"Who am I kidding... It's been over for so long. I guess
I've just been... denying it for awhile, trying my best not
to believe what was happening. Wouldn't you? I always knew
things would get back to the way they were, everything back
to normal, but there's always been this little side of me
that felt a little bit was torn apart each time. It was
killing me from inside. I didn't want to believe it.
"But I mean, how much can a person take? Oh Lord, what was I
thinking?! I've been such a fool and we both knew that, it
wasn't much of a secret that we kept most things inside. It
was easy to tell, you knew yourself didn't you?"
Yeah. I did.
He simply sighed, rubbing his temples out of frustration.
This wasn't going anywhere. He took a sip out of his beer
one more time.
"Sure, everyone has their moments. I admit we both must have
been stressed with work; she was just an easy target for me
to take it out on just as much as I was for her. It just
wasn't working anymore..."
I'd known him for twenty-five years... twenty-five years of
my life. We'd shared our moments together: all these
memories, all this time together. Through thick to thin.
Through failures and falls and through helping each other
when help was needed. Or just a shoulder to cry on... and
throughout all these years, I'd never seen him so miserable.
Actually, I'd never seen neither of us as depressed as in
that night.
At least he had a good reason to be depressed. I knew mine
wasn't reasonable enough.
"So what's next?" He looked at me with his big, deep, hazel
eyes. That same old look of a miserable, lost puppy left out
in the rain, looking for some sympathy. Only this time I
wasn't sure what he was looking for: sympathy, a way out or
just some sense. Like I really cared, anyway. I was there to
do what's best to make it right. But... what's next?
I don't know.
He shrugged his shoulders, then let his body slump freely in
his chair. "You know, I can't even remember what this fight
was all about. I wasn't even paying attention, neither of us
actually. We were too busy making this problem a big mess
that isn't even worth to be cleaned after now. After all
these years... all this time... I can't just let it all go
to waste! We have so much to lose, so much to work on..." He
offered me a cigarette.
No, thanks.
"I have this eerie feeling that I missed something. Like, a
scene was cut out of the whole thing, you know? It feels
like something was missing, it ended so fast I didn't even
manage to squeeze one word I actually had in mind. It all
happened in such a rush I can barely remember everything,
only the simple things. The way she told me she didn't love
me anymore, all the things she said about living with
someone she couldn't even relate to... it hurt me. It hurt
me deep."
He suddenly looked a lot older that moment. His eyes were
drowned in such deep sorrow they looked so empty. There was
no sign of the usual spark in them, the way they used to
dance whenever he would look at you. It was simply
impossible not to love that person - so full of happiness,
so full of life. So caring and considerate, placing everyone
he cared about a few steps ahead of him. Now this was my
turn to do the same... I wasn't doing a very good job at it
though.
What was left of his bright, golden hair looked gray and
dry... he looked sick. His pale, wan features showed no
emotions as he stared blankly into space.
He looked awful. He did. I couldn't judge him though; love
was a pretty dangerous game. You get burnt too easily, way
too easily. I was the one to know.
"What do you think?" He looked at me with pleading eyes.
"Tell me I'm doing the right thing here."
Me? What I think? Who cares what I think. Nobody seemed to
think I was any part of his marriage life. I really wasn't,
it was just hard enough to decide whether to take part in it
or not. This was wrong. So wrong... too painful.
The pub had closed down hours earlier, that time of the
night was for those who had no home to go to, just looking
for a place to drown their sorrows in. Have a drink, a kick
in the head, who cares? One of those dodgy dives in Los
Angeles - God knows how we got there, of all places.
I loved that man. I really did. I cared for him. I worshiped
him, I admired him. It was killing me, seeing him like that,
he was like my own brother, my next of kin.
What could I possibly do?
I tried my best to smile and put my hand on the top of his,
giving it a light squeeze. I am here for you, pal. It's all
going to be alright. Trust me on this one.
It's all going to be alright.
"I don't know what to do next," he admitted, whispering. He
put his hand on the top of his balding head with a sigh. "It
feels so empty inside... I'm lost," he looked at me
hopefully. You know I'm here for you. Don't worry... it's
all going to be alright.
Shakily, he rose up from his seat but before he could
stumble down I slid my arms around him. Easy there, pal!
I let him sob into my shoulder, wishing I'd never had to see
him that way. "I feel so lonely, so useless..." he barely
managed to chock out."I didn't have a clue it was going to
end that way, so fast..."
I know you didn't. Wish I could do something to help you. I
love you, pal, but it's hurting me to see you that way. He
gave me a weak, reassuring smile as he clung into me,
holding me for dear life. "Thank you," he whispered through
his tears. "Thank you. I don't know what I'd do without
you."
No problem, pal.
That's what good friends are for.
|
המציאות הנו מקרי בהחלט. אין צוות האתר ו/או
הנהלת האתר אחראים לנזק, אבדן, אי נוחות, עגמת
נפש וכיו''ב תוצאות, ישירות או עקיפות, שייגרמו
לך או לכל צד שלישי בשל מסרים שיפורסמו
ביצירות, שהנם באחריות היוצר בלבד.