Yes, yes. Please, do come in. Of course we are open, these
are books we're dealing with - they do not need night-rest,
or even lunch-breaks, ha-ha! We are always open. You were
drawn back by the darkness, you say? No, my dear friend.
This is not a video-games place, we do not need light here.
Dimness is the best for books, you will soon find out. I'll
take your coat, sir. Yes, I know, dim but warm. It's the
books, you see: You never get cold in their presence. Would
you believe there is no heat here? Just the books, my
friend, just the books.
So, you are just in time. I was going to begin now. Of
course there's no one else, what were you thinking? This is
not a mass mind-producing university. This is a book-reading
school. We treat our people individually here. Anyway, it is
nice to see that there are still some pure souls left who do
not think that they were taught to read books in elementary
school. To read, yes, but not to read books.
Ok, shall we start then? Come, stand by me. Here. Pick up
the book. No, don't open it yet. Feel it first. FONDLE it.
Get accustomed to each other. You cannot read a book before
you know each other, can you? Who ever gets married before
knowing his wife?
Smell it now. Yes, this one put on a nice perfume today, I
know. You should get to know your book through all your
senses before you start reading it. In the end of the book
there are a few blank pages. Those are for tasting. Take a
small piece, you're not the only one ever to read this book,
don't forget.
Now, remember. The proper way to read a book is much
different from  other kinds of reading. You should PLAY with
it. YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT LIKE YOU IF YOU WANT TO ENJOY EACH
OTHER. Make it a ball and play around with it, make yourself
a shadow and let it feel you.
While reading, take it as you like - you can sip the words
through a narrow straw, or swallow them in mouth-filled
gulps. Any way will do, depending on you and the book. But
do not forget - never leave the words in plastic capsules,
or they will not be fully digested. Let them melt into you,
penetrate your mind in the right pace for both of you. Then
let them EXPLODE IN YOUR MIND. Words are not good if they do
not EXPLODE. Let your mind EXPLODE in return. Sometimes it's
the book that does all the work - show me a mind that does
not EXPLODE to Poe, and  I'll show you a reading-robot!
Well, I think you are ready to start now. Exciting, I know.
It is always exciting. So now you can sit. No, not on the
bed! NEVER ON THE BED when reading a book. This is not a
sleeping pill. You don't go to the museum and try to fall
asleep in front of Van Gogh, do you? Here, take this couch
with the lamp above it. The candle is not obligatory, but
most people find it helpful. Wait just one more second while
I make the rain fall and the wind howl outside. PERFECT. Now
you can start reading.
Alright, now stop. STOP IT I SAID! Don't be so impatient.
ALWAYS STOP AFTER THE FIRST paragraph. Put it down now, put
it down. Don't forget the book was left alone for some time
now. It needs a while to warm up. So tell me now, what did
the first paragraph tell you?
No, not the plot. That I can read for myself. Oh, you have
still so much to learn. I meant the explosion. What did the
first paragraph DO to you? Where does it hint it will TAKE
you? Yes, that's good, that's good. You are doing very well.
Now finish your drink and then you may continue.

Ok, now STOP. Where are you? Still here on the couch? Not
good. By this time you were not supposed to be here anymore.
Maybe it is not the right book for you after all. You can
not FORCE YOURSELVES upon each other. Never STRUGGLE with a
book. With time, you will learn - some books do not take you
away so soon. You have to go on by yourself for a while
first. Others will lift you so high from the very beginning.
They are the most DANGEROUS ones. Never forget to STOP after
the first paragraph! You MUST RESIST the temptation to go
on.
With experience you will learn to identify books. Then you
might GO BACK to books you first thought they did not fit
you. It's a shame that they do not write this information on
the back cover, so people would know what to expect. But
that's the way they make them, I suppose. We have to learn
how to figure them out for ourselves.
Anyway THAT'S ENOUGH for today. Your next lesson will be
tomorrow, or whenever. You know, books do not operate on a
tight schedule. Next time we will try another one.