I cried last night
Poured into my pillow.
My tears that I hate to show,
Calling your name into it softly.
Pummeling my fists at the memory of us,
still living and breathing,
tugging and struggling to survive in my mind.

Crying, streaming out my desire to hold you,
To have my hands running up and down you silky skin.
My body contracting at the thought of us lying next to each
other.
And you just don't care. Don't bother at answering me.

I hate you.
And I love you.

But what is your part in it all, tell me.
Please tell me.
I'm holding on to the sole memory of us being together,
Wishing it would come back to life.
Knowing that it won't,
Yet not being able to believe it.
The concept too painful to grasp.
Slowly subsiding to my imagination...
We are there together.
Dellusions are mine to live in.
Reality will never fit for what I want.

I hate you.
And I love you.