why the hell am i here
i dont know
i suffer everyday although i feel joy sometimes
where is logic in this game
arent i supposed to feel ok with my self
im not that of a monster yet i feel im unwatchable
none would ever want to be my friend yet i have plenty
whats so wrong with me that i cant deside which war to
fight
im in a deep war with my selfesteem
i cnt even look in the mirror without wanting to die
how do i et out of this i need to help myself as much as i
help others but how
i need solutions but where do i get them from
if only i had someone who loved me it probably proved me
wrong
but until now i havent found anyone who will
does that mean that im right
that im that hideous
and if im not why is that
im not a bad person
im not a lonely person i have people around me
why doesnt anyone try to connect
am i repolsing anyone
i must stop with all those questions which i dont have
answers for
i must find solutions
i dont want to die so young
but i dont want to live alone
i dont want to wonder alone in this desert
in my own abyss
all i have is questions but there isnt a smart man to help
me out with htem
i know i have the answer somewhere in me
i must have it i feel it
but what is it
what can i do
how can i make my life worth living
how can i make me be important enough not to let me go
the answer cant be connected to someone else
'i cant be depended on someone else
the answer has to come from within me
if it will come from someone else i may feel wanted for some
time
but will happen if im left alone again
i will go back to the same place
what can i do
how do i change prespective
all i come back tois that someone
why, why is it that for me to love myself i have to be
loved
i think i need someone to show me i can be loved before i
acn start love myself
but is this posible when i dont feel loved
im going round and round in the same circle
im feeling like the moon, im left to orbit in the same track
over and over
i dont want to shut the moon but how can i teach it to start
shining
maby i do need a sun to provide its light for me to shine
even when i thought i found my source of light it vanished
real fast
why is it that im like a cheap glue, no one stays glued
and nothing really holds together
battle after battle im so tierd
the only way i feel good is when i escape reality
nothing awates for me in here so i runaway
if i could define sanity it would be to be happy
when insanity is when you only pretted or think your happy
im stuck in my insane world
i keep pretending so none will complain
i care so much about everyone that i dont want to worry
anyone
with my problems
i keep them to myself and create this stupid smile on my
face
when i think of it im fine most of the times but thats only
because
im not in total awareness
i once thought im manic depressive
but now i dont
i think i just made that up so it would make it easier for
me
to deal with the problem
or should i say live with it
i just sayd im manic depressive so its ok to be depressed
iv made the insane sane so it would be easier to deal with
its ok im only depressed
why the fuck is it ok
its not ok cant i see it
a regular human being is not deppressed that often
its just a bad point of view about life
if i change it and try to look at the world
in a better way everything will probably be ok
ignorance is bliss
the lack of understanding only makes you see
less of the problems and the pain
than getting dumber is quite a good therapy
the dumber just dont understand the problems there for
they dont suffer from it
im sitting here brainstorming myself
something iv never done
i hoped to find some answers yet i only found more
questions
hopefully ill continue this until i find the answers iv been
looking for
fish them out of my defected mind
but now for the greatest escape of them all
im gonna hide from myself inside my dreams
for a few hours where everythings diffrent
until i wake up and be disappointed again