She sits on the windowsill and tries to figure out what went
wrong. Looks out the window at the bright city lights and
can't help but wonder what she'd done now. Yes, she was
known for ruining all good things that came across her path,
few as they were, but this time...this time she didn't even
know what she'd done. How could she? He never talked, and
told her off for asking., insisting stubornly that
everything was just fine, that nothing had changed. As she
looks out at the starry sky, which looked as if it reflected
the flickerring  lights in the tall buildings she was
looking at, she was no closer to finding an answer. No
closer than she was an hour ago, sitting in the exact same
place on the window. She was scared. Not of the fact there
was a problem, oh no, she was used to that. She knew the
problems didn't really disappear when this all started, they
just faded temporarily into the backround, overshadowed by
the new light she was suddenly surrounded by. Her old fears
didn't really go away; they just disappeared for a brief
period: hiding behind the shadow of momentary happiness,
that she knew wouldn't last long. It couldn't last long. Not
with her. She knew it would end up this way all along. What
she didn't know is why. And that's what scared her now. Why
did everything go wrong? What did she do this time? What did
she say? how did it all get ruined?
In the back of her mind she knew the answer. She'd known it
all along. It was the only answer, but she kept pushing it
back the moment it tried to creep up into her
conciousness.She couldn't hold it back anymore. It's what
caused her problems. It's what kept ruining things, and the
voice in her head kept getting louder. And as the first
tears started forming in her eyes, distorting her vision and
making the thousands of lights outside become a blur of
yellow patches on a black background, she knew the voices in
the back of her mind were right, but it was only when the
tears started streaming down her cheeks she finally  gave in
and let the thought take control of her entire mind ans she
whispered the truth faintly out loud "I was only being
myself".