PICKLES
(C) 2001 Yair Packer
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FADE IN:
EXT. BUSY STREET. DAY
Paul (33) and Jim (35) walk on the sidewalk. They talk. They
pass a supermarket. Paul stops and Jim goes on. Suddenly he
realizes that Paul is not with him. He stops and looks back.
Jim goes back.
JIM
What is it Paul? We'll be late.
PAUL
Just remembered that Rita asked me to get her pickles for
dinner.
JIM
I'll wait.
PAUL
Come on Jim.
JIM
It's OK really. Go.
PAUL
You don't mind that I'll get it do you?
JIM
No.Why should I ? Rita is our friend.
(beat)
Go.
EXT.  SUPERMARKET. DAY
Paul stands in the pickles department. He puts a can in the
cart. Jim comes to him.
JIM
What did you take her?
Paul turns and sees him.
PAUL
Hi. What?
JIM
What did you take her? Pickled cucumbers in brine or in
vinegar?
PAUL
In brine of course.
JIM
Did Rita ask for pickles in brine?
PAUL
No. She just said pickled cucumbers.  
Jim looks in the cart. He picks up the can.
JIM
Rita likes them in vinegar.
PAUL
No. She likes them in brine.
JIM
How do you know?
PAUL
I just know.
JIM
You think everyone has your taste ?
PAUL
We usually give our friends what we like.
JIM
Did you ever see her eating cucumbers in brine?
PAUL
No.
(beat)
I never saw her eating cucumbers in vinegar either.
JIM
I tell you she doesn't eat cucumbers in brine.
(beat)
Put it back.
Paul turns the cart. Jim puts out his hand and stops it.
PAUL
What you doing Jim?
JIM
Listen Paul. I don't want Rita to hate you and she will if
you take her cucumbers in brine.
PAUL
You kidding right?
JIM
Never been more serious.
PAUL
I'm not going to argue with you over cucumbers
JIM
Pickled.
PAUL
Of course they're pickled. Brine.
Jim takes the can out of the cart and goes back. He puts the
can on the shelf and takes another one. He puts it in the
cart. Paul picks the can and looks at it.
PAUL (CONT'D)
You got no right you know. Rita asked me. So it's my
responsibility.
JIM
No. We share the responsibility.
PAUL
We do ?
JIM
Sure. Once Rita knows I was with you I become part of it.
PAUL
Bullshit. When it comes to pickles it's every man to
himself.
JIM
I thought we were friends. Close.
PAUL
OK, We aren't going to argue.
Paul takes back the can. He comes back empty handed.
PAUL (CONT'D)
The moment I told you about the pickled cucumbers I knew it
was a mistake.
JIM
Is that so Paul?
PAUL
Yeah.
(beat)
It's just a fucking pickled cucumbers can.
JIM
She'll take one look at it and'll throw it out the window
and then she won't talk to us for days.
PAUL
I'm not taking her anything and that's final. I'll say I
forgot all about it.
JIM
It's the easy way out.
PAUL
OK. Then the super was out of pickled cucumbers.
He takes the cart and moves to the exit. Jim stays behind.
Paul turns back and looks at him.
PAUL (CONT'D)
Well? You coming?
JIM
Let's take both. Brine and Vinegar.
PAUL
She asked for one can.
JIM
I'll take whatever she doesn't want.
PAUL
You'd rather confuse her than bring her what she wants and
she wants cucumbers in brine.
JIM
You know for a fact that she wants brine and only brine?
PAUL
You heard me saying she wanted only brine?
JIM
So she might be open minded and accept the vinegar?
PAUL
It is a matter of preferences.
JIM
If she prefers brine she'll give us back the vinegar.
PAUL
You mean she'll let you have the vinegar?
JIM
Sure.
PAUL
But we'll tell her that I said brine and that you insisted
on vinegar?
JIM
You, me. It doesn't matter.
PAUL
Yes it does.
Jim goes back to the shelf. He picks two cans and takes them
back. He puts one in Paul's cart.
JIM
Now it's settled. You pay for the brine and I for the
vinegar.
PAUL
Two separate bags?
JIM
Sure.
PAUL
You bastard.
JIM
What's the matter now?
PAUL
I know you.
(beat)
We come in and the dinner already started. Rita kisses us
and puts drinks in our hands. Then she asks us what's in the
bags?
JIM
So we tell her pickled cucumbers.
PAUL
Just pickled cucumbers?
JIM
Yeah.
PAUL
We don't mention brine or vinegrad?
JIM
You want to?
PAUL
No. Then she's going to ask us to put the bags in the
kitchen.
(beat)
You got a pen?
JIM
No. What do you want a pen for?
PAUL
We'll get one from the cashier and write "Paul" on the brine
and "Jim" on the vinegar.
JIM
OK.
PAUL
Then Rita asks Jill to go into the kitchen and open the
pickled cucumber can. Does she come back and asks her which
one of the two?
JIM
Jill never asks anything. She knows fucking all.
PAUL
Right. What does she do? Does she read what it says on the
cans? Vinegar - Jim, Brine - Paul?
JIM
Jill wouldn't.
PAUL
So she puts both in a big bowl and Rita has no idea who
brought what and we both catch it.
JIM
Unless we save the empty cans and prove it to her later.
PAUL
We'll have to make sure that Jill doesn't take out the trash
can.
JIM
We'll have to be very quick.
Paul and Jim walk to the cashier. There are two people in
line and a woman (Linda, 52) before them. Linda looks at Jim
and Paul and at the two cans.
LINDA
Excuse me.
JIM
What?
LINDA
You two are together?
JIM
Sort of.
LINDA
So why do you carry the can?  Put it in your friend's cart.
PAUL
Who says we're friends?
LINDA
Well...
PAUL
It's my cart. Let him get his own.
JIM
He thinks that two cans of pickled cucumbers can not be in
the same cart.
PAUL
Not if one is vinegar and the other is brine.
LINDA
Friendship does not necessarily mean same taste.
JIM
It's not for us.
PAUL
For a dear friend.
JIM
(to the cashier)
Do you have a pen miss?
The cashier hands him a pen.
CASHIER
Don't forget to give it back.
JIM
I won't. I just going to write something on both cans.
Jim writes his name on his can. One man goes out and Linda
moves forward with her cart. Jim hands the pen to Paul. Paul
writes on his can. Paul gives back the pen.
PAUL
(to Jim)
What did you write?
JIM
Just my name.
LINDA
What's your name?
JIM
Jim
LINDA
(to Paul)
He wrote more than just "Jim"
PAUL
He did?
LINDA
He wrote more than three letters.
PAUL
(to Jim)
Let me see your can.
JIM
Ok. I'll wipe it off.
PAUL
Wipe what off ?
JIM
"To Rita".
PAUL
Fuck you Jim.
LINDA
If you agreed on writing just the name...
JIM
You stay out of it
(beat)
please
PAUL
Sorry. He thinks he is so smart
(mimics)
"To Rita". "To Rita".
Jim takes out a tissue and wipes the can.
PAUL (CONT'D)
Let me see it.
JIM
Don't you trust me?
PAUL
Not when it comes to Rita
Jim shows the can. Paul looks at it.
PAUL (CONT'D)
OK.
LINDA
Who's this Rita ?
JIM
A friend.
PAUL
She asked me to bring her pickled cucumbers.
JIM
We're on our way to her for dinner.
LINDA
Is she tall, nice figure, long brown hair, green eyes ?
JIM
Yeah
(beat)
You know her?
LINDA
She was here the other day and talked about this dinner she
was going to give.
JIM
She talked to you ?
LINDA
No. Not to me.
The man in front of Linda moves away. Linda starts to take
her things from the cart and puts them in front of the
cashier.
PAUL
Whom did she talk to Ms...
LINDA
Linda. Linda Jenkins.
(beat)
The cashier mentioned that she wasn't buying the usual stuff
and she said "Yes. It's for this dinner I'm having".
PAUL
It's her alright. Rita.
JIM
Yeah. She lives not far from here. Right around the block.
LINDA
You say she's your friend?
JIM
We've known her for years. 5 at least.
PAUL
She was in that play that I took my niece to on her 6th
birthday. Almost 6 years ago.
JIM
He came back and didn't stop talking about her until I
promised to see the play.
JIM (CONT'D)
We're very close now Ms. Jenkins.
LINDA
Don't think so.
PAUL
Why do you say that?
LINDA
For sure you do not know about her allergy.
JIM
Allergy? Come on Ms. Jenkins, Rita is healthy as a horse.
LINDA
Wrong. The cashier told her that they had a "pickled
cucumbers special deal" and Rita said that she was allergic
to garlic.
JIM
Garlic?
LINDA
Look at the can. The ingridients contain garlic.
Jim and Paul look at the can.
PAUL
She can't be. Maybe she was just kidding.
LINDA
No. She wasn't.
PAUL
(to Jim)
Did we ever see her eating garlic?
JIM
Don't think so.
(beat)
If this lady is right than how come Rita asked you to bring
her pickled cucumbers?
PAUL
She didn't ask. She wrote it down.
JIM
Let me see the note.
PAUL
I don't have it on me right now but I remember it clearly.
It said "Get me pickled cucumbers "
JIM
Please
PAUL
Please?
JIM
Rita always adds please after a request.
PAUL
Yeah. OK. Maybe she did write please.
Linda finishes paying her bill and starts to pack her
shopping.
CASHIER
(to Jim)
You taking the pickles? Both cans?
JIM
No.
(to Paul)
Let's put them back.
PAUL
OK. If you say so.
Both get out of line and walk towards the inside of the
super.
PAUL (CONT'D)
Remember you were the one who said to put them back Jim?
JIM
I didn't say I suggested. We'll tell her we forgot to get
it.
PAUL
And you think there is a difference...
They walk into the aisle. Linda finishes packing the
shopping.
LINDA
(to the cashier)
Didn't think it was going to work.
CASHIER
What?
LINDA
This allergy thing.
CASHIER
You mean this Rita isn't allergic to garlic?
LINDA
Maybe she is and maybe she isn't. If she isn't then one of
them was going to lose just because he brought her the wrong
can of pickled cucumbers. Either brine or vinegar.
CASHIER
Wonder what they'll do when they find out she isn't
allergic?
LINDA
They might say that they forgot all about it.
(beat)
Forgeting is a forgivable sin unlike the crime of picking
the wrong can.
CASHIER
That was real smart of you Ms. Jenkins
(beat)
But sooner or later one of them will lose Rita.
LINDA
At least it won't be because of a fucking can of pickled
cucumbers.
Linda collects her bags. Jim and Paul walk out of the store.
They wave to Linda and she waves back.
LINDA (CONT'D)
They were plain lucky that I was here.
(to the cashier)
By the way - if anyone ever asks you  -  I like mine in
brine.
END