To Patrick.
Never forget- dreams were made to come true. Love and miss
you!
                                     

The reason I came to Rome was to study the language. I
signed in to a school called ILS.
I never expected this trip to be like this, I thought I
will just study and make some friends. But on my first day
of school I understood I was wrong.
When I came into the yard I saw a tall guy. I don't know
what it was exactly that made me be so fascinated by this
guy.
He looked at me; both of us couldn't stop looking at each
other till some guy called his name.
                                         

I went into a bar with two of my friends. I remember that
Ilaria was on my right side and Eve was on my left side.
Ilaria said something when we went inside but I couldn't
hear her, I was looking at a guy, a tall guy with blond
hair. In that moment I didn't see anybody beside him. It was
as if we are the only people on earth.

                                         

The two months in Rome were ending.
In their last night together they went out to her favorite
place and than he took her back to his place.
'I want to make this night special for you, so you will
never forget it.' He said as he took her shirt off
                                         

"What are you thinking about?" He asked while he was holding
her naked body close to him.
"I'm thinking about tomorrow. How will I be able to leave
this place again, to leave you?"
"But you will come back right? You have the exchange
students in the winter."
"I don't know yet..."
So if you won't come I will come to you.""
"Do you promise?"
"I promise."
                                     

He knew I was coming to Rome on that day. But I asked him
not to come to the airport because it was far from him and
because I knew I will have only a few minutes with him and
then I will have to leave him. I didn't want to hold him for
a few seconds and than to be forced to let go of him
again.
                                         

"May what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Lee asked.
"I am here... I am in Rome... I can't believe it!"
"Honey don't cry. Come on we must go, they are waiting for
us outside of the airport."
I went after the group, I was still crying because I was so
excited to be in Rome. When the doors opened I saw those who
were waiting for us, and the girl who was holding the paper
with my name on it. I went towards her and than I heard
Shiri yelling my name so I turned backwards and than I saw
him. He was standing in the corner with a big smile on his
face. I was astounded, I couldn't even move. He came to me
and hugged me.
"May?" He asked.
"I can't believe my eyes... you are here!" I said and hugged
him.
"I have been waiting so long to do this..." he said and than
he kissed me.
                                     

I knew he was with a girl while I was in Israel but I
didn't know what to do or to say to him.
                                         

"Don't lie to me! I know you are seeing some girl!" she
yelled at him.
"May what are you talking about?"
"I can see it in your eyes. I can see in your eyes how she
takes you away from me..."
He was shocked.
"There is no point to deny it, is there?" he asked.
"No."
"May don't cry, please don't cry... I was so lonely. That's
the only reason for what I have done with her, I swear! I
was just so lonely May..."
They looked at each other. Both of them were crying but
nobody hugged the other. The distance between them was a few
steps but it seems to them as if it was 1,000 miles.
"Ross what do you want me to say? I can't be angry because
it's not right. I know how hard it is to keep a relationship
when we don't live in the same country. I know how hard it
is to miss somebody 247. And I know how lonely you can get
and especially when the sun goes away and the moon comes.
And in night... you are alone with your thoughts and nobody
is there to see you. The curtain goes down and the show you
gave the whole day to people, acting like you are okay, that
show is over. At that moment you are alone and in that
moment you cry...
I didn't expect you to be faithful to me. All I wanted is
that you will tell me when you are seeing some girl."
"I am sorry... I am not seeing her nor have I seen other
girl.
I was lonely and I was so sad. I didn't know what to do.
I hate this feeling! I hate it when I miss you! It seems so
cruel to me that we can't be together because of this fuckin
distance!!!
You mean the world to me and I don't want to let you go..."
"So what now?" she asked while he was wiping her tears away.

"Now we will make a promise to each other.
Although it's hard to be together we will try. And if one of
us will meet someone we must tell the other about it.
We can't let the distance to ruin this. Remember... against
all odds baby."
She smiled and said: "against all odds my love."
                                   

I can't honestly say that I love you.
The feeling that controls me more than any other is me
missing you. It's such a strong feeling. I don't know what
to do with myself when I feel it.
Beneath this feeling there is the longing to be with you.
Beneath that there is the loneliness.
And than... than there is the real feeling, there is the
truth.
I feel so many things together and I can't tell which one is
the real feeling and which one is the false one.
                                     

"Sometimes I feel as if my heart will explode from this
feeling... from missing you." She said quietly to the
phone.
She cried softly, trying not to be so obvious, not to make
him know that she is crying.
She tried to imagine him lying in bed and talking to her but
she couldn't do that, it was too painful for her to imagine
that room, the room they shared with so many memories.
That's all she has of him- memories and pictures.
"Baby... my heart will explode if you won't open the door
now!"
She didn't understand at first so she asked him: "What?"
"Open the door baby."
She ran to the door and opened it. He was standing there
with a suitcase on his left side, a mobile phone in his hand
and flowers.
He hugged her tight while she was crying.
"Every day I feel as if my heart will explode from this
feeling of loving you..." He said softly.
"I love you more than life itself!" She said and kissed
him.
                                         

They didn't speak to each other any more but she had to go
back there, to visit her brother. She didn't tell Tom she
was coming to Rome to visit her brother. She didn't want to
see him there.
                                     

"This trip is hard enough for me. To be here with you in all
of the places I used to be with him, and this time I am not
with him nor will I be." I said to Ilaria.
"Don't think about it. Just try to have fun! You are in
Rome!!! It's a beautiful city! Try to enjoy May,
please!!!!"
The next day Ilaria was waiting for me in a coffee place and
I went to meet with her. On the way I got lost so I wanted
to ask a group of people that were walking towards me. Just
as I was about to ask one of them I dropped my piece of
paper. It was dark and I couldn't see it and by the time I
found it they went away.
And then I saw a guy that was just about to cross the
street. I went towards him and I asked for his help. He
didn't answer me so I looked up at him and I saw Ross.
"What are you doing here?" He asked.
"I came to visit Ilaria."
"Why didn't you tell me you are here?"
"Cause I didn't think it will have a point. After all, we
are broken up."
"You were going to ask me something. What was it?" He
asked.
"How do I get to this place?"
He looked on the name that was written on the paper and than
took me to Ilaria.
I was about to get in and he grabbed my arm. We just looked
at each other without saying a word for a few minutes.
"What?" I asked.
"I will call Ilaria tomorrow to talk to you."
"Don't say that. We both know that you won't call her."
"Why do you think that?"
"Do I need to remind you the last time we met? 'I will come
later may I promise.' Yeah Ross! You came alright..."
"I couldn't come! Don't blame me for things I am not guilty
of doing them!"
"Than whom should I blame?! Ah?! We were supposed to meet!
It was my last night in Rome and you didn't even come to say
goodbye to me!"
"And I am sorry for that, you know that..."
"How should I know that? You didn't speak to me any more!
I came back to Israel and you spoke to me in the messenger
on that day. And after that... after that you didn't speak
to me any more!
And now, after almost 6 months, now you are talking to me.
And why is that Ross? I'll tell you why, only because I am
here In front of you!"
"Don't be like that..."
"How do you want me to be?!"
"Be like you used to be..."
"I am sorry but the old May is not here any more. I have
changed Ross. I have changed a lot during the last two
years. I used to be happy; I used to smile all the time. And
now I am not like that.
I came back to Israel and I have become a sad person. I only
smile when you talk to me, when I see a picture of you, when
I am with you, and after that I cry.
So don't tell me to go back to the old May because she had
disappeared a long time ago and you didn't know that May."
"I used to know the May that I loved, the May that I still
love. You used to be so happy but after a while you became
sad and I knew it was because of me so I decided to end it.
I wanted you to be yourself again, to be happy. To go out
with guys that will love and treat you good and most
important, with guys that live in Israel.
I hurt myself with this decision and worst of all, I hurt
you. And for that I am sorry.
I still love you May. There isn't a day that goes by that I
don't think about you.
I keep saying to myself that I ruined the promise. Against
all odds. Do you still remember that?"
"Yes."
He didn't know what to say, he just looked at her.
"I can't take any more." She said and kissed him.
                                       

As always it was hard for her to go back to Israel.
She hated to come back without him, to be alone, to be far
away from him.
It broke her heart. She knew they must put an end to
this.
                                       

They stood in the airport waiting for Ilaria to come.
"I hate leaving this place... it breaks my heart over and
over again."
"Don't worry... tomorrow it will be better, I promise." He
said as he was looking into her eyes, trying to find the
sparkle in her eyes. But he didn't find it.
"Don't promise me things you can't keep..."
Ilaria came in and she knew she has to say goodbye again.
They hugged each other and cried. And than she left her
alone with Ross.
"So I guess its goodbye again..." she said softly, trying to
fight her tears to go away.
"But this time it's different..." she added.
"It's only for the best." He said.
He kissed her just like he kissed her after he didn't see
her a few months, a kiss full of passion and love. He knew
this kiss has to be special because it's the last kiss.
She didn't want to let go of him, she wanted to stay like
this for ever. But she knew, this must be done, it must be
over, for the sake of both of them.
He hugged her and than she said: "if you won't let go of me
now I will never leave..."
He let go of her and they were both crying.
"I never imagined that this will be the end of this..." she
said.
"Me neither."
"I love you. I will always love you. But now... now I am
putting you in a corner, a corner in my heart. I don't want
to suffer again so I must do it. But I promise to let you
out of this corner if things will change."
"I know... I promise to let you get out of the corner
also."
"Okay... I am going now... thank you for the greatest love I
ever felt. Thank you for letting me be a part of your
life."
"Thank you for being yourself, for loving me, for letting me
to know you and to feel like this, to be in love."
She gave him a kiss and walked away.
When the plane lifted she felt as if her heart fall down in
Rome and now she is just a body without a heart or a soul.
                                           

She stopped writing. She didn't know how to continue the
story. Should she write the truth, what really happened, or
she write lies in order to finish the book.
She got up from her chair and went to the porch. She looked
at something and than she went back to the computer. Now she
knew what to write...