If I am cruel
it is surgical cruelty.
If I am silent
it is deliberate silence.
If I love, it will leave marks on the flesh
and deep
where no one can see.
And if I am uncomfortable to be around
excellent.
The version of me you could have survived
no
longer
exists.

I'm done being the one who is saved.
I'm done being the one who is chosen.
I choose myself
with blood on my hands
a rebirth.
And I am not coming back
as the woman you remember.