EXT. CAR TRAVELING. -- NIGHT

Car stops at traffic light.  Two people sit in the car.
Mary ( 30 ) driver, Dan ( 35 ) sits next to her.  Another
car stops on their right at the traffic light.  A woman (50)
is driving, next to her is a man.  The window on the
driver's side rolls down

WOMAN
Excuse me mister.

Dan rolls down his window,

DAN
You talking to me ?

WOMAN
Yes.  Is this the way to Carlo's place ?

DAN
Sure.  Only the wedding is off.

WOMAN
What?

MARY
Dan please.

DAN
Didn't you hear.  Florence ran away with her neighbor.  A
guy called Oliver Trout.

WOMAN
Poor Stan.

DAN
Stan's lucky.  Any woman running away with a person with
such a name is not for him.

MARY
Dan.  Please.

WOMAN
( to her husband)
You hear that Nick.The bitch stood him up.  Didn't I tell
you she would ?  Didn't I ?

MARY
My husband was just joking.  Carlo's place is straight
ahead.  1 mile and turn left at the dirt road.

WOMAN
A sick joke if you ask me.

DAN
Well no one...

The traffic light changes and the other car goes on.

DAN (CONT'D)
Fuck her

Mary drives on.

MARY
Who?

DAN
This woman.  Ugly as a cow.

MARY
It was dark.

DAN
Her voice Mary her voice.  Ugly.

MARY
Why take it on the poor woman when I was the one to make you
go to the wedding.
(beat)
Stan is your friend.

DAN
It's his cake.  I took it for five  years.  No more.

MARY
Hobby.  Wish you had one.  Even baking.

DAN
It's an obsession with him.  Only this one cake.  Honey.

MARY
You never called me that before.

DAN
Not you.  The cake is made of honey.

Mary breaks suddenly.  The car slides a little.

DAN (CONT'D)
You done it again.

MARY
It was a cat.  Lucky I missed it.

DAN
It was probably on his way to the wedding.  Do cats like
honey?

MARY
You want to take the wheel?

Silence.

MARY (CONT'D)
So shut the fuck up.

DAN
This time I am going to tell him.  Even if it fucks up our
friendship.  I won't eat the cake.

The car phone rings.  Three time.

MARY
Pick it up.  It's probably Chuck.

Dan picks up the phone.

DAN
Yeah.

He listens.

DAN (CONT'D)
Mary's at the wheel if you call that driving.

He listens

DAN (CONT'D)
We're almost there.
(beat)
It 's that damn cake.  I won't eat it.

MARY
As if he cares what we eat.

Dan listens.

DAN
Never mind what Mary just said.  Ok?

He hangs up.

DAN (CONT'D)
Fuck Chuck.

MARY
What was it this time ?

DAN
He said I got to eat the cake.  I got to do nothing.

MARY
So don't.

DAN
I knew he was going to say that.  He'll eat anything.  He
always did as a kid.



The car goes over a bump in the road.

DAN (CONT'D)
Watch it Mary.

Mary breaks the car.

DAN (CONT'D)
Have to turn left here for Carlo's place Mary.

EXT. THE CAR ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD. THERE IS A DIRT ROAD
TO THE LEFT. MARY GETS OUT.MARY BENDS DOWN, PICKS SOMETHING
UP AND THROWS IT. A DOG BARKS SOMEWHERE.  A CAR COMES BEHIND
THEM AND STOPS. THE DRIVER GETS OUT. IT IS CHUCK ( 30 ). HE
LOOKS INTO MARY'S CAR AND SEES DAN. CHUCK WALKS OVER TO
MARY. -- NIGHT

CHUCK
What's that with the cake?

MARY
He won't eat it.

CHUCK
Come on.  He has been saying it for years.  In the end he
always eats it.

MARY
This time he means it Chuck.
( beat)
Stan won't forgive him.  Ever.

CHUCK
It's not Stan's fault that his baking teacher died after one
lesson.

MARY
He could have taken another teacher.

CHUCK
It's been five years and he still grieves for her.  He
sometimes visits her grave hoping for inspiration.

Chuck goes to Dan's side of the car.  He knocks on the
window.

CHUCK (CONT'D)
Open up Dan.

Dan does not move.

CHUCK (CONT'D)
No one will force you to eat the cake.

Dan rolls down the window.

DAN
What was that ?

CHUCK
I said no one will force you to eat the cake.

DAN
You sure?

CHUCK
I'll eat it for you.  How that for a brother's loyalty.

Mary comes over.

MARY
Well?

DAN
Chuck says he'll eat my cake.
(beat)
Ok. Thanks.

MARY
So it's settled.

She walks over to her car.  Dan does not move.

CHUCK
Well?

DAN
What if he sees you ?

CHUCK
He won't.  He'll be busy with his other guests.

DAN
Supposing he comes to me and asks me " How was the cake
Daniel ? "

Mary comes back.

MARY
What's the matter now ?

CHUCK
Did you know that Stan calls him Daniel ?
(to Dan)
You sure?

DAN
Of course I'm sure.  Why?

CHUCK
Because Stan never goes for long names.

Mary laughs

MARY
How does he say it?  Is it a quick  " Daniel  or long " D a
n I e l "?

CHUCK
I am sure it's the short version.

DAN
Kind of in between.  As if he wants to taste it before it
leaves his mouth.

MARY
Did you ever call him Stanley ?  Maybe it's his way of
getting back at you ?

CHUCK
Years ago he beat the shit out of George when he called to
him from across the street " Hi there Stanley ".

DAN
Yeah.  I was there when he crossed the street - between the
cars - and pinned George against the wall of the National
Bank.

MARY
Was it before they painted the bank ?

CHUCK
You're thinking of the Chase bank.

MARY
The National is on Grover and Flint?

DAN
I was telling you that he calls me Daniel so how the hell
did we get to National?

MARY
Yeah.  Go on Dan.

DAN
The tablecloth got to be be all dirty.  I spill crumbs on
the tablecloth and Chuck doesn't.  So Stan will spot it.

CHUCK
I'll do my best to spill some crumbs on the tablecloth.  OK
?

DAN
Not some.  Make a real mess will you ?

CHUCK
Half of the cake'll be on the tablecloth.  How's that?

DAN
There's no need for that much.  Just a little.

MARY
How little ?

Dan bends down.  He picks up some dirt between the thumb and
forefinger.

DAN
This much.

MARY
I will not call that a " mess "

DAN
Stan does.  He says " You made a mess so it'll have to go to
the cleaners ".

CHUCK
Let me have the dirt.

MARY
What for ?

CHUCK
Just so I'll know how much.

Dan takes Chuck palm.

CHUCK (CONT'D)
What you doing?

DAN
I don't want it to fall between your fingers.

Dan puts the dirt on Chuck's palm.  Mary looks at it.

MARY
There are a few small stones in it.  You want some crumbs to
be the size of these stones ?

DAN
Don't have to be.
(beat)
You won't be able to fake it Chuck.

CHUCK
Yes I will.  Promise.

DAN
Mary might get away with it.

MARY
I won't do it. Except...

DAN
Don't say it.

CHUCK
Not the cherry. You won't get the cherry this time Mary.

MARY
Please.

DAN
What say we leave the cherry to Chuck ?

MARY
OK.

DAN
So you'll eat the cake ?

MARY
No.

DAN
Please.  For me .

MARY
Hate honey cake.  There's an aftertaste.

CHUCK
What the hell is aftertaste?

MARY
When you finish eating it, crumbs and all, your mouth tastes
funny kind like paper.

DAN
So wash it down with wine or coke.

MARY
If Stan sees me drinking coke immediately after he'll know I
didn't like the cake.

CHUCK
It'll ruin his whole honeymoon.

MARY
And Florence'll hate me for the rest of their marriage.  She
might even tell their kids.

CHUCK
So what?

MARY
The kids'll hate me and my kids.

DAN
But we don't have any.

MARY
Will have.

A police car approaches and stops behind Chuck's car.  Both
doors open and two policemen step out.  Norman ( 25 ) and
Steve ( 26).  They walk to Dan, Mary and Chuck.

CHUCK
You'll have to explain to his kids why you made Mary eat the
cake.
(beat)
Which will make it clear to them that you hated their
father's baking.

DAN
Not all of his baking.  Just the honeycake.

MARY
But he doesn't make any other cakes.

DAN
Maybe by the time he has kids he'll know how to bake other
cakes?

MARY
Like what?

CHUCK
Brownies.  Fruitcakes.

DAN
I like fruitcake.
(beat)
Stan doesn't eat bananas.  It gives him a rash.

The policemen come to them.

CHUCK
Hi Officers.

NORMAN
You can't park in here.  Move on.

DAN
We're on our way to Stan's wedding.

STEVE
Had no idea Stan's getting married

MARY
Yeah.  To Florence.

NORMAN
Florence Hastings ?

DAN
Got it the first time.  Ten points to Officer...

NORMAN
Norman
(Points to Steve)
This here is my partner Steve.

STEVE
Funny her marrying Stan.

CHUCK
What's so funny?  They're in love.

STEVE
I was at Parkview grocery when I heard her telling Kern that
she hated Stan's honeycake.  

CHUCK
She going to be there ?

STEVE
Come on.  It's her wedding.

CHUCK
Not Florence.Kern.

MARY
Sure.  Her and Bob.  They went to Sunford High together.

STEVE
How can Florence marry a guy who makes one kind of a cake
for six years ?

CHUCK
Five.

MARY
And not even a fruitcake.

DAN
Told you.  Banana gives him rash.

STEVE
I once knew someone who died of it.  Poor man.

MARY
Come on.  No one dies of rash.

STEVE
No.  He was a blind man and did not see the banana on the
sidewalk.

MARY
What about his dog?

CHUCK
What his dog got to do with it?

MARY
Well the dog could have warned him.

NORMAN
Dogs are not trained to warn blind people about banana peels
on the sidewalk.

MARY
Why not?

The radio in the patrol car makes a sound.  Norman goes back
to the car.

STEVE
I guess we have to go.
(beat)
Hate to give you a ticket.  So you better go to the wedding.
Bet there is good food there and Stan's honeycake.  Lucky I
wasn't invited.  So long folks.

Steve leaves.  He walks to the car and it takes off , siren
blasting.

DAN
Steve said that Florence hated the cake.

MARY.
So you're not the only one.

DAN
I guess I'll eat the cake after all.
(beat)
I might even get to like it.

Mary and Dan go to their car and Chuck goes to his.  Both
cars turn left to the dirt road.

END
























































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