"He raises his massive arms in rage, sweat dripping off his
forehead, struggling to hold the two M60 machine guns in
each hand; they're heavy enough when you have one on, but
two...the gatteling sounds of rapid fire echo through the
packed hall as bodies fall from every direction"
"No, no! God damn it, it sucks. I've got to come back up
with a better scene than this, or this book won't sell a
single copy", says Matthew with frustration.
Meet Matt Penner, a moderately successful writer who up
until now lived in San Francisco with his faithful dog, Max.
There his work was easily published and bought by the
hundreds. But his recent book "The Clan" was a financial
failure; it didn't make him a dime. And so his publishers
advised him to move to L.A where the atmosphere might aid
his writing, and so he did. This is the story of one
frustrating transition of one equally frustrated author.
"Hey, be careful with that furniture! It's really old, you
know; old as in worth a lot of money! So don't screw it up"
Matt mentions nervously to the movers across the room, here
to get all of his things to a truck and drive it all the way
to Los Angeles. One of the movers slips and shatters a lamp
he was moving. Penner's eyes widen with horror as he shouts
at the movers about how expensive that lamp was. He insists
on carrying anything mildly fragile to the truck himself. If
he didn't have to drive all the way there soon himself on
his own car, he'd offer to drive the truck too.
Minutes later our hero is banging his head against the
plastic steering wheel, hitting the horn while muttering to
himself that traffic will be the death of him one day. The
dog then decides it is his time for a walk and there shall
be no wiggle room about that call. When Matthew returns to
the car from his brief walk it won't start.
He is yelling by his car, while waiting for his call to
Triple A to connect as reception in the area was weak, "God
damn old backwards ass Hungarian car!" Matthew shouts and
slams his fist on the hood, to which the car reacts by
working. The engine starts growling again as Matt gazes at
his fist like a magic wand.  Matthew gets into his car with
a stunned look stuck to his face. He drives on and finally
reaches his destination; a medium sized suburban home on the
outskirts of the city. He gets out and helps the movers get
his things through the door and into place. Once it's all
done he is left home with nothing but a pile of boxes and
his dog, sitting by himself questioning his own existence.
Matt slowly unpacks his things without much desire to go
on.
Matt was never a person of rational thought and
consequences. His acts as well as his books were written and
based on emotions, passion, fear, anger. Those things he
knew better than anyone, but when it came to making one
smart choice he never had the knack for it. This is why he
was never in long lasting relationship or had been laid in
over 5 months. Matthew never regretted his talent in writing
but he did occasionally wish he had more than his feelings
to write with.

The following Friday:
Our desperate hero decides to go on an evil but necessary
quest to the local supermarket. He must restock on food and
weapons to live through another week. He walks with a sour
mood through the isles, filling his cart with a garden
variety of useless crap including: 3 bags of pre-made salads
to consume whenever his weight guilty self pops up, 2
bottles of sauce to make the salads mildly edible, 2 small
bags of crisps to have whenever he feels too depressed for
salads, a bunch of vegetables to make soups knowing it has
to be healthy being made with only water and vegetables.
Then he goes for the beer, simply because he can.
He picks up a shampoo and conditioner because out of all his
features his hair was most important to him than all others.
Some tooth paste and a new brush, those seem to fall apart
faster than he could buy one, all the same Chinese made crap
after all. He then goes on to pick up some bottled water, a
couple energy drinks to keep him up during the hard nights
of late night writing, and an ice coffee he didn't really
plan on paying for. But just as Matt is about to turn to the
canned goods isle he decides he is bored enough to play a
small game in which his cart is a car and he can drive it
wildly as he'd like. He goes around the corner with his
foolish game when out of nowhere a woman turns her cart
towards him and he smashes into it, the loud noise making
the woman drop the 4 cans of pickles she was trying to hold
at once. Matthew apologizes immediately and offers his help,
the woman responds, "Well you should be sorry you babbling
idiot, you made me drop everything".

Matt seems a little taken with the constant swearing and
brutal insults and reacts, "Lady, I know it's my fault,
that's why I'm helping, but there's no need to ruin my day
too, you know".

"I'm sorry, it's just been such a hard day and I really
don't need any more trouble like this, sorry for acting this
way", she says with a quiet tone.

Matthew stands up with the slightly bent cans and says he
accepts her apology with a kind grin and goes on, "Seeing as
you've must have had a pretty bad day, let me take you out
for a bit; we'll go eat something, maybe watch a movie? Oh,
I didn't introduce myself; I'm Matt, Matt Penner".

The woman smiles at him, "Well thank you Matt, but I'm
afraid I already have someone in my life, maybe some other
time".

"Can I at least have your name?'' Matt asks in a final
attempt at success.

"Amy Williams", she responds to him kindly and walks away
with her cart.

Matt accepts defeat and walks away to the other side even
though he's done by now and needs to go to the cashiers.
After a few minutes he thinks it is safe and goes on to be
done with it and return home to sulk to himself. While
paying for his own things he notices Amy arguing with a
cashier about something. He overhears that she doesn't seem
to have a valid credit card and can't pay for anything.
Being the knight that he was, he walks over and offers to
pay for her, as a one time favor fully knowing he might
never hear from her ever again. Unwillingly she agrees and
they leave separately from the shop. He walks to his car and
unloads the things into his car hoping it will take the
weight. He backs up from the parking space when he hears a
loud explosion coming from the other side of the lot; he
drives over to see what happened only to find Amy sobbing by
her car with an open trunk and a flat back tire. He honks
her pointing to the empty seat behind him with a look that
says simply "why not?" She looks bewildered but again
agrees. Amy is shy about sitting next to him after all of
that but mostly because she is thinking, "now he'll know
where I live; this couldn't be any worse of a day". Not 15
minutes pass by and he is dropping her off at her house
without saying a word, doing it all out of the kindness of
his heart. Matt finds out she lives pretty close to him. He
ends his day by sitting in front of the T.V at home thinking
about his day, probably his strangest one yet. He grabs a
beer from the fridge and mutters to himself, "Weirdest
fucking day ever".

Monday one month later, 3 PM:

Matthew has just left his house to go walk his dog. He goes
to the nearby park and sets him free to let him run and play
while he sits on a bench and watches. About ten minutes in
Amy comes by and sits next to him on the bench, Matthew is
slow to look at her but eventually turns to her and speaks,
"Hey..."

"Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something, if you don't
mind", Amy asks shyly.

"Go ahead, shoot", Matt says with an uncaring tone, wishing
to simply be rid of it.

"Well, it's just that I've noticed something strange, you've
been here about a month but you only go outside 3 times a
day, 3 times at 5:00 AM, 3:00 PM and 8:30 PM to walk your
dog, on Tuesday's you go out once more to buy something at
the store and on Friday you go to the supermarket,
but...Don't you have friends? Someone to hang out with on a
Saturday night?"

Matt avoids her question, "You've been following me?"

"It's just information a few friends gave me, now answer my
question", she responds determined for an answer.

"I owe you nothing! Much less an answer to any question
regarding the fact I've been stalked for the past month or
so", Matthew walks up and intends to leave.

Amy stops him, "Please, I just want to know".

Matthew stops for a few seconds but eventually sits back
down. He starts talking again, "I don't go out much, that's
true, but...my job, it's very demanding".

"You're a writer, aren't you?" Amy says with a grin, happy
Matt has decided to speak to her.

"How did you know that?" Matthew questions.

"Friends...and oh, I've read 'Paschendale'", she responds,
unsure of Matt's next reply.

"Ahh, so what did you think?" Matt asks in an inquisitive
manner.

"A bit too sentimental for my taste", Amy mentions
casually.

Matt isn't surprised and is quick to reply, "It's what I do
best. Are we done now?"

"No, what about friends from San Francisco?" Amy asks
determined again.

"Heh, I see you've read that little Biography about me in
the back cover of every book. Well to answer your question,
I don't have friends, I don't want friends, I'm not what
you'd call a sociable person."

"Till I was the age of 5 I apparently had friends of some
sort, but after that I distanced or left them. At that age
my imagination grew and I didn't need friends, all I needed
was myself and I got along just fine that way for a long
time, then when I was 12 an old acquaintance introduced me
to someone and we turned to be good friends surprisingly
enough. We completed each other's needs. He was hot headed,
reckless and irrational. I was the intelligent, rational and
calm. Ironically enough it was that just a few years later
we had seemingly switched those roles but that's beside the
point. When we were 13 we ended up in different classes and
just stopped talking as he got new friends and I was stuck
in the dark. I have never befriended anyone as much since.
We talked occasionally but once something important happened
in my life I had to tell him, and he told others; basically
he had sold me out. He had sold me out and ruined our entire
friendship for cheap piece of gossip. I couldn't forgive him
for that and we have never spoken since and I have no
interest in doing so. He had lost my trust and I had lost
trust in mankind. We are all selfish beings that will do
whatever it takes to please others and don't understand
concepts like loyalty, being faithful or simply being
honest. Since then I couldn't really trust anyone and
therefore couldn't befriend them. In high school I met some
other people, we hung out briefly, perhaps no more than
twice a year, it was fun, but I dared not to share any real
information with them. Ever since that time I've found it
much simpler to stay away from people and pay them no
affection, so as I said earlier, I have no friends, the
closest thing I have to either friends or family is him
'Matthew looks ahead at his dog playing in the park'. I'd
risk myself to save him before anyone of my family or so
called friends".

"So...Now you don't trust anyone?" Amy asks with a sad tone
knowing what Matthew has gone through that made him how he
is.

"No, I trust no one, for all I know you could be asking me
this to gain my trust and to stab me in the back like the
rest of them did", Matt says with a more nervous tone.

"That's not a trust issue, that's paranoia, Matt", Amy says,
concerned for Matthew's mental health.

"Well that might be but you can't say I haven't earned every
right there is to be paranoid. And now if you don't mind,
now that you've extracted all the information you wanted
from me, I'll be leaving. Max, come!" Matthew stands up and
leaves the park heading towards his home; Max follows
obediently.


Next Wednesday, 8:30 PM:

It was Matt's regular time for walking his faithful canine
in the local park as he has been doing for the past month
but today something was different; his last conversation
with Amy had forced him to think about the meaning of his
life as it was now. But his thoughts were interrupted when
his dog spotted a cat and decided to go after it; Max had a
reputation for his ability to vanish during his walks and
come back hours later, but this was a new place and Matthew
wasn't sure he would find his way so he went after him. They
had crossed a couple in the pursuit when Matt finally caught
up with the dog, but then right across the street he vaguely
saw Amy crossing. He was hoping to avoid the uncomfortable
situation of seeing her and decided to go back into the dark
so he wouldn't be spotted, but all of the sudden Max decides
to stop and raises his ears sharply. Matthew also hears a
strange sound; he looks back and sees there's a car with its
headlights off heading towards the road Amy's crossing, and
at first he isn't concerned knowing it's not that quick and
that she would have crossed by the time he's there. But then
Amy drops something and is bending over to pick it up. Now
Matt is frantic and knows unless he intervenes something bad
is going to happen. He has no time to consider what to do.
Quickly he tells Max to stay put and runs into the open road
shouting "Look out!". He pushes Amy aside, tossing her to
the pavement, and faces the wrath of the approaching car.
The driver finally spots him and tries to break but it is
too late; he had already hit him and flipped him over the
roof.

Thursday, 10:38 AM:

Matthew wakes up in the hospital with dull pains in his
legs. A male nurse comes up and starts replacing bandages on
his leg. Matt senses a bone shattering pain and starts
shouting, "What do you think you're doing, can't you see I'm
in pain here you asswipe of a human?"

"Look Sir, I have to replace your bandages or you will bleed
into them and they'll lose effectiveness. I'm glad to let
you know you've broken both legs and have some major bruises
so you'll be here a while", the male nurse says
sarcastically.

"You know, if I had working legs right now, I'd kick your
ass", Matt replies with anger.

"And if I felt like it I could shove a thermometer the size
of your arm up yours", the nurse wittily replies.

"And I'm guessing that would all be for my good, as the
health plan dictates, eh?" Matthew answers. The male nurse
looks at him for a second, finishes the bandages and leaves
the room without a hint of a facial expression. Outside he
hears his voice talking to someone saying, "He's up".

Then Amy walks in with a joyful face and hugs Matt without a
word. Before Matt could even say something she starts
talking, "I'm so sorry you're here because of me but I'm so
grateful you saved me from that car, it was the nicest thing
anyone has ever done to me, and don't worry about your dog,
I took him home and walked him in the morning while you were
here."

"Ahh, I see. Well thanks, I guess", Matt answers shyly,
knowing what he had done for her isn't exactly what someone
would do for a stranger and thinking to himself that she is
expecting him to ask her out and that she couldn't refuse
because of the situation he is in, but he wouldn't do that
even though he liked the idea of finally hearing her
approval. It would be taking advantage of the incident.

Amy is simply sitting by his side smiling for a long time
when she finally says something, "My neck really hurts".

"Well isn't there someone who can give you a massage or
something?" Matthew coldly replies knowing there is such a
someone and it isn't him.

"No", Amy sadly speaks.

"What about..." Matthew questions further but she interrupts
his words.

"He's gone", she sadly answers the question.

"May I know why?" Matt politely asks with his inquisitive
writer nature rising to the surface.

"Yeah, he cheated on me, so I left him. It's pretty simple
really", Amy says softly.

"I'm really sorry about that, maybe... maybe to help you get
over it, we could have lunch sometime?"

Amy laughs quietly and smiles, "Look, I like you, and you've
done a lot of nice and wonderful things for me, but...
you're just not my type. I don't know what is it but it's
just not it; I'm sorry".

Matt is about to make peace with her choice when something
inside bursts out and he simply has to say it, "What do you
mean you don't know, there has to be a reason. Things like
this don't just happen. Look you need to hear the truth and
the truth is that I've fallen for you, since I collided into
you that day at the Supermarket I could never really stop
thinking about you, and the fact remains is that even though
I haven't known you for long I know I'll love all there is
about you, it's just that sort of thing I've tried to run
away from my whole life. I'm a writer, I write about every
emotion there is; fear, anger, envy, anything, but I've
never written about love because I felt I couldn't write
about something I never felt before but now I feel like I
know what it is and it's all because you were here. I'm just
trying to be your friend and you're rejecting me in just
about every way and I can't take it anymore. So tell me once
and for all so I'll never have to ask again, do you like me
enough to just go out with me once?!"

Amy listens to the entire speech carefully and at the end of
it she doesn't speak, instead she starts to cry and leaves
the room quickly. Matt is disappointed and angry at himself
for his outburst, but at least the stone on his chest that
was sitting there all that time is gone.


Tuesday one month later:

Matt has already picked up his dog from Amy while making as
little eye contact with her as possible. His car has broken
down totally and he has now booked tickets to the next
flight back to San Francisco. All went wrong for him, his
new book is not at all written and his first and only real
attempt at love has failed miserably and now he has to walk
for months with a cane because of his accident.

He is standing at the airport about to hand in his ticket
when he hears a voice behind him saying "Stop". He pulls the
ticket back before the flight attendant could take it and
looks back; it was Amy. She was shouting at him to stop and
running towards him. She finally reaches and starts saying,
"I was wrong, you are right. I just felt confused having
just left Jason and I didn't know what I was supposed to do
and I just felt so guilty about everything and I couldn't
take it. Would you please forgive me? Perhaps...We could go
see a movie?" Amy says with a small grin hoping she herself
still had a chance and had not failed Matthew totally.

Matthew looks deep into her eyes for a few seconds, and then
he turns back and gives the tickets to the attendant. Just
when Amy's soul starts to feel crushed Matt asks the
Attendant, "Could these be exchanged for movie tickets?"