The man who had a newspaper on his head was always
up-to-date. He always knew all the latest news, and always
was the first to know. As he grew older and smarter and
richer, he decided one newspaper wasn't enough, and by the
time he was 20, he had the three biggest newspapers in the
country and two local weekend editions on his head. When he
was 23, he met a woman with three nature magazines and one
about computers on her head. He impressed her with his
newest geography magazine, and later that year they married
in a big wedding that was covered in all the tabloids. They
lived in a big house and loved each other, and every day
they changed each other's newspapers. All the people in
their neighbourhood liked being around them, because they
were so up-to-date in stuff and knew whenever things
happened.
After two years they had their first child, and he was born
with a newspaper on his head, and his parents were very
happy with it, and started right away with kids' magazines.
Their second son was born soon after, and when he was 13,
after having the economic section on his head for about six
years and a car magazine for eight years, his mother came
home one day with a little baby. They sat down to the table-
the man with five new medical magazines, the woman with four
women's magazines and her newest subscription- the Mental
Health Weekly, and their children. The older, 15 years old
by now, with all the magazines his parents ordered for him
and hidden between them- a Playboy and a Penthouse, and the
younger, who was 13 years old.
The parents explained to both their sons that they have a
new baby sister, but there's a slight problem. She doesn't
have a newspaper on her head.
They named her Jane. They called her weirdo. And she grew
up. At first, she tried really hard. She read every paper
she could get her hands on. When she was 5, she glued a
whole box of tissues to her hair with Super-Glue. But it was
too little, too late. So she stopped even trying. On her
16th birthday, after al she got, again, was another
youth-zine subscription, she jumped into the paper shredder
in the kitchen.
The man who had a newspaper on his head was in the middle
of the article about teen swimmers when his wife got into
the room. Look at this article I'm reading in Mental Health
Weekly, she said, remember that case of death by a paper
shredder? They're still trying to put the suicide note
together and read it. By the way, where's the weirdo? Her
17th birthday subscription just got here.