I wouldn't want to be told 'I love you' out of routine. You
know, when the major though is 'she hasn't heard me telling
her that I love her in a long while'. I would rather not
hear the words 'I love you' at all. More than anything I
would love this honest blast of emotion when he looks in to
my eyes and sighs with the deepest sincerity. When there's
this quite pause before, when he glances into my mind and
assumes that I already know; he is sharing this notion only
because he needs this emotional outlet.

Not that I have anyone who would say 'I love you' to me-
other than my mom. But this is the point, isn't it? It needs
it to build up; it needs it to be rare, uncommon. To
acknowledge this notion as special, it must be special,
right? I forget that on lonely summer nights.  

Sometimes I feel trapped in my world. I'm surrounded by this
cloud of loose thoughts, like this piece of paper you keep
in your wallet that over time crumbles; you find out that
you needed that piece of information just after it's
invisible to you. When it's hot outside and humid and you
turn on the aircon, yet over time, your skin is numb to the
flow of the exact same type of air.

Once in a while I get a moment of clarity. The window opens,
a thrush of fresh air, suddenly its mid-autumn, suddenly my
brain is receiving the oxygen it lacked.  My skin is
stimulated, I'm alive.

I don't believe that two people were meant for each other.
Call me a pessimist, call me an optimist, call me. There is
no perfect one for me. There is perfect one of a few. Or is
it that there are none?

When the moment of clarity fades, it's when it's the
hardest. Life is unbearable, but I move on. There's always
tomorrow and the day after that. Life is worth while for
that moment of clarity. Waiting all along for that perfect
Wednesday afternoon, when the sun shine just at the right
intensity, and its impossible not to sit outside, enjoying
the dimming light of the sun until dusk caresses you with
care and you give yourself away to the gently blowing wind.


Right then, scenarios run in my head. It's clear to me who I
am; who I want to be. I know for sure that I, too, would
find love, and if not, at least I would make peace with
that.