And all that's left for you to do now is to write it down,
and laugh at how silly it all was - at the end of it.
You mean, how silly it IS. It's still going on. I'm sorry I
can't just laugh at this in just a moment. And if I fucking
try, I just end up crying like a loon. They'll end up
putting me in a mental institution! I can't take this!
Ok, now listen to me very carefully. (You're shaking, are
you cold, dear?)
No, I am not cold, I can't deal with this, it's not the
first time and not the second, but I just don't ever seem to
be immune. Never! You hear? And you're not helping me! Not
at all! I also have an extreme pain and pressure in my
stomach and I find it hard to breathe... and I can't stop
crying, but if I do, even for a second, I feel like such a
fake zombie, I must let it all out, you hear? I MUST!! HELP
ME!! HELP!!
Look, grab a hold of yourself, I see you can't do this
alone, I know, darling, now just do as I say and don't
complain just yet. (You are not a zombie. Don't think that,
do NOT, repeat - NOT - overreact, you hear).
But I -
NO buts. Now get up from the bathroom floor. Wipe your nose.
Wipe your face a little. Grab a toilet roll (god knows
you're gonna need it), unlock the door, get out. Get your
coat, hat - scarf, whatever. Walk to the door, grab your
keys. Get out. Do not slam the door, answer if asked where
you are going. Even if you don't know. Walk to the gate,
open it but don't leave it open. Walk quicker. You see, it
helps a little. Walk up the road, not down. Quicker. You can
run. Weep. Wash your pretty face, that's it. Let the harsh
cool wind hit you like a whiplash, but make sure you're
covered up. We don't want you to be ill afterwards, do we?
(Don't answer that.)
Wipe your nose. Go up to that place that has less light.
Look at the stars. See how pretty they are.
And I talk to them. I tell them I don't want this to be,
but I don't wish for anything. What will be will be, however
stinging as it may be. I silently scream in my whispers to
give it back to me. To at least explain. I whisper because I
don't want anyone to hear me, this is between the stars and
me. Maybe they'll help me. I turn and look at the lights of
the streets. I don't like them. I look at tiny distant
figures and try to see if they are the figures that I want
them to be. I cry at the streets. Don't want to go see them
again, they have betrayed me. Everyone seems to be doing
that, I hope it isn't me. Then for a moment I think this is
all my fault but I stop and
NO! It's not your fault! You know it isn't!
But then I blame her, she's nasty, she's awful,
insensitive,
NO! That's not true either!
Foolish - precious, my beautiful gem, I can't live without
her, please come back. You see another figure that seems
familiar. You decide to go see if it's him, you want him to
be there with you for a moment. You start walking. You get
down from where it was nice and dark and then
No! I don't fucking need him! And he doesn't want to even
see me either! So he can go fuck himself. But you keep
walking, not wanting to return to where you came from.
Moving on.
You think of going over to see her. SHE MIGHT EVEN REGRET
EVER LETTING YOU GO. SHE MIGHT JUST STILL LOVE YOU NOW!
NOOOO! Don't do that! You did that once, when you were a
shitload more obsessive. Going back to that, eh? Addicted or
what?YOU DON'T NEED TO GO KISS HER FEET, AFTER SHE TOLD YOU
SPECIFICALLY TO GO AWAY! SHE DOES NOT LOVE YOU ANYMORE!
She might..
NO! SHE DOESN'T! LET HER GO! STOP CHASING HER, SHE DOESN'T
UNDERSTAND YOU! SHE SAYS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HER, WHEN YOU
SAY THINGS TO HER, THE WAY SHE WOULD TO YOU. SHE'S A
HYPOCRITE. DON'T GO TO HER, SHE DOES NOT DESERVE YOU. AND
MAYBE YOU ARE SHIT, BUT WHICHEVER THE CASE, SHE ISN'T FOR
YOU.
WELL, SHE MIGHT JUST BE TOO CLEVER AND TOO GREAT FOR ME,
BUT I LOVE HER! I LOVE HER! SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND! DOES SHE
REALLY WANT TO LEAVE ME? NOW? JUST LIKE THAT ?
Hey, shit happens. Hell, shit happens to YOU all the time.
One day he doesn't want to be your friend, the next it's
her. Let them all go, it will only do you good.
If you do that, you know what will happen eventually, you
will not want anyone close to you ever - friend or foe.
And is that so bad?
Yes. Think of what you lose.
Yeah. well, think of what you've lost!
I don't know what to do.
You think I do?
Write it all down.
Yeah, sure. What good would that do? And anyway I can't
write for shit.
No, I really think you should, could even help you out. And
all that's left for you to do now, is to write it down, and
laugh at how silly it all was - at the end of it.
Then maybe kill yourself.