you, to
us and to the world, I seem to think that all that is left
for me to do is to try.
Bud what can I try? To die, to cry, to lie?
I've done all that, there's nothing left, nothing, don't you
see?
Don't you see and feel that the whole sanity of my world is
now gone and into bitter pieces of my shattered soul?
My heart, my screams, my shouts, my cries, my brain, my
mind, my thoughts are gone, and all that is left is now
nothing but true desire.
Desire for myself and for life, for the life that I have
lost long ago before I could even breathe the air and art
around me.
My life has passed by my very eyes before I reached the age
of twenty. Before I reached the age of ten, I just could not
realize this until I was old enough to be hurt by it.
My, what waste is it for me to know. When people ask that
dreadful question of what is better to know or not, I simply
say without much thought that not knowing could be so much
better sometimes because then you only get hurt when you do
know, and if you never know you never get hurt.
And why is pain so bad for me? Why whenever I just hear the
word my thoughts drift to those terrible aspects of my soul
and make me cry as I never did and never will for anything
and anyone else?
So many questions, so little answers...
I am not the first to have said that but I do know that this
is so true to me it's too much to bear.
And despite common thought I will not take my life, nor will
I take the lives of others, since I simply lost my life long
ago, and I am not a ghost in a shell, as some might guess.
I just ask the people of my heart to know my and ask me and
answer me and help me and pity me and hate me and love me.
I don't need much more, I don't want much more, I just need
my life and soul and heart back together as it was when I
was just an innocent, unknowing baby, when all I could do
was to breathe art and lie still.