Damn tears! Why won't you come out?!
I know-the anger is taken over, it's definitely stronger.
Poor sadness overshadow by anger...It's a clear fight, and
only one will win.
Yes-the anger is stronger. Rules of the nature-the stronger
survives! The weak Sadness is fighting over my heart; try to
take control on my soul. But than the Anger is breaking in!
Attacking with all his fierce and might: ruthless and
superior over the fragile Sadness.
The Sadness has surrendered! The anger has conquered his
territory.
But come to think about it... who am I angry with?!
Does it matter? Guess not...I need to let all of this
frustration out!
(Inhale)
(Exhale)... My third cigarette in an hour! Maybe if I'll
smoke enough it will go away.
Why not just cry?! Damn anger! Holding back my tears! I
can't even control my own feelings-and cry!!
Fidgeting with the lighter))
That fire looks tempting than ever... maybe just a little
touch, a stroke?
No! How can I explain that to father? To myself?
Another cigarette maybe? (Laughing) At that pace I'll die
tomorrow!
Not that bad of an idea, actually... the best one in days!

At least I cried. That's comforting... I've taken control
over my emotions!
God! That's weird! I'm weird! Shouldn't it be backwards?
What is it in self pity that I like so much?! For most
people-crying is an act of loosing control, why should I be
any different? God! I hate myself! You stupid girl, you!
Well...at least my anger is quieting down. Ahhh... my
family, my life, myself-how did I got sucked into that
mess?
Try as hard as I can- I can't seem to rise out of it.
I don't usually think of my family, just when the subject is
talked about, why now all of a sudden?
It just gives me a headache, heartache too.
I wish that maybe a disaster will fall upon them...
amm...us. A kind of a disaster that will bring us all
together, reunited!
A death ahead of time?...  A suicide (maybe me?)... What
else...?. Jesus Joe! That's an awful thought! What is wrong
with you?!... Me perhaps? (A little grin)
But this is the only thing that could help, I guess.
People always get together in the time of need (damn family!
They probably don't know what that is...it's just
self-interest for them...@#$! People always get together in
times of sorrow-it's a nature.
All over the world: whenever a disaster occurs, no matter
how far, people and nations are brought together. Brought
together in a helping hand, or just to share the grief, but
together! We shouldn't be any different, not in that.
What am I thinking? Stop with that nonsense of yours before
the brain will overheat itself!
Oh well...back to bed, I'll sleep it over...
(And get up with one of my famous headaches, probably)
nothing a pill (yes...Another one) can't cure...