The Battle of the Formidable (awe filled pause) Thip and the
evil Glook

Once upon a time, there lived a great and powerful wizard
named (awe filled pause) Thip. At one time of his
adventurous and interesting life, he traveled through the
Kru-Nurian arid wastelands. He had heard the nasty
Gibberlings were giving the good elves and dwarves of
Menth-Taron a hard time, because they had the aid of a
powerful shaman. So Thip decided to take on the gibberling
shaman single-handedly, to a magical duel.
He also knew that Menth-Taron was famous for having one of
man's priceless treasures buried near its town center. It
was an artifact of life, that gave prosperity and well being
and happiness to all the lands around it. But that had no
effect on his decision to go there, of course.
Shamans are the mages of barbarian races, such as orcs,
gibberlings, goblins, and those pesky humans of the blue
glacier. They make magic by strange and funny dances,
usually around a blazing fire.
So Thip Searched and Hiked and Climbed and Sought and Looked
and Canvassed the Kru-Nurian arid wastelands around
Menth-Taron, until finally he asked someone, and was told
the shaman's cave was just outside town, to the north. So
Thip walked to the cave along the path, and entered the
shaman's hideout.
The hideout was not at all like a halfling dwelling, cozy
and warm and brown, with packed dirt ground and a nice warm
fire, ornamented with merry furniture and decorations. It
was a large, hollow, cold, gray cave, with no fire
whatsoever, with small animal's bones and skulls to
decorate.
Thip strode on fearlessly.
It appeared that Glook was out of his home. Thip knew it was
bad for little boys and halflings to rummage through other
people's property, so he just looked around.
Despite the cave's gloominess, and its dreary occupants,
spiders and vipers, and bats and rats, it was definitely an
interesting place, especially for one of Thip's profession.
Many wonders were discovered by Thip in the shaman's cave.
He found a cauldron that stirred itself endlessly, a green,
smelly goo boiling in it. On the flat outcropping that
served Glook as a table, he found a skull, hovering a few
inches above the surface. He found a gem that sung
whisperingly sweet lullabies to itself, and a sack that kept
refilling itself with silver coins, no matter how many Thip
swept out and placed in his pocket in the name of science,
for lack of another appropriate location. In a dark alcove,
in a small black sack, that was labeled "Emer-GenCy", He
found a small crystal bottle, with a peculiarly green liquid
in it, that bubbled and chirped to itself, and was labeled
"Tyrannosaurus Strength".
Thip was getting bored.
But then something caught Thip's eye. It was a dark, black
chest, with a sign reading "No TouCh! BoOm!" draped on it.
Thip was intrigued. What possibly could a gibberling keep in
such a sturdy, no-strangers-allowed box. He of course
respected the gibberling's right to privacy, but nonetheless
he could not rest until he knew. He decided a short peak
would be okay. So he took a few steps back, and then he
Casted and blasted,
and charmed and armed
and conjured and abjured
and invoked and evoked
and then, finally, the lock broke and fell to the ground.
Immediately, a great jet of flame scorched everything around
the chest, with a big BoOm. Since everything was already
gray-black, this was not so bad, and Thip hoped maybe Glook
won't notice. He then approached the chest.
In it he found the most amazing thing.
It was another crystal bottle. This one, however, did not
contain a green liquid, that bubbled and chirped endlessly,
but rather, a small man, that seemed to be made only of
fire. Thip looked at the tiny man in the bottle, and the man
looked right back at him. The man made an awful frown at
Thip, and then sent a miniature fireball at him, that
exploded on the inside of the bottle. Thip suspected the
little man didn't like him.
There was a small label on this bottle too. Thip found the
shaman to be very tidy. The label read: "DaNGer! dO noT
oPen!"
Thip found the little man very interesting, so he took the
bottle, and began walking around the cave again. He reached
the dark alcove in which was the black sack in which was the
other crystal bottle, with the green chirping bubbling
liquid. He took the other bottle from the sack and examined
it again.
Thip was getting bored. Again.
He started juggling the bottles. You might think this a
trifle dangerous, or even reckless, but Thip was a master
juggler. There was no chance he would drop the bottles. No
chance whatsoever. Suddenly, Thip heard a rumble mumble
tumble fumble, and knew the gibberling shaman, Glook, was
coming. He quickly returned the bottles to their places, and
prepared himself to meet the shaman he intended to duel.
Glook came in.
Glook was a large Gibberling. In fact, he was half Grimlock,
though no one but his mother knew it. He had gray fur all
over his body, that reminded Thip of the mat outside the
house of Flip, his neighbor. In his hand he held a large hip
bone, that Thip supposed served him as a walking cane, that,
peculiarly enough, had dried blood congealing on it.
"I am the formidable (awe filled pause) Thip, and I have
come to Duel you to the death, or at least until you are in
great pain" announced Thip, introducing himself and stating
his business in one dashing sentence, he thought.
"Gourrre?" said Glook wisely.
Thip decided he had enough with pleasantries, and it was
time for business. So he
Casted and blasted
and charmed and armed
and conjured and abjured
and evoked and invoked
and then, finally, a large boot materialized from thin air
next to him. He pointed at Glook. The boot hurled itself at
the gibberling. Glook, having no time to defend himself,
turned around. The boot struck him squarely on the
backside.
"Yeeeeaaarrrggghhhh!!!!" said Glook, jumping in the air and
turning around, rubbing his aching backside with both hands.
Thip uttered a few words, and a magical spell absorbing
barrier appeared in front of him. He steeled himself to the
coming magical retaliation of the shaman.
"Aaaarrrggghhh!!!" said Glook, lurched at Thip, and hit him
on the head with his bone club so hard, he saw sparkling
stars and colorful rainbows. Thip knew that the important
thing in a magical duel was to keep calm and to concentrate.
Glook seemed to be losing his focus, thought Thip. So he
Casted and blasted
and charmed and armed
and conjured and -
Glook picked him up and threw him to the other side of the
cave, near the entrance. The sensation was quite like
flying, except for the thudding crash at the end.
"I'm not sure that's legal in magical duel" thought Thip, as
he got back to his feet.
Thip heard behind him the shaman. He
Danced and stanced
growled and snarled
jiggled and giggled
pounced and bounced
cackled and gaggled
spat and sat
snickered and flickered
quickly rose and picked his nose
And then, finally, a huge fist, the size of two halflings,
appeared, and smashed Thip against the wall, leaving cracks
in the cave.
Thip decided it was time for a heavy duty spell. So he
Casted and blasted,
and charmed and armed
and conjured and abjured
and invoked and evoked
and at the same time, Glook
Danced and stanced
growled and snarled
jiggled and giggled
pounced and bounced
cackled and gaggled
spat and sat
snickered and flickered
Quickly rose and picked his nose
Then, finally, Thip was suddenly all cocooned up, like a
caterpillar turning into a butterfly, and couldn't move a
muscle.
But he did manage to complete his spell, and so, a massive
wall erupted from the ground between him and Glook, blocking
the cave. The wall was made of stout, solid, massive,
unyielding, firm, enormous onions and gigantic heads of
garlic.
As much as Thip was trapped in the cocoon, Glook was trapped
in the end of the cave. Thip could hear him cursing, at the
stench or something like that, he couldn't make it out that
well, what with the cocoon and the wall between them.
Glook knew he had his opponent at his mercy, if only he
could pass the wall, so he
Thrashed and crashed
And hammered and staggered
And rammed and crammed
Used all his might
For he just had to win this fight
And fiercely struck
but was out of luck
So he just sat down and said "Oh Fu-"
Thip, in his cocoon, could see one of the giant onions
vibrate lightly, as the shaman rammed himself against it.
Thip knew it was to no avail. It would take magical strength
to break through the wall. All he must do is concentrate.
That is the secret to winning a duel.
Glook decided this was definitely an Emer-GenCy, and so
reached for the dark alcove in which was the black sack, in
which he KNEW was the bottle of Tyrannosaurus Strength.
Indeed he found the bottle, and hastily imbibed its
content.
What he didn't know, was that in his haste, Thip confused
the bottles, and placed the green, chirping one in the black
chest, and the one containing the little man of fire in the
alcove.
So Glook drank the little man entire. Now, the little man
was actually a very big man, a visitor, from the elemental
plane of fire. As he exited the bottle, he began regaining
his large stature. Unfortunately for Glook, this happened in
his bowels. And so, at first, he felt as if he had drunk a
glowing ember. Then he felt as if an entire furnace was
within him. Then he felt nothing, and was splattered on the
walls.
Meanwhile, Thip in the cocoon,
Struggled and fumbled
Squirmed and wormed
Fought and sought
Kicked and licked
Strained and sprained
Wriggled and giggled
Knew he couldn't let this be the end of the tale,
But realized it was to no avail.
He was completely restrained.
Strange crashing noises came from beyond the wall, and then
a juicy SPLAT.
"What on Mezzet is going on in there?" thought Thip.
The visitor, that was free from the bottle, decided he
wanted to go back home, since he didn't really like this
plane of existence, what with the smell and all. But he did
decide to leave the residents of this plane something to
remember him by. A thundering explosion severed Thip's train
of thought, and he found himself once again hurled in the
air, and out of the cocoon.
He swirled and twirled
flipped and slipped
was tossed and was lost
was thrown and was blown
wished he had clung
and was forcefully flung
Onwards he blew and towards he flew
and landed briskly all black and blue
on the soft dunes of the wasteland in Nurian-Kru.