Day I
Flying was no strange experience for Him. His moving around
as a child did help Him adapt to flights. When you think of
it, one of the reasons for fear of flights is the fear of
leaving the ground - the place you've been accustomed to
love and like. For Him, leaving a place was never a problem
- He simply never grew too habituated to one. So flying, as
an act of leaving the ground and a loved place, came easy to
him. You might think it as a disturbing fact - a young man
with no roots. Actually He never felt that. For some reason
His life made Him roots everywhere. Wherever He went, He
felt alike. There were no places for which He yearned for
when He was away from them.
That particular day, looking from the window while the plane
approached the airport didn't thrill Him as it used to do
when He was younger.
He used to look at the approaching ground and take note of
every little thing He saw there. He liked the way it looked
- like a great puzzle. Life seemed so small to Him in those
moments. Only then He realized how futile He might be - like
all the myriads of people out there on the ground. Then He
realized for the first time that He must never be one with
those hordes of men. He must be different. His life should
pass in such a way that his tombstone would not be like any
other.
Now, with an empty look in His eyes, just like 20 years ago,
He stared... Not really at anything in particular. He was
just thinking. He remembered His high school years. That
time wasn't really abundant with wonderful experiences for
Him as it was for others.
His memories of high school mostly included His constant
attempts to familiarize Himself with others. He wasn't
acrimonious remembering those years. He simply had the
haunting sensation of missing something. He never ceased
trying to make the best out of those years. However, all to
no avail. For some reason He didn't seem to fit in. He
remembered His loneliness. He never felt happy then. Just
because He wanted to fit in didn't make it so. He could
find no reason for the course His life had taken.
His studies were driven by His constant yearns to understand
life. He could never find himself in it. Lost. Never could
He find a place for God in His heart. He was driven to look
for answers in different places.
He always envied the believers for a simple reason - they
believed. They had something to rely on. They were not alone
in the world. While He couldn't find an answer that
satisfied Him and eased His soul, those people were at ease.
He devoted a large part of His studies and life to find an
answer. He had the feeling that a long time ago He had the
key. Losing it was a part of the life He drove to keep
hidden and buried. It was painful then and it didn't really
change during the years.

Now a young man was on His way to His high school reunion.
His body was leisurely placed in a first class seat. He was
treated like a king. He once thought that money was
everything. One would think so, until one knew what was
really needed. Money was abundant in His present life.
Happiness was not. Now, at last, He woke up to His folly.
His money never helped Him find what He was looking for -
life. He knew that something was missing. Unfortunately, He
stopped looking long ago.
"Sir, we'll be landing soon. Would you like something to
drink?" a passing stewardess asked. Her smile was so fake,
that He could hardly smile back. He shook His head and she
left. He could never stand it. He looked at her, drawing
away, with contempt. He dreaded such people. You never knew
what to expect from them.
He shrugged and passed His hand through His long blond hair
trying to soothe His headache. He tended to do that when the
pain was just beginning to pulse in His head. Doing that He
smiled. He acquired the habit a long time ago when He was a
little boy. He used to do that each time He was troubled or
thought hard.
He felt the plane touch the ground. He was relieved. The
6-hour flight was exhausting. His body wasn't fatigued. His
mind was. The call He had gotten two weeks ago was like a
key to a Pandora box. Well, rather a crowbar than a key.
Memories He thought were gone started to sprout in His
mind.
His first reaction was shock. He emptied His mind. He didn't
think that anything could shake Him up as this did. After a
while He realized that He should refuse. Thinking it over
made His mind even more set. The morning after, He decided
to go. He said to himself that the box was already open -
there was nothing else to lose.
He looked around. Almost everyone had already left the
plane. He picked up his attaché-case and got up. He
stepped out of the plane. Timidly at first and then
increasingly with boldness, He filled His lungs with the
fresh air. He looked at the sun reflecting in the water all
around Him. His mood lightened.
He always marveled at nature. He liked the sun and the air.
Although He grew up in them, cities were strange to His
nature. He never liked too much order. He felt that living
in a city was like living in a box. He could spend hours
sitting on some deserted hill overlooking a forest or a
lake, but never could stand city-life for a long time. Now,
He felt the chilling air pierce every fiber in His body. He
trembled and shivered. His body was filling up with life.
With a smile, He left the airport. It was all the same: the
people, the air, the mood, a feeling of life in the air. A
remarkable sensation overwhelmed Him - home.
In the taxi He gave the driver the note with the name of the
hotel and relaxed on the back seat.

The man sitting in the back seat was grinning. He seemed
pleased with something. He had an aura of life around Him.
That lasted until they entered the city. His grin transmuted
into a grim sad smile and then disappeared completely.
Memories entered His mind. They got hold of His naked self.
He was content with coming. However, memories, which were
long forgotten, began troubling Him.
With a blank face He arrived at the hotel. The door opened
and He began to get up.
If one could see His eyes then and there, He would see two
black specks. Suddenly one would see the black specks grow
with an air of agony in them.
He staggered and almost fell. He pressed His hands to His
temples. He didn't know what had happened. A memory!!!.
Something stirred His mind. He couldn't deal with it. He
shuddered.
He gave His small valise to the porter and went straight to
His room. He had a monstrous headache. A premonition for the
rest of His stay.
He took off his clothes and shoes. The room looked foreign
and distant. His head began to spin and He fell on the bed.
He closed His eyes and lay there for a few minutes. Finally,
He got up and went into the bathroom to take a long, cold
shower.
As a treatment for headaches, He preferred coffee, or a cold
shower when that didn't help. When He finished, He felt
considerably better. He looked at His watch and remembered
that He didn't know the local time. He was supposed to phone
His friend at 9 o'clock. He picked up the phone and got the
local time from the operator. It was nearly nine so He
decided to phone His friend. He picked up the receiver and a
flood of images appeared in His mind. Memories of John, they
were. They had wonderful times together. He never could
imagine His teen years without him. They were really good
friends who relied many a time on one another. They
supported each other during hard times and were
inseparable.
It had been only when they graduated that they both
understood they had nothing else left to hold them together.
Their ways parted when He left the country to live abroad.
The never did keep in touch although each knew where the
other was.
"Hello?" a woman's voice answered.
He was astounded. He never thought John would get married.
He felt a pang of jealousy, but it quickly died. Only the
joy was left. A friendly voice was surprisingly refreshing.
"Hello. May I please speak with John?" His voice sounded
very relaxed. It was only a façade. He was trembling
inwardly. He knew that this was another pace He would make
toward the inevitable.
"Sure! Just a minute," the receiver on the other side was
put on the table and after a minute a brisk voice came on
the line: "Hello! Whom am I speaking to?"
"It's me!"
A cry came from the receiver. "Am I happy to hear you! When
did you get back? Where are you?"
"Hold on! Not so fast! Let's meet. How about the regular
place in half an hour?"
"Wonderful!"
The line went dead. He felt relieved. He was going to see
His friend. The only one who really did understand Him. Yet,
He was perplexed more than joyous. He didn't know where this
would lead. He grew very cautious over the years. Since He
was 18 a lot had changed. He looked young but had the
fatigued mind of an elderly man. He never knew how He would
react to this meeting. At home He often thought about it but
He could never guess. He was afraid of the memories. He grew
afraid. Nevertheless, He knew He had to go.
A part of Him told him to go, to see His friend, to have
fun, yet another part told Him to go back home, to leave and
to forget about it. Yet, He knew that running away would
solve nothing. He ran away 10 years ago and never found
peace.

"Hi there! Long time no see," She said.
He stared...
To describe what He saw seems hardly possible. He felt His
heart racing and His palms sweat. He froze and looked. The
flowing black braids of hair encircled the contours of Her
delicate cheeks, brilliant in their glow. Her brows had the
charm and perfection of Aphrodite, and beneath them there
laid a wonder - a lake in which life could be seen. Waters
of endless beauty. Pearls of wisdom and eternity. Diamonds
of life and love. A white blooming flower distantly reminded
you of Her nose. Two perfect buds from the Garden of Eden
formed Her delicate and gentle ears. Through Her smiling
lips glittered jewels. Her waist and breasts were like the
Goby Desert dunes. Her speech flowed like the Nile. It
soothed and fed millions. Her gaze was a blessing.
He couldn't think of nothing else. She drew near and spoke.
He was stupefied.
She smiled. He shuddered and awoke. Less than a second
passed, nevertheless He knew He would cherish the moment. It
was magical.
He blinked. Blinked again and then finally awoke.
"Excuse me. I didn't get that."
"I just pointed out that we haven't seen each other for a
long time."
"Ohh, we do have a lot of catching up to do. Let's go out to
the garden. It's hot in here."
"OK"
She turned to go. He stayed standing with a blank look in
his eyes. He thought. Something crept in His mind. A
memory.
"Are you coming?"
He lifted His head and with a new surge of energy followed
Her.

Day II
He opened His eyes. It was hard. Never did His dreams seem
so alive and lifelike. Why did He have to wake up? He
remembered last night... and Her. A smile appeared on His
sleepy face when He got up remembering the day before.
He remembered the conversation with John. When He first saw
Him, He was astonished to see His friend unchanged. 10 years
seemed to fly by and nothing had changed. Every minute that
passed made His spirit more and more alighted - He felt
alive again. His melancholy seemed to disappear. His low
self-confidence from years back began to fade.
He glanced inside of Himself to try and remember His high
school years... maybe the Memory will appear. It was time to
face it.
He discovered His long lost low self-confidence. Strangely,
He felt that it was a part of His past and not of His
present. For 10 years a thought of this kind hadn't entered
His mind. Yet, getting the phone call had aroused long
buried memories in Him.
When He saw John, He felt those sensations wane. They talked
about life, past and present. They reminisced and laughed.
The 10 years seemed really to fade away. The meeting made
Him feel young and alive again. He opened up and experienced
a new sensation of relaxation. He heard stories of His old
classmates and a burning desire appeared in Him to see them
again. Strange... He never expected this to happen. He
hadn't hoped to find ease with His returning. He reckoned
that He was finally ready to face them. The memories no
longer scared Him. He felt prepared to take the glove thrown
at Him long ago by His self.
This continued for a while, till He thought of Her.
He never dreamed that seeing Her would have such an affect
on Him. He recalled His past infatuation for Her. The
sensations He felt 10 years ago swept over Him, engulfing
His heart with a feeling He thought long gone forever.
His high-school years had passed without Him ever
approaching Her. His low self-esteem had prevented Him from
doing so. His feelings had been deeply hidden. Nobody had
really known how He truly felt. John had known little but
could not always understand Him. These feelings, He had
refrained from facing, out of fear for His own sanity. He
never could gather enough courage to express them. This had
made Him miserable. Seeing Her again last night revived all
those lost feelings.
Suddenly He lost balance and almost fell. A cloud passed in
His mind. He knew that these thoughts triggered something in
Him. The Memory might appear again.
He sat down and relaxed.

The reunion was set to take place in three days. The
invitation said it would be a masquerade. He didn't like
that part. Ever since his childhood years He abstained from
dressing up. He didn't know why. People who knew Him might
have said that He didn't like to wear a mask, neither real
nor unreal.
Ironically, He felt somewhat naked at these banquets. He
felt that the mask was really uncovering His inner self.
Wearing a mask, He had to play a part. The part He played
always seemed to unravel his soul. While He avoided wearing
a mask, He never let His inner feelings show. He was
ashamed. He had an illusion, whether it was ill founded or
not, that his feelings might only hurt Him. He never seemed
to get the idea of opening up - His life passed in a bubbly
way. His emotions were always left hidden deep within, His
only way of releasing tension and letting a hint of those
emotions show, was through His work.
He was never ashamed or perplexed about unearthing His
emotions while He worked. The desire to express Himself was
untamable.
Yet now, with the approaching masquerade, His fears surged
again. He found Himself trying to think of a good reason to
go. He had many against doing so.

Remembering last night, He smiled and got up from His bed.
After a quick shower, He felt His day could start. First he
was planning to go to His friend's house and then to visit
His old neighborhood.
He felt alive. Never did he feel such readiness to embrace
life as he did now.

The door opened slowly. A tired, shaggy, dirty young man
came in. He had trouble standing. His breath had the
unmistakable odor of bear. He staggered and fell. After a
few moments He got up and crawled toward his bed. He lifted
the counterpane and without undressing lay down.
Thoughts raced through His mind. Thoughts unquestionably
sober. Life began to take on a shape. His state of mind was
no longer indifferent. He cared about Himself. And for the
first time in many years He felt life. The alcohol only
wearied His body. His mind was as alive as ever. His
thoughts wandered and He fell slowly asleep.

Day III
If you could see His room alighted with the rays of the
rising sun, you could see. A living man, not like all those
ghastly figures you see everywhere nowadays. His godlike
features would have been engraved in you mind. His majestic
smile would always remain your ideal of happiness.
A gust of wind enters the room. One of the window drapes is
slightly stirred. A barrier is removed. The sun sends one of
its messengers to awaken a sleeper. Little fluffs of dust
are alighted. Peace is here.
The ray gently touches His eyelash. It quivers and begins to
rise. The gates of truth are opened. In His green, catlike
eyes you see something surprising - peace. You seem to be
enveloped in this revelation. Never have you seen such a
magnanimous soul. You face the light.
He slowly turns His head from side to side. A little glint
appears in His eyes when He realizes how He had slept. He
slowly moves His arm to support His body. He moves His leg
and drops it to the floor.
If you have ever experienced total peace of mind only then
can you truly appreciate His state of mind. Not a thought
enters His mind. He prefers to leave His mind empty out of
fear of destroying what had already been built.
A shower might be refreshing, apparently he decides.

"Operator? Good morning! Could I please get a listing of a
phone number?" His bass vibrates through the phone lines.
The operator gives Him Her number, which He writes down.
"Thank you! And please, could I please have a cup of coffee
and a croissant?"
The receiver still in His shaky hand, He dials the number
written on the piece of paper. A heavenly voice answers. A
divine 'hello' comes through the phone lines. For a moment
there, He is speechless.
"Hello?" She utters again.
His hearts pounds. He cannot relieve himself from the
thought that this is a mistake. Finally He decides that for
once he should take a chance.
"See you at eight then," after a brief dialogue, She says.

The evening breeze carried a light chill from the north. The
sound of waves hitting the shore below was deafening. The
moon was not visible, yet the stars' shine was enough to
alight the sky. The place where He was standing wasn't
frequented by a lot of people, but He remembered this place
very well - the din of the waves always had the effect of
deafening His troubling thoughts. He wanted to open a new
era in His life and visit that place again for the last
time.
He remembered the magic of the last three days, which was
only intensified by Her. An innocent smile appeared on his
face. He couldn't believe His luck. Ten years ago, He could
only dream of a moment such as this happening.
Suddenly a gust of wind came from behind bearing a scent.
The scent that He had dreamt of. The scent that meant the
world to Him, which intoxicated Him. He feared to turn his
head. He thought that if He did, the scent would disappear
and He would wake up. The sound of steps came to His ears.
They were getting closer. He closed his eyes and opening
them He saw Her to His right.
"Hi," Her voice echoed in His ears. He blinked and smiled
nodding.
"Look at the sea, don't you find it remarkable?" He
whispered, trying not to ruin the magic.
Slowly turning Her head, She looked at the sea and at His
face. It was bright and His eyes twinkled. She marveled at
Him. She really did always like Him. Never did He try to
approach Her. She was sorry for that. Looking at Him now
lifted her spirits. Only now did She realize the depth of
His soul and mind. His eyes told Her everything She needed
to know.
She remembered Her past impressions. She always had the idea
of Him being indecisive. She never liked that in a man. His
lack of self-confidence didn't contribute to His image.
However, looking at His eyes now, She saw His real self. A
man who made peace with Himself - who is finally a complete
human being. She stared at His face and His smile.
It might have been love.
He turned His head towards Her and perceiving Her gaze
flushed. She smiled and gradually He regained His
self-control. She didn't seem so unattainable now.

Day IV
He looked at the rising sun. Standing where He stood the
other night, He felt ecstatic. They had spent the evening
together and without saying a thing, they felt that
everything has been said. He could still see Her with His
mind's eyes. She was glamorous.
He hadn't slept for 32 hours, yet He felt no fatigue. He had
been standing there for a long time now. All this time
smiling. There was nothing false about that smile. It was
real, like everything about Him these days.
The masquerade was set for the next day. He didn't resist
the thought of coming anymore. The idea of seeing Her
overwhelmed Him and made everything else seem insignificant.
He glanced at His watch and realized that if He didn't want
to be late, He'd better get back to the hotel.
He sent a final glance at the sea and set towards the
hotel.

At 10 o'clock He was sitting in a quiet little Café.
He was trying to read the morning paper but failed to
concentrate. His thoughts couldn't stay focused on one thing
for more than a moment. His mind wandered. He lifted the cup
of coffee from the table and sipped. There was nothing left.
He giggled nervously. He didn't realize that She would have
this kind of effect on Him.
He heard the door open. For the twentieth time since His
sitting down he glanced at the door.
There She was. Clad in a black dress. Her hair was simply
done. Makeup was almost invisible on that godlike
complexion. Nothing He had ever seen could take His breath
away like Her smile. His heart missed a beat when She
spotted Him and approached.
They talked about the weather, about the past, and a bit of
the future. Yet nothing of what they wanted to say was
uttered.

The door opened. He entered and turned on the light switch.
He took of his clothes and shoes. A quick shower and
straight to bed - a long day tomorrow.
He covered himself and immediately fell asleep.

He lifted His head............... Snow???
Everything He could see was covered with snow. A wide white
plateau. Silence pierced His ears. Not a sound. He looked at
Himself and saw a naked body. Strange... He felt no cold. On
the contrary, it was hot. He was sweating. He continued to
stand till the heat was no longer bearable. He crouched and
touched the snow. It was cold. He started to dig and soon
had made a hole big enough to hold Him. He lied down and
covered himself.
Suddenly the snow around him started to melt. It grew hotter
by the minute. Soon He was having trouble to breathe. He
looked around in despair for help. He saw Her figure looming
in the horizon. He reached for Her choking. She laughed. His
arm twitched and quivered but finally faltered and fell
lifelessly.

Day V
Darkness faded. The evil and fear were slowly disappearing.
His eyelids slowly opened. Getting up, He remembered nothing
of His dream. He set down and yawned. He slowly trod upon
the carpet towards the windows and looked through. The view
was astonishing. The sun has just come up and the world was
waking up. He stayed that way for a while. Finally He turned
and went to the bathroom.
His day was planned - He was to get ready quickly and hurry
to the shop to pick out a costume.

They walked along the shore talking about this and that,
when suddenly their eyes met. If anyone could see them, he
might have mistaken them for a magnificent piece of art. The
glint in Her eyes and the Sparkle in His said it all. Their
souls reached towards each other.
Thunder struck. They blinked and flushed. Each started to
say something. A smile appeared on their faces. "What about
lunch?" He offered.
They had a great time. Lunch was wonderful. She smiled all
along. He could not help feeling that a spell was over Him.
A spell He had never before experienced. The spell of love
could overwhelm anyone.
Most of the time He listened and followed Her movements.
Each time a lock of Her black hair loosened and She would
lift Her slender hand to put it back in its place, He
flushed. No movement She made was lost from His gaze. It was
being engraved in His memory.
"What are you coming as?" She asked.
"To the masquerade?"
"Sure."
"I haven't thought of it yet. I guess I'll come as I am," He
shrugged.
"You can't. We'll go and get you something."
"What? Now?" He exclaimed.
"Let's go," She said getting up.
They didn't look for long. The first store they entered had
what they wanted. He agreed to the first costume She
offered. He didn't care what to wear. She smiled at his
carelessness and laughed. He flushed but said nothing.

So now He had to stop at the shop to pick up the costume,
and get ready for the evening. His mind felt like that of a
lost miner, who had found the light at the end of the
tunnel. Every step he took now seemed to be right. Second
thoughts didn't enter His mind.
He got dressed and went downstairs. The wind was western and
brought the smell of sea with it. He filled His lungs with
the smell that reminded Him of life.
He ordered a cup of coffee at a nearby café.
Finishing it He got up and started walking towards the store
where He had to pick up the costume. He didn't hurry. He
ambled, lingering at the shore. He leaned against the rail
and sought for calmness in the din of the waves.
His thoughts carried Him afar. Memories of His childhood
flooded His mind. The first girl He liked came to His mind.
He laughed remembering that eight-year-old self. The smile
on His lips waned when He remembered something else.
He remembered somebody. A girl. She began to take shape in
His mind and soon He could recognize her. The memory died in
His mind long ago. He didn't want to remember it. Even now,
remembering, His heart ached. He brought to mind the
experience. It was hard. He didn't dare face it for 10
years.

He was in love. For the first time in His life the feeling
sprouted in His heart. She made Him experience the greatest
feeling life hold. Hid feeling grew to such levels where He
could no longer contain it. He had to face her and He did.
When she heard her face lit up. He mistook it then for love,
later He realized it was something else.
She encouraged Him. He kept thinking that she felt something
too. Deep down he knew it was not so, yet He didn't give up.
She led Him to believe that He was loved. That feeling was
new to Him, so He clung to it. He deceived Himself for
months, but finally He realized that she didn't love Him. He
decided to confront her.
He was right. Now he understood what her lit face meant. She
was glad, and proud of herself. He was heart broken for a
long time. He couldn't believe it at first. He remembered
all the smiles she gave Him - her loving looks. He could
hardly imagine that all that was merely an illusion. He
couldn't have imagined it all......... Could He?

Could He? The thought haunted Him even now. That memory
was behind thick walls in His mind. What broke the wall?
Could it be that history was repeating itself?
Could He? The question sprang up in His mind again. He
remembered Her. Her smiles. Her face appeared before His
mind's eyes. Could He?
Why should She feel anything for Him? What made Her feel?
Did She really feel?
Could He? The question appeared again. Unexpectedly an
answer followed - Yes.
Turning back He looked sorrowfully at the sea. He headed for
the hotel.
The air didn't seem as nice as it did before.