My Darling,
I'm writing this letter to you, in the darkness. The light
of the candle is going to fade soon. Only the lightning, in
the far horizons, are providing me a little light from time
to time.
How long is a day in the dark, or a week?
I think that my body can't go on anymore. I thought that I
became ill, because of you, because you-left me, like a
wounded bird...Am I mean nothing to you anymore?
I can still remember the first time I saw you.
It was in this cocktail party of your wife's-Isn't it?
They've serve there this bad south-African sherry, though I
loved it.
You were on the other side of the room, smiling. I think you
were drunk. I remember that the first thing I noticed about
you, were those eyes...Those blue-green eyes of yours. Your
bow tie seems so funny to me. You looked like a little boy,
like a little boy we could have.
When your wife introduced us, you suddenly became sober.
It's so strange, isn't it? I wanted you inside me, in the
moment you shake my hand...
"Hello, how do you do miss? I'm Nathaniel"
Your hand was so smooth & soft...like your whole body...I
could feel the warmth of your body, seeping into mine. It's
like we exchanged our body liquids in that right moment.

"I've never loved a woman, as I love you...Sarah...don't
go...please...I want you to know...I'm not missing you yet"
"You will, Nathan, you will..."

I remember now where we made love, for the first time.
It was in the attic, in your house. One of the stairs was
squeaking.
"Nathan...she could hear us", I said.
"She's not home at the moment...and anyway...I don't
care...", and you slide your hand under my dress.  
We made love. I moaned, and right in this moment-she came
in.
"Nathaniel? Are you home?"
You whispered: "Don't worry...she don't familiar with this
kind of voices".
Do you make love with her in the same way we did? In the
same places? Positions? Is she satisfying you in the same
extent as I did?

So yes, I'm a bitch & a phony, but I still love you.
I don't believe in the "God of love" anymore. My secrets are
going with me-to my cold & lonely grave. I can't keep my
promise of not seeing you anymore, because I feel dead
inside, and my life don't worth a bloody thing if you not
beside me.
"I'll rather be dead than see you with another man", you
said. Well...now I'm with another man...it's the man you
hate to most. The man you despise so much. God -is my man,
my master from now on.

Please, dearest Nathan...don't you cry over me. It's what I
deserve-to die, with all this hatred & bitterness in my
heart.  

We die, slowly. We die rich of secrets & promises that we
couldn't keep. We die, in bodies we have entered & swum up
in them like rivers, fears we've hidden in like this grave
I'm going to be buried in.

I know that you will come back for me, as you promised, and
carry me to our out-side garden we used to have near the
sea.

The candle burned out, and I'm writing to you, in the
darkness...

If there is any god out there, I'll ask from him to bless
you, my dear.