I haven't written something for so long...because how I've
been feeling inside became a blur of thoughts and emotions,
and a big painful headache. But I think you're worth a word
or two. Because you amazingly made me hang on to words, to
the promise of a hug, of a kiss...when I needed it the most,
at the most difficult time of my life. You opened up my
emotions and made me feel, finally feel, after I thought I
was dead inside. And you hurt me. Pain that made me feel I
was alive, pain for something so real, innocent...the need
for a warm embracing hug was never more burning inside me.
At first when I couldn't see you because of reasons around
me, and I could and did blame a system I hated, and then I
couldn't see you because of reasons inside me...and I could
blame and hate only myself. The one thing in me that I don't
have a word in...I can change anything in me but that...and
that...that's the one thing I wanted to change so much so I
could be with you.
Our first kiss hurt. Literally hurt. A pain that awakened
emotions inside me and...I understood what "beautiful pain"
meant. It was amazing. Truly amazing.
You're definitely worth a word or two. Not more, because
I'll start feeling again. Or putting it at best....let the
feelings repressed inside me take over my thoughts. I don't
want to cry. Not now. I kept wondering not so long ago, what
hurts more....to lose somebody...that way, or  not to feel
at all. I think I have my answer now.
Guess I have to thank you, don't I? Thank you. From the
bottom of my heart.
I love you so  much....I wish I could hug you forever. But I
can't. It's best like this, isn't it...?
I should stop. Don't want to cry. Not now, anyway.
I love you...