You know, I'm not that weird, I used to have friends just
like you. It just didn't work out, apparently people have an
annoying tendency to feel that joy and me can't fit in the
same heart. Go figure.
However, I am familiar with the term. Friendship - A
symbiotic system of interests based on co-exploitation
between two or more subjects. This is an upgraded version of
the definition, you see, I learn pretty fast.
Sometimes (too many times actually) I close my eyes and
think of the friends I used to have. Crying sometimes help,
and that business with the knives isn't my business anymore,
so you must understand that this is a ceremony I don't
enjoy.
Lately I've stopped. Stopped crying, stopped talking,
stopped leaving the house, stopped living. Can't stop
feeling. Can't stop missing them.
You know what I sometimes dream of? Friendship like it used
to be, when it was pure love between people, when my eyes
were still closed to the truth. I think of people who'll be
able to look at my eyes and see how I feel...it's very easy,
my eyes never lie and have a very limited vocabulary. People
who'll know when I lie and say "everything's fine, how about
you?". People who after seeing me looking at you the whole
night will know that when I get up suddenly and say "I gotta
take me a nice long shit!" I'm actually going to the
bathroom so that no one can see me cry. I can't let anyone
see me broken anymore.
I guess I'd like them to be the kind of friends you could've
been to me. If only you could love me...