Never has she feared death. She was merely 25 when this
happened. It was all by chance. A truck carrying toxic waste
to a toxin dump, slipped on the wet road. Only one barrel of
toxins was opened. Only few grams of the toxin got past the
truck's rear cabin cover. Only few milligrams landed close
to the pavement. If she'd pass there two seconds earlier or
two seconds later, she would be saved. But no. A chance of
one in a quadrillion has caught her. Few drops of the slimy
green ooze sprayed over her face. She was in the middle of
breathing. Funny, the ooze didn't burn her face like acid.
It didn't smell bad. It even tasted like a really spicy Kari
chicken. But then again - everything tastes like chicken
nowadays. Of course, she spat out immediately. She drew a
handkerchief from her pocket, cleaned her face and continued
to walk.
"I... Ummm... have some bad news for you!" the doctor was
red as if he had to admit committing a murder. "What is it,
doctor?" she asked him, feeling weird sensation of
carefulness. "The... symptoms you were suffering in the past
three months are... caused of a rare kind of leukemia". "So
it's not flu?" she asked, before realizing what he said. The
doctor saw it before. It's the known Denial symptom that
comes when really shocking news, death of a close person for
example, strike you out of the blue. It's merely a way of
defending insanity against the immense shock. As her pale
green eyes suddenly widened, he nodded. "This kind of
Leukemia is so rare, that it is found in approximately one
of every ten million people". She was a rational woman, as
her next question indicated. "What are my odds?" she asked.
Like most doctors, this one didn't like to give out more bad
news. But he had no other way. "This kind of Leukemia has no
treatment," said he. "But..." she couldn't bring the
question out of her mouth. Rage filled her. She didn't want
to die. Not so young. It was unfair for her! She was meant
to die at the age of 90. She wanted to die in bed, go to
sleep and never wake up again. It was unfair!
Life is unfair, so would every adult tell you. She, who
never feared death, knew it too. But she didn't want to go
down without a fight. She met several of the country's best
doctors, she went from one to the other, and she even took a
plane to England, to meet an expert. They all said the same:
"There's no hope!" Her time was running short. Finally, weak
to exhaustion, she was committed into a hospital. Hopeless,
desperate and angry, she laid in bed. It was in the first
night when the knight came. She woke up to the sound of a
soft whisper. "Tillia," whispered a figure dressed in an
armor suite, the kind you find in museums. She noticed he
had a sword in his hands. "Tillia," he whispered again, "are
you awake?" "Yes," she managed to whisper. "It's me, Angel,
the knight who guards you". "Knight? Guards me?" she asked.
"Aye, Tillia, if you'd allow me to". Who was he? She looked
at his face. He couldn't possibly be older than her. She
didn't know him. "Can you guard me against the cancer?" she
asked. "Nay, Tillia. I cannot. I can guard you against some
of its symptoms. But I cannot save you," Angel's voice was
full of sadness. "What good are you then?" she asked. "I can
ease your last voyage, Tillia," said Angel. "Who are you?"
she asked. "I am Angel, a knight from days long gone" he
answered. That didn't suffice her. "What days? How long
gone?"."The days when magic was a true fact. I was granted
knighthood by king Richard Lion Heart himself," Answered
Angel. "If you were granted knighthood by a king that is
dead for centuries, then how do you still live?" she asked.
"I was sent," he answered, "by the one in the heavens". "So
you are an angel?" she asked. "Aye, but I'm fond of what I
did when I was alive. I'm rather more a knight than an
angel," Angel smiled. "Did you have any name when you were
alive?" she asked then. "Aye. I was known as Sir Jay, the
heart of the dragon" his smile was soft, as if remembering
something happened long ago. "Sir Jay Dragon-Heart, what is
it that you want from me?" she then asked. "I want nothing,
dear Tillia. I am at your service," Sir Jay Dragon-Heart,
the knight who became an angel bowed gracefully. "At my
service, Sir Jay?" she asked. "Aye, if you'd allow me to
serve you". "Allow you?" her eyes widened. "I may not force
my service on you," Sir Jay bowed again. "Oh I guess I got
nothing better to do with you," Tillia nodded, "You are
allowed". Sir Jay knelt, put his sword between his hands,
bended his head, and said, "I vow to serve thee, Lady
Tillia, from now till the end of days". "Thank you Sir Jay,
I accept thy service," in past years Tillia has read one or
two books with knights in them, "I dub thee my Knight!"
"Dear Tillia, it is my time to go back now. I shall return,
my lady," Sir Jay bowed ever more gracefully. "Go in peace,
Sir Jay," Tillia whispered. "Sleep well, Lady Tillia," Sir
Jay's soft voice had a patting tone when he left.
Tillia woke up the next morning, smiling for the first time
in weeks. When the nurse came in, she asked about the
visitor. "What visitor, ma'am? There was no one here in the
night. We don't allow visitors". Tillia wondered, "Was it
all a dream?" Nevertheless, she told her about Sir Jay. "You
were dreaming ma'am. Just a dream" said the nurse. "Yeah,"
sighed Tillia, "just a dream. But it seemed so real. And he
was so kind, so gentle". The nurse just shook her head. "I
will ask the night nurse if she saw anyone" she said when
she exited. When she called Tillia to eat lunch, she told
her that the night nurse saw no one. "If somebody came here,
she would've seen him. Your room is right under her eyes".
The next night, Sir Jay's soft voice woke her. "Lady
Tillia," he bowed, "I have returned". "Am I dreaming?" asked
Tillia. "Nay lady," Sir Jay shook his head softly. "The
nurse said..." she didn't carry on. "The nurses cannot see
me, lady Tillia," Sir Jay nodded towards the light coming
from the half opened door. "Why?" asked Tillia. "The nurses
do not believe we angels do exist," answered Sir Jay. "I
didn't either," said Tillia. "Nay Lady Tillia, you didn't.
But you're different. You're moving away from the land of
life and logic. I was sent here for you," Sir Jay's voice
turned softer with each word. "Why me?" she asked. "You were
chosen," answered Sir Jay. "By whom?" she asked. Sir Jay
just looked towards the ceiling. "How is it like, in
heaven?" she asked then. "I may not say, Lady Tillia," Sir
Jay frowned sadly, "As mortals are not allowed to know until
it is their time". "I see," Tillia wondered if the
angel-knight is really an angel-knight. "I can only say,"
continued Sir Jay, "That the heaven is the way you want it
to be". "The way I want it to be?" she wondered loudly. "Aye
Lady Tillia". "What do you mean by that?" she asked. "It can
be an evergreen garden with fruits as much as you'd like, or
a hunting field with endless buffalos, or a palace. Anything
you'd want it to be, it will be. It will be the place that
makes you happy," Sir Jay bowed. She nodded at him. "Lady
Tillia, I have brought you something" he then said. "You
brought me something?" she asked, "what is it?". Sir Jay
took sent his hand to his belt. He took out a rose, as red
as a ripe strawberry. "It is common," he said while
kneeling, "that a knight brings his lady a rose when he
comes back from a journey". His hand moved up as his head
bent. "Thank you Sir Jay," she blushed, "no one ever brought
me flowers". "Nay Lady. I have brought you one now," Sir
Jay's voice patted her softly as she took the rose. "I shall
keep it with me forever," she promised. "Aye Lady Tillia.
Shall I bring you more?" he asked. "Please do," she
requested. "I shall bring you them when I return," he
promised. "Thank you, Sir Jay," she smiled. "Nay Lady, it's
but a pleasure to serve," Sir Jay bowed, "now please do not
let your knight keep you awake". Tillia was indeed tired.
"Will you come back soon?" she asked. "Aye Lady Tillia, I
shall," he bowed again and left. Tillia saw him get out of
the door and closing it, but she heard nobody speaks to him.
She fell asleep, still smiling.
She woke up the next morning, wondering if it was all a
dream. No - a red rose was cupped in her hand. The night
nurse saw no one. Who was this angel-knight? Nobody knew.
But he returned the next night too. His hands were filled
with colorful roses. And he returned the next night, and the
night after, and the night after. When Tillia started having
pains so great that painkillers could no longer suffice
them, he brought her something. It was a big leather
canteen. "I am not supposed to bring you this, Lady Tillia,"
he said, "It is a medicine from the past". "From the past?"
she asked, trying not to cry of pains. "Aye lady. It is a
magical potion. When the knights were wounded, they would
drink of the potion, and the pains would go away," he said.
"Really?" she asked. "Aye," he nodded. "There is no such
thing as magic!" she determined. "Nay Lady, there is!" she
heard a click and- his Sword went on fire. It was not
possible! Metal cannot burn! But the sword burned for a
moment and then extinguished. There was no mark of fire on
it. "Magic!" he told her. He handed her the canteen. She
tasted the magic potion. It was sweet. She drank some of it.
Amazingly, her pains were eased. "Hide it," he said, "the
nurses must not find it". "Sure thing," she smiled at him.
He smiled back.
He came back every night. He brought her more of the magic
potion. It was on the seventh week from their first meeting,
when Tillia's life signs started deteriorating rapidly. Her
family was called to be with her on her final hours. And Sir
Jay was there too. He sat near her bed, virtually unnoticed
by her family. His hand patted her hair softly. She looked
at him for one more time. "Will you be there for me?" she
whispered. "Aye Lady, I will be there for you. I am always
at your service, Lady Tillia," he answered. Tillia smiled
her last smile and sank into her final sleep.
Sir Jay Dragon-Heart went out of the room. The nurse noticed
he was crying. "You shouldn't carry on!" she said. "Yes I
should," he answered her. "Why? What do you need this
suffering for?"."To see them smile," he answered. His voice
turned bitter as he said, "she didn't smile!" The nurse knew
he wasn't talking about Tillia. "It'll break you apart!" she
said. "So be it!" he answered. Sir Jay Dragon-Heart was no
angel. He was no knight either. He was merely someone who
lost someone he loved to the evil curse known as cancer. He
was visiting only one patient each time. Only patients with
no hope of recovery. He never asked for anything in return.
His magical sword that burst into flames was an illusion
using simple firecracker powder. His magical potion had no
magical qualities. It was a mere sociobiology trick. If one
believed that something would help him, then that something
would help. He saw his mission as his "holy quest". He tried
to bring ease to those who were dying. He was merely a
person who wanted to help people die compassionately. It was
all he wanted.
And Tillia? She left the world with a smile. Yes, Jay
Dragon-Heart has made her happy, but it wasn't just him who
made her smile. She smiled even when she knew her time is
coming, even when she said 'goodbye'. Because even then, she
has never feared death.
