"Ya' know..I've been thinking lately; What kinda name is
Brutus anyway? "
"Eh?"
"I asked, what the hell kinda name is Brutus?"
"Well, umm, I never thought about it really-"
"Well you ought to. It's an awful name"
"Hey! Don't get personal all right. And besides, I didn't
choose it. I was named after my great great grandfather,
Brutus the bum."
"Hold on, let me get this straight, being a bum is something
to be proud of? Someone you would name your children
after?"
"Well, if you ever looked at a detailed family tree of the
Fergus family, you'd understand."
"So being a looser type bar fly is not only your hobby, job
and favorite pastime, but it's also a genetically engrained
behavior."
"Yes"
"Wow. That's deep man"
"Yeah yeah, where's my Caucasian?"
"Oh right, one minute"

"Here you go, one fortified flat coke with milk, in a dirty
glass."
"Ha ha. Real funny aren't ya."
"I've been told I should go into the stand up comedy
business, or at least copywriting"
"Pffffft, yeah right, you of all people. Just stick to
pouring and mixing, Mike, you're good at that."
"That's not very nice, didn't we decide on not getting
personal?"
"Right, sorry"
"Its ok. Just leave a tip this time."
"What do you mean 'leave a tip'?"
"I thought I was pretty clear"
"I meant that you're paying me to sit here and drink"
"So? I'm still providing you a service, and I deserve some
appreciation, and besides, that comedian comment of yours
was really under the belt."
"Uch... unfuckingbelievable..."
"Again with the swearing Brutus?"
"Shut up Michael"
"You know I don't like it when you call me that"
"Sorry Michael"
"You're impossible when you're drunk"
"I'm not nearly drunk,. yet."
"Whatever"

"Honestly though Mike, do you think anyone will come
tonight?"
"Nope. There's a big party over at the KaBoom, and they
serve minors no problem so..."
"Damn it. We should call the cops on them"
"Yeah, and what about when they ask us about the huge pile
of unpaid bills in the back room? You gotta think ahead
man"
"Oh yeah... that."

"Brutus?"
"uunnnghh?"
"Are you ok?"
"hungh?"
"I think you had too much again..."
"gnnnTIme fOr a wAlk"
"No, time to sleep dude. Time to sleep."

"Good morning sunshine"
"Shut up Mike. And keep your voice down"
"Here man, have a pint, it'll make the pain go away"
"Thanks, you're a pal"

"Ahh, much better"
"Yep. Nothing's better for a hangover than a pint with
ginger and some humus on bread"
"Nothing except for that, and hot steaming horizontal boogie
in the shower..."
"Well, there's that of course, but since right now we're
both living the hermit's life, we'll have to settle for
second best"
"Hermit's life?  Hardly. I have plenty of prospects"
"Heh, I know your 'prospects'"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Look, I'm not trying to belittle you Don Juan, but the last
time one of them actually followed through she turned out to
be totally psycho. As a matter of fact, the one before that
was also psycho. And the one before that-"
-"Ok ok, I get the picture, Mr. Smooth"
"Look, I never said I was any better. In fact if you check
the protocol-"
"Shut up Mike"
"Fine"

"What are we doin tonight Brutus?"
"Why, pondering existentialism as seen through the eyes of a
mop, and the physio-geometrical formations of the cosmos in
relation to creation and theology. What else?"
"Well I'm gonna close early and see if I can't find what's
her face at the cafי"
"Ooooh Mike's got a girlfriend, Mike's got a girlfriend"
"Hardly. And I wish"
"C'mon! You guys have gone out twice already, and you're
goin for three tonight! That's about 4 dates over my current
average. If you consider slaps, punches and other loud, lude
refusals as physical contact, equal to a date..."
"That bad?"
"You know how it is. But I've got prospects"
"Hmmm. Yes. I remember this conversation"

"How'd it go?"
"You're still here?!"
"I live here remember?"
"No you don't"
"Look, this argument is void-. How'd it go?"
"Good I guess."
"You guess? You GUESS? You've been gone three days, I had to
cover for ya."
"You... c-covered for me?"
"Well, you didn't leave anyone else."
"But you're not a trained bartender"
"Well, no. But first of all, no one ever comes here. And
secondly, you do get to pick up certain things when you're a
'looser type bar fly' for as long as I've been"
"Whatever. Any problems when I was gone"
"Like I said, no one came in. you ok Mike?"
"I'm fine. Let it go."
"Let what go?"
"Nothing"
"Michael..."
"Don't call me that. I told you not to call me that."
"What is it Michael, bitch got you riled? Got too much ass?
Can't handle the heat? (laughs) (sigh)...I kill me... THE
HEAT! HA! Get it? The HEAT!"
"Shut the fuck up Brutus. Just shut up"
"(Still laughing) got you riled! THE HEAT!"
"Stop it. Stop it you fuck! ENOUGH!"
"Whoa nelly. All right, alright I get the picture. You and
miss perfect had a lovers' peck fight"
"Not really"
"Come now Michael, I know you better than to lie like that"
"Ok ok. We had a little fight"
"Mikey drank too much of his boo-boo-go-away juice?"
"Shut up"
"Good, I'm on the right track (rubs hands together)"
"Ok. Maybe I had too much this time"
"Ooooh... and then what Mikey? Do tell, I'm simply crumbling
with anticipation, positively abrim with zeal as to what
comes next"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I know what comes next"
"Huh?"
"I said, I know what comes next"
"Stop fucking around Brutus"
"I know because that 'fucking whore' is my sister in law. I
know because I knew you were down in the dumps and needed
some love. I know because I know you, and I know you hate
being set up. I know because she told me. You nearly killed
her Michael, it's gone too far, too long."
"-I... "
"No Michael. Not this time. No excuses. No reasons. No
forgive and forget. No second chance. No mercy."

Michael said that the sight of ice blue, blood-shot eyes
enchanted him. I never knew whose.