"So what you are saying, that there is this "soul-stone"
where Diablo is imprisoned?" asked Dortmund with amazement.
"Yes" answered Rami impatiently.
"And all I have to do is find this cow and "click" on it 50
times... "Click?" What do you mean by "click"?"
"You'll understand when you get there."
"So... let me get this straight, Diablo is imprisoned in
this "soul-stone" and if a good guy breaks it, he'll be
banished from this world and if a bad guy breaks it then
he'll terrorize this land?"
"Exactly"
"Guess I'll have to master my skills and battle many diverse
monsters and find all kinds of mystical magical items in
order to find this "soul-stone"."
"Probably"
"This sound extremely stupid"
"Hey Blizzard wouldn't lie to us"
"What do you mea..."
The door slammed in Dortmund's face like doors everywhere
after a marital dispute. when the sound of the sentence "she
meant nothing to me" can be heard and it means the same all
around the world, that you're probably going to sleep
outside tonight.
On his way to his newly acquired quest Dortmund met Gill,
who was on his way to Rami's house and looked happier then
ever.
When Gill reached Rami's entrance door he heard the sound of
a heavy chain dragging across the floor. Gill knocked on the
door hurriedly.
"Just a minute!" said Rami from behind the door. The sound
of a big lock being locked was heard from inside and then
the sound of footsteps approaching the door.
"Get in quick" said Rami, pulled Gill inside and locked the
door behind him.
"Nobody followed you?" asked Rami
"No. have you unplugged the phone?" asked Gill in return
"Yes"
"Nailed the windows shut?"
"Of course"
"Canceled the newspaper?"
"Shot the delivery boy"
"What did you do about the fridge?"
Rami pointed at the fridge which was clapped in chains
"Excellent. there will be no interruptions this time"
Gill tapped his fingers together with a maniacal grin
"And I saw you got rid of Dortmund"
"Did you bring... ...IT?" asked Rami.
"What do you think?!"
Does it have a long complicated plot coated with a silly
teenager love story? Will we face countless random battles
against ugly looking stupid named monsters? Does it have
hypnotic rhythmic music?!"
"It is the new final fantasy isn't it?"
"Prepare to decompose" decaled Rami

Couple of hours later...
"Ok I think I need to pee. no wait I defiantly need to pee"
"Wait there is a boss battle soon... here we go"
"Why does it look like a giant notebook?"
"What would he do to us, give us a paper cut?!"
"Squash Attack?! It weighs like... like... a frickin
paper!"
At that point a big heavy item appeared over the three
heroes and just like it said before they were squashed1
"Noo... he squashed my precious Sarina2 yelled gill with
genuine concern.
"Gill, calm down you started glowing again"
"Her precious body... her tiny bones... give me that control
I'm going to get medieval on his arse"
It is common knowledge that every Japanese animated game
should contain at least one very digtally attractive girl
who wears minimal weirdly shaped clothes. and as always Gill
fell in love with her (sad but true story).
And like men every where, well most men at least, when the
digitally enhanced love subject gets beaten up- Gill got
upset and slew that boss using the best Technicolor
techniques available.
"Hey remember me?" said Rami "Still have to pee here."
"Alright..." boomed a voice as strong as a rolling thunder
"You are excused"

Couple of days later in the depths of the refrigerator an
annoyed M was pacing back and forth in his office.
"I can't believe he locked us in here while a giant
inter-dimensional worm is attacking this puny planet"
Most people think that wormholes are a method to travel
through space. Very few remember they are called wormholes
for a reason.

Back in Rami's house Rami and Gill were concentrated in the
game. While not far away, in physical distance, because they
both were somewhere else, the refrigerator rambled in his
chains and a certain humming could have been heard from
inside. something like ...."Open the door...End of the
Earth... Complete destruction... 2 doughnuts for 1
dollar..."
If they would've heard that, well the latter one at least,
they might have opened the locks. But they didn't. Rami was
busy solving a mini-game.
"So all I have to do is memorize this number, then convert
it to binary code, then translate that code into controller
keys, type it in reverse then I have 20 seconds to get a set
of keys, transform them back into a number and then
calculate the number of the prime diverters of that one and
then..."
"Oh Sarina why did you have to choose that pretty white
sociopath kid with issues... Just because he has a big sword
and spiky colorful hair, who is oblivious to the fact that
you love him."
Let me see 0101011 times 2... is 110001 a prime number?"
"Sarina I love you!"

A couple of days later...
"Why do you keep leveling them up?" asked Gill "You're
strong enough and you got their ultimate weapons, after a
series of mind bending mini-games at 4 am."
"Because being way too powerful is fun and educational.
Besides, I wanna kill that pesky bonus boss"
"You mean that thing that kills all your characters in one
blow and is immune to everything. And would probably give
you in the end an object which you already possess and isn't
really important, because the final boss is nothing compared
to that."
"Hey he issued the challenge"- you are probably wondering
why the last bit wasn't funny, well it was a statement to
the world and to Square-Enix and just to amuse you... I set
Gill on fire. Why? Because I can, being way too powerful IS
fun.

A couple of days later...
They say at the end of the world the four horseman of the
apocalypse will ride out. This time they were too busy being
chased by the interstellar worm which wrecked havoc around
the world. But in one single house...
"Stop crying Gill she was out of your league anyhow."
"Why Sarina? Why? We could have made beautiful music
together."
"I can't believe its over. I can't believe he wasn't his
brother and that they were all just ghosts and that it
wasn't a dream"
"Sarina! Why?!" cried Gill.
"What do we do now?"
"Don't know. sniff I guess the world should come to an
end!" Gill wiped his nose and sniffed again
"Guess I should go home now." said Gill "It's been 2 months
and I forgot to feed my fish, turn off the lights and I left
the water running. Oh and I think my grandmother was locked
inside." and walked over to the door.
When he opened the door he narrowed his eyes expecting the
sun to hurt them. The door made the sound of a giant, steel
safe door as she opened. Gill and Rami walked out into the
barren world left by the worm.
"How long have we been there?"
"I can't believe we destroyed the world. Again"
"Wanna try the alternate ending?"
"Do I ever?"
1. It varies according to the version... in the European
version it is a generic 16 ton anvil.
2. Sarina- the ordinary final fantasy heroine: Cute,
minimally clothed, completely in love with the main hero and
utterly useless. But fun to watch.