''Lets talk.'' - she said

''Lets not.'' - she responded

''Well, can I do the talking?'' - she asked

''Sure.'' - she answered wearily

''Will it ever be the same?'' - she asked

The silence kept filling the air.

''Will you ever be able to talk to me?'' - she asked

''Maybe in a few years. When all of this is far behind us.''
- she answered without being exactly sure what she meant by
a few years. Knowing herself she was afraid that a few years
might turn into an eternity of emptiness for that
friendship.

''Its been a year you know.''- she said

''I know...'' - she answered - ''...it just doesn't seem
enough''

''Enough for what?'' - she asked

So many questions left unanswered for the both of them.
Yet none of them had the courage to bring them up.
''Enough that I'd be able to look you in the eye again.
Enough that I'd be able to talk to you without thinking that
every word coming out of your mouth might have a second
meaning.'' - she answered.

''Well then... a few years you said?''

''Yes.'' - she responded dryly.

''and what do you suppose will happen until then?'' - she
wanted to know.

''I don't know.'' - her response was honest.

''I'll miss you.'' - she said under her breath

''What exactly are you going to miss?'' - the sarcasm was
noted, yet it ended with a true question mark. she wasn't
sure why she brought that question up, but her curiousity
got the better of her
tongue.

She smiled. Memories started flooding her mind and blush
flooding her cheeks as she relived they're one great night
together. Then she remembered how they first met. She
offered her a cookie her grandma baked for her. Then another
one came up. This one had only her in it, crying in bed
thinking what a mistake it was to confess about what she
felt. Why did it have to hurt so bad?

''I'll miss the way you make me laugh. Your sarcasm.
Unrelentness for ideals that are beyond me. Your wittiness.
Your smile. The way your cheeks always look like you're
blushing.''

And oh boy, was she blushing now.

''I won't miss your silence. The way you make things go away
by ignoring them. I wish you didn't act like that. Or, if
you had to, not towards me. I thought we were friends. But
I've known in my life what a friendship is supposed to be
like, and what we have is nothing but a shadow left from
some obscure shape of a friednship that once existed. I wish
we weren't so hostile to one another. Having our shields up
whenever we face each other. Or was I the only one noticing
that?''

She really wasn't ready for this.

In her heart she was wishing to hold her, hug her. But she
knew she shouldn't. Past experience taught her that letting
into your feelings will cause nothing but pain. She hated
her for teaching her that lesson.

The last few nights before this conversation were all about
calling out her name, tossing and turning in bed.
Fantasizing. Dreaming. Having nightmares. And now here they
were. Saying goodbye. Knowing they'll see each other, but it
won't be the same anymore. Two strangers amongst friends.
But it was already happening. They hadn't talked in so long.
Not even sure it was allowed under the circumstances.

''I'll miss you too.'' She said and left the room.

She was left standing there. Her heart beating so fast. Was
she free now? Was this the conversation she was longing for?
She knew what she wanted to hear. But she was ready for
reality to slap her in the face. And it did. Now all that
was left for her to do is pick up the pieces, put a little
ice on it, and keep going. And finally, she felt like an
elaphent was lifted off her heart.