It all began the day the King's royal cat escaped the dog
pound.
It actually could've been a very nice morning had it not
been for the queen's Ebola getting worse, the main Mistress
discovering new things about her sexual preferences, the
King's father being hospitalized for discovering a whole new
self (and having philosophical discussions and pool games
with it) and... Oh yes, the cat.
"Ardless!!!" Cried the King calling to his Captain of Guards
and Personal Shoe Polisher, "Captain Ardless, report to the
main throne immediately!"
"Coming, sire!" And with that an overgrown man with a
terrifying mass of muscles, a malicious looking sword and a
state of the art shoe brush entered the room.
"Reg, old friend, it is awful! My mice detector has
escaped!"
"Oh your highness that is awful! Don't you have a
replacement? At least a temporary one before me and my men
can find the missing one?"
"No! All I have left is the Mouse Destroyer... and by the
way it needs more oil, thanks for reminding me"
"Ah yes, how is the old piece of junk doing? Surely not as
good as the day you bought it from the false prophet..."
(Captain Reg Ardless was previously the king's Mouse
Destroyer until the ill-favored-looking man arrived at the
kingdom and began crying and shouting things about the end
of the world coming, the monsters of hell breaking through,
the mutiny up in heaven and the new machine his father has
invented which destroys mice... the King couldn't resist
himself, and thus Reg Ardless was demoted).
"He's doing fine, thank you very much, only that now he
can't do his job because his brain-molested partner bailed
on us!")
As opposing to the mice detector, who had been raised in
such a way so as to be able to spot large concentrations of
mice, the Mouse Destroyer could only destroy one mouse at a
time, making the job slower but just as thorough and
efficient).
"My liege!" Said Captain Ardless in a much authorized voice
very much unlike his usual sad babble, "I shall return your
mice detector by my life or death!"
"Oh quit being so dramatic, it's only a goddamn cat..."Said
the king while wearing his tired expression (after it has
been thoroughly polished to clean the night stains), and
went to discuss the matter with the Senate so that he could
get the army to search for the missing minion. 6 months
later the Senate has finally reached a decision. After a
long discussion which took most of the night, the King was
notified that the Senate found him guilty in purchasing
non-kosher soy beans with the Tax Payer's money, thought
that there is an immediate need to upgrade all CPUs in the
Royal Sex Shop to Windows XP (in order to download the
latest peeping program and for a better and easier windows
experienced empowered by the finest bla bla bla...) and
authorized the operation to find the mice-locator.
The king protested. "I told you it's a mice detector! The
mouse locater is the older version, and is currently lying
dead in the Royal Graveyard!"
"I'm sorry, your majesty, but the council's decision is
final!"
"What on earth do you mean?! This is not a democracy, I'm
still the King!"
"Oh shit, you're right... Well in that case, mice detective
it is!"
"DETECTOR! I swear to god I'll have your guts wrapped around
your neck until you choke to death, the painful way!"
"My god, you are a petty one!"

By the next day, Captain Reg Ardless has finished polishing
the King's early in the morning, and by the time breakfast
was served he was already on his way to call out his first
companion, the kingdom's Healer, who was very known and
famous for her healing skills. It was a common belief that
there hasn't yet been a disease and illness she couldn't
find a cure for.
The Kingdom's healer was a tall very attractive woman
(except for the not too flattering bald patch that covered
most of her hair, as a result of the latest successful
chemotherapy) with blue hair and a nipple ring.
Captain Ardless's visit caught her a little by surprise, for
she was trying to cure a man's impotency.
So she put her cloths on, gave the man a discount for their
next meeting and sat down to talk to the Captain.
"Deva, my old friend" he began, "I have come here to ask you
to join me on a top secret mission..."
"Finding the king's cat?"
"Shhhh, damn you! And it's mice detector!"
"Whatever...Where do we start?"
"At the closest McDonald's, I'm starved!"

By noon Captain Ardless presented his companions to the
king.
Miss Deva Stator, the Healer, Reverend O. Praise-The-Lord,
the Satanic Priest, Mr. Ronald McDonald (whom they've picked
up during breakfast), and a group of the kingdom's finest
Delta Warriors.
"Your Royal Highness!" Announced Delta 10, "We will be ready
to leave within three quarters of a minute!"
"I don't care if you'll be ready, will you leave?!"
"Yes sir!"
"Good..."
Ronald McDonald stood there looking extremely happy and
stupid.

And so they were off.
O. Praise-The-Lord kept falling on his black robe and
summoning demons to violate the stupid cat that made him
leave his little church.
"Quit complaining, or I'll tell your cult you like to watch
porn films involving the pope!". Captain Ardless always had
a charming attitude with his soldiers...
They kept walking in the path, when all of a sudden Miss
Stator stopped.
"What ever is the matter, Deva dear?" Asked her Captain
Ardless
"Reg, honey... Remember that time when I healed your brain?
I think I've done a lousy job!"
"Why is that?!"
"Because we have no idea where the bloody cat, therefore no
idea where the hell we're supposed to go!"
"Oh, fuck Jesus Christ!" Whispered reverend Praise-the-Lord
drew a cross on the ground and stepped on it.
"Humph...I did not think of that..." said the Captain,
"Delta Force! We're returning to the palace!"
"Sir yes sir, did we win sir?"
"No, soldier!"
"Oh hell sir, this is terrible, how many casualties?"
"We did not lose either, soldier"
"Then what's going on sir, Captain Ardless sir?"
With that Miss Stator lost her patience and healed the
soldier down the mountain.
Ronald McDonald just stood there looking extremely happy and
stupid.
They returned home and were accepted as heroes. The entire
kingdom gathered around, applauded and shouted cheers. The
King's daughter ran to Captain Ardless and gave him the most
passionate kiss you can show on prime-time.
Satan himself came down from the sky and shook reverend
Praise-the-Lord's hand, leaving him a few burns but making
him very happy and even more of a Christ-hater.
Miss Stator, feeling very board, went behind the bushes and
healed the entire Delta Force. Twice.
Ronald McDonald stood there looking very happy and stupid.

When they reached the King, they were shocked to find him
stroking a cat. Every once in a while the cat would shriek,
jump down in terror and return with the Mouse-Destroyer
holding a dead mouse.
"O, if it isn't my very dear Captain Reg Ardless!"
"Regardless to what?" Wondered the captain,
"No stupid that's your name..." Whispered Deva
"Oh, that's right. My king, we have returned to question you
about the whereabouts of your mice-detector all that we need
to. Deva Stator!"
"Where?!" Cried the reverend in terror.
"I was referring to her, silly old man...Deva my dear, will
you please cure the King from his Amnesia?"
"I was wondering why you insisted on going to this bogus
trip instead of just curing him!"
"Because, my dear Deva...What sounds better to you? Captain
Reg Ardless, or General Regardless?"
"Actually they both sound pretty dumb..."
"Why miss Stator, that is not the kind of talking I would've
assumed to hear from his Highness' personal doctor!"
"Oh! I understand what you mean now, General!"
And they both began laughing.
"Reg! What is so funny?" wondered the King, "And beside,
what are you all doing here?"
"Well... Waiting for our royal promotions, of-course!"
"Oh... Well, you have them...and tell the priest to report
to my confession box the second he can"
"My lord... Devil worshipers don't need to confess!"
"Oh, is that so? Beautiful! Saves some precious time!
Now...where are those shoes of mine... hummm... I was sure I
had them right here!"
And with that, General Regardless knew that soon enough
he'll be the main General of the Army, the second in command
in the palace and the King's personal shoe finder. He never
could understand how the king was able to forget things like
"shoes are on my feet", "nose is on my face", "cat's in the
cradle" and so on. But where you may profit, profit! A
neurotic kingdom could always use a demented king!
So the gang began looking for the King's shoes, trying not
to laugh too loudly.
Deva Stator kept wondering about the new clinic she'll open
pretty soon (where she'll be able to hold her secret
Anarchist Movement's meetings), O. Praise-the-Lord wondered
about a whole Kingdom dedicated to the Prince of Darkness,
and Ronald McDonald was not even there, he was never there,
he's not real, idiots...