On the edge of death
Feeling the chill of heaven
Feeling the freezing touch
Of the angel of death
I lie
And I lie.
I lie in bed
And I lie to myself
I feel the kiss of death
Upon my face
My dad is near me
He holds my hand
I feel it
I feel him
On my death bed
The moment of truth
I can no longer lie to myself
Or lie to someone else
This is the moment of truth
I embrace it happily
For once
I am no longer sad
And alone
I feel something greater than me
I feel so little
As if I've been shrunk
I can't explain it
It's bigger than me
Bigger than you
Bigger than all of us
"Dear dad, can you see me now?
I am myself, like you, somehow"
Words come to mind
I have to speak
I have to explain
I cannot go on
And he, my father
Looks gently at me
Still holding my hand
Feeling my feelings
Feeling my sorrow
And I think to myself
How is it that after all is done
After all I've, we've been through,
He's still there?
And I laugh
Even though I am weak
Too weak to laugh
But I laugh
And on this moment
The moment of death
I feel higher
I feel, as if
The greatness is bestowed upon me
And I feel insignificant
I feel so small, yet so high
He is coming
I can see him
He is my mentor
He is my thoughts, my secrets
He is my birth right
He is my savior
I feel him
I can see him
He approaches me
And takes my hand
He kisses me gently upon my chick
I ask him, "who are you?"
And he answers.
Without sounds he answers.
His eyes are so empty
They are so pretty
I see my whole life passing before my eyes
In his eyes
Into his eyes
And so does he
And he tells me the truth
And he tells me the secret of life
And I listen to him
I can feel his tone of voice
The sound of his muted speech
Causing raptures in my heart.
I lash out to him
And embrace him
I put my arms around him
And we stay this way forever
Suddenly
I find my self at the beginning of time
And I see it all
And for the first time
I understand
Why?
I can see it now
And I see the joy in the black hole which is his eyes.
My life
My life were meaningless
But they were not
I see it all now.
And I think.
Who is he?
How come he knows me better than I know my self?
And he says, with sound:
"Listen to me my son.
I am you
I created you.
I lived you.
I control your every thought
I am your every thought.
Your every sight is me.
Your eyes are my image.
And now, at the moment of truth
At your final breath,
I have revealed myself.
I have told you the secret of life
And of yourself
But still, I am confused.
There is one thing I don't know about you.
Who are you?
I have told you who you are
But you chose differently.
And even though I have been with you your whole life,
I did not understand you.
What makes you tick?"
And he silences.
And I am speechless.
I ask him
"if you have been with me my whole life,
why didn't you help me at my worst hour?"
and he thinks
and he looks at me.
And at my father
And he chooses his words carefully
And he speaks.
And slowly, gradually
He disappears.
He fades away
Into my father.
And he speaks to me through my father
And I see his image in my father's eyes.
And then,
He comes back.
And he tells me that this is it.
The moment of reckoning
The moment of bliss
The moment of truth
And he takes my hand
And places it upon his.
And I feel the chill.
The freezing chill of death
And he reveals itself
He is death
But not like I pictured him. It.
But like him.
And I realize, that I am not afraid.
Of him. Not afraid of death.
I am afraid of me.
And he comforts me.
He places me on my feet
And leads me towards the light.
The bright black light at the end
The end of his eyes.
He walks past himself
And into his eyes
And so do I
I walk into his eyes
Into my soul.
And we arrive there.
I see hundreds, thousands of people
Around me.
All escorted by them.
And I wait my turn.
And then I hear my name.
Not my earthly name,
But the heavenly name that was given to me when I was
conceived,
And was taken away when I was born.
And I recognize it.
I feel it echoes throughout my every bone
I am no longer matter.
I am light.
And I float towards my name.
And I see him
The creator
The ruler himself
I could not believe my eyes.
He exists
He, whom I thought was only a myth
Was there, in front of me
In me.
Was me.
And my guide bows down to him and says: "My work here is
done",
And he turns into little pieces of flesh.
And then he takes those little pieces of flesh,
And throws them in the air.
I jump after them, I try to catch them.
But I can't.
And he says: "Every flesh, every piece of him is now someone
else.
Another life".
And I understand
I am no longer a meaningful being. I am light
I am the clouds.
I am sounds.
I am part of it all.
And he, the creator, says to me now,
Without sound he says to me:
"You are him. You are part of a greater thing. You are not
yourself
anymore. You are a greater being. You are his life work
now.
I am granting you with his thoughts and your dreams."
And I, the insignificant light,
Find myself inside a rounded small hole.
I look side ways, and I see nothing.
I feel movement.
Everything is clearing up now.
I see a lot of little pieces of light floating near me.
They all look like me.
We're floating in nothing.
I see a big black blob of nothingness.
Life full nothing. I penetrate its surrounding shields.
I see, way back, all the little pieces of light.
I am alone.
Suddenly I feel a change.
I feel my self being transformed into something else.
A while. A long while.
Time passes. I have lost the concept of time.
I start to change.
I change back into the heavenly form of a child.
The circle of life continues.
And again, I hear the last, dying words of my father:
"Listen son. Life is what you make of it."
Time. Again, time passes.
Seventy, eighty, ninety years.
And on the edge of death, my son is near me, holding my
hand.
I see him again. I say hello. He smiles at me, and closes my
eyes.
Without fear.
On the edge of death.