Once upon a time, way back in the faraway future, southern
than Antarctica, and northern than the North Pole, there was
a tiny isolated country. As in most countries of the time,
as far as its inhabitants were concerned, it was the center
of the universe. No fools on its hills. It was as large as
an eye pupil in a dark room.
Though there was something different about it. Something in
the air, except air pollution.
No, its citizens did not stand on their heads, nor went to
shopping malls buying brands. They had no tribal tattoos or
fashionable piercing. Strangely enough, they had no high
schools, values, dressing codes, ethics codes and safe codes
- they were pretty - as some conceited snotty politician
might say - 'Primitive'. I would prefer 'Normal' or 'I wish
our society would be like that'.
They were not guided by laws. They were instinctively good
people. I guess there were a few exceptions, but it's
another story.
By the way, you may well not agree with my definition of the
residents, and believe every word that I say, just like you
should not agree and believe to everything anyone has ever
told you, written down, read in the public, or heard from a
friend of a relative who has two friends in Mozambique who
assured him every single fact is as true as I'm a gorgeous
blue eyed tight assed four legged Pekingese. But I got
carried away. My point was that it's all a matter of
perspective. And mine may be quite distorted. I don't know.
You tell me...

I'm sorry if I let you down informing you that this is a
heroless tale.
I believe that it really ruins the longed for fairy tallish
point of the story, when the author picks up an absolutely
perfect character and turns it into the so called hero.
There are no heroes like that in life. I can't sympathize
with a tall great looking blond dude that everything works
out for him/her/it despite everything. Well, no perfect
people in this fairy tale, therefore no heroes. As in real
life, same is in our magic land.
It's a prototype concept, so give me some credit for it.

Anyway, our story begins here. Not quite at the beginning,
yet so far this story has been breaking every possible fairy
tale rule, so what the heck.
Back in our wonderland, zooming in on a magic town. It's
autumn fall and the trees look as naked as a silicone girl
in a nude beach. A magnificent odor is in the air - the damp
scent that welcomes winter. If some manufacturer would
succeed copying it, I don't know about you, but I would
definitely buy myself an after-rain scent in a bottle.
On the only main road leading to the village was walking a
one eyed princess accompanied by her guarding friend - a
magic dwarf. The pace was semi-slow. The poor lame princess
was troubled yet she has consistently kept pushing ahead.
The short legged dwarf was walking pretty fast for his size,
to keep up with the bouncing lame princess. They were on a
mission on behalf of the king.

That would be a good time to tell you there was a village
two mountains, three and a half hills and a river away. Very
few of the city residents had heard about its existence.
Just like the villagers had no clue there was a big town
across the hills. And the river. Actually, nobody really
cared. Especially in the city. They had no time for
"geographic bull". They were blinded buy money. Let's leave
them aside for exactly 10 seconds. Not a minute more, you
have my word.
In the village, if you were lucky enough, which is very
lucky, you could hear the eldest wise man whipping at night,
mourning the great life he could have had, if he hadn't got
lost in the woods that rainy night, two mountains, three and
a half hills and a river away from his past life.

Back to the city as I've promised. Me and The urban fellows,
I guess we had some difference of opinion. Difference in
taste if you would like to be a bit more specific. Don't get
me wrong, I don't reject their way of life, especially if
they love it and die with a fake smile on their silicone
faces. I simply object to it.
My point is that the princess had been lonesome, not only in
terms of relationships with guys, but in general.
The only one, lonely one, who was interested in her, not
quite sexually, who was kind and supporting towards the
princess despite her looks, except for her loving father of
course, was the magic dwarf, and she appreciated it.
She was pretty smart and as sweet as a 10 pound sugar pack,
but no one except the dwarf knew it. What a waste.
It took her some time, but finally, in her twentie's, she
got used to the fact that anyone who was interested in
interacting with her, in any possible way, did it because he
had to. She still was a princess. Not an astonishingly good
looking one, but still. Adults can be cruel as well.
Business is business and other people, especially if they
are not appealing to you, are just a way of expending your
business - making some more money in any possible non
ethical way. Making other people poor and miserable on your
way up is an option.

One day, her old man - The king, got a bit sick. Actually
very sick. Some say he got depressed because of his wife's
death, I, personally, heard people talking about a severe
influenza. Others claimed he had cancer, while a nether
group still insists it was a testicle cancer. And what
impact does it have on our story you would probably ask. The
answer is none and that's exactly my point.
So the king, he was the kindest guy, a great and loveable
ruler. A cool dude if I may add. You should meet him for a
cup of tea sometimes. I'm sure you'd know what I mean.

As you probably know, doctors can often be Hippocrates
they told the kind king his illness was fatal. He was as
close as a drugstore on Sunday to give up, but then he
remembered his old buddy, a great doctor, not a bit
hypocrite. Unfortunately, his childhood friend disappeared
one rainy day, many years before anyone could remember.
Things are fast forgotten in the big town. Especially sad
things - life has to go on. Mourning is just a waste of
time. Bums invented being bummed.
The king, much like the other city dwellers, though they
didn't quite know the missing person as well as he did, he
too wasted no time mourning. He fought his battles and won
them all, until one rainy day the illness attacked him. A
very similar day to the one when his friend - the doc, got
lost in the woods. He remembered it very clearly. An Elvis
shaped rain cloud was blocking the sun whilst another Monica
Lewinsky and Bill Clinton clouds were pouring heavy rain.
Anyway it was a bad day to die. So his loving daughter went
out, to the cruel world in search of a doctor, or some magic
medicine, I don't know exactly. Perhaps she was just crazed
with grief.

As she got out of the castle and passed the city walls, she
ran into that crazy magic dwarf I've just told you about. He
was a good friend of hers. They pretty much grew up
together. I mean she grew up and he stayed pretty much the
same size. His old man was a very famous dwarf in fairy tale
land. I bet you've heard about him. By the way, people
intend to picture dwarfs as elves of some kind, especially
if they are magic. They don't even look alike! Just wanted
to make one thing clear, once and for all, elves have
pointed ears! Dwarfs don't. They look pretty much like you
and me if we were a foot or two smaller. Nothing THAT
special. I don't get all the circus fans coming to see
midgets as if they were some kind of freaks. Same as I don't
get so called normal people who push them away from OUR
society. This is another thing I wish we, as people could
learn from our enchanting land. I bet I'd have the backing
of the midget communities worldwide.

The magic dwarf has a name by the way, just like the one
eyed pricess and the old guy. Same as the kind king and the
queen of England, but names are unimportant in a heroless
story. Though it is a bit undistinguished describing people
instead of calling them by  name, I'll stick to my way and
hope for their forgiveness. If they get mad or something I
promise you I'll change it immediately. No problem. This
tale is just a Prototype.

Sorry, got diverted once again. Well, once the magic dwarf
heard about the king's illness he recruited himself to help
the one eyed chick - that's how he called the princess -
finding a cure. They all had nicknames, just like we do.
Nicknames are allowed I guess. So she answered Prince's
wiener that he was more then welcome to join her. That
demands an explanation. By Prince I don't mean the singer,
hell no, he'd be offended If I called his hotdog a midget,
and I don't want to offend him, cause he maid an awful lot
of money out of that video of his, purple rain, and good
money equals good lawyers. By the way, just for the record,
I still can't see why the comparison to a midget is
insulting, but lawyers, They are pretty amusing.
The would have got their own mom in jail if you'd pay them
enough dough.
About the nickname, I guess it was just a private joke. No
one ever got it. Never try understanding people. Correction:
Do try, but don't get down if you don't succeed.

Anyway, the dwarf joined the prices and together they
continued their journey. They walked for three whole days,
and three whole nights, pretty much the time it takes
nowadays to get laid. Sad but true. But they were just
friend. Good friends. Drop the just, what else you need when
you have great friends? I'd tell you to imagine your best
friend and yourself in their place, but the comparison is
useless. They don't make friends like this any more.
After they got to the village finding the old man was no
trouble. That's the gain when you are hated by people. The
roots of hatred are in the unknown. This may be the reason
why people tend to know their enemies much better than they
know their best friends. That's if they are not such good
friends as the one eyed princess and the magic dwarf of
course, but they probably aren't anyway.

When the old man was found, they were half way there. What a
coincidence! He was found in the first village they looked
in! wow.. imagine their surprise..
He was told about the king's delicate condition and as a
result, all three, four actually, the princess, dwarf, the
old man and his pet drooling lizard, rushed back to the
city. They could not afford loosing any more time, so the
lame princess, was forced to ride the drooling lizard all
the way home. I assure you it was not a pleasant trip for
the lady. She preferred walking but time was short. Success
would not exist without sacrifice.
They went straight to the castle. After two hours of hiking
through the castle towards the king's room, the dwarf
offered a shortcut. He clapped his hands and suddenly they
were all right by the entrance door to the king's room. The
lizard bit the magically imbecilic dwarf, while the doc
fixed his tie and the princess just stood there singing Spin
Doctors songs. Finally, after they knocked on the door -
knocking is very important, god knows what he's doing in
there - they came in.
Talking to the king they realized that the spell casted by
the dwarf earlier, brought them to the king's room with
three years delay. The embarrassed dwarf shrugged his
shoulders and apologized. To much magic was performed at the
same time at magic land. The interMAGICnet provider just
couldn't handle the burden. They all knew there was nothing
left to be done about it. They now had to try and save the
dying king's life in the several minutes he had to live.
No one really knows what the illness was, except the old
doctor who died two years later. Some say he died from the
same old illness, others say he'd gone mad and blew himself
up. I'd prefer the second option. Why you ask? Cause I'm
sadistic.

No one knows what were the possible remedies suggested by
the doc. All I know for a fact, is that 3 minutes later,
they all came out smiling, slowly walking so that the
limping princess could keep up. By all I mean: The doctor
and his old buddy the kind king, chewing something green -
gum-like, as healthy as late Ofra haza was before she met
her husband, the lame limping one eyed princess, the
magically inane dwarf and The drooling, now taleless
lizard.

THE END
Or is it..?

Years later, I found an authentic paper signed by dr. Cohen,
the old guy himself, (just in case you've wondered, yes, the
doctors in fairy tale land were Jewish as well) that clearly
indicates that the king was perfectly fit and
healthy. Docs are hypocrites.. The doc wrote in his diary
(signed diary? huh?) that he fed the king with the lizards
tale just for the heck of it. The drooling b%@#& broke all
his china swinging that bastard. His last words were, and
don't hold me to my word, "Haha! This is for Mathilda!



The doc died two years later.
The king was eaten by a MAGIComputer virus.
The princess was struck by lightning right after she
confessed of her love to the dwarf.
The dwarf died of grief.
The lizard grew back her tail and she lives till this day,
drooling all over the place, and breaking china.

Lesson: Don't abuse animals.

THE END
It's as over as my story writing career