They were supposed to be my parachute; some sort of a safety
net and the opposite is what's going on. All they ever did
was hurt me over and over, after so long that nothing
happened I thought that it might be over but I couldn't be
more wrong, it was all put aside for a while I could never
forget but I thought that I already forgave and I was wrong
again. I found out that all that happened was that I got
lost somewhere and nothing could hurt me more.
Than again when I think of it they were the ones who helped
me become who I am these days, not that I can thank them for
it since I hate myself, I despise myself, but most of all I
despise them for doing it again.
I remember when it first happened, I laughed, it was just a
joke and than it grew bigger I lost my best friends to that
monster and the most important thing was that I lost myself
in that monster.
I guess I could never forgive just like I could never
forget- I trusted them and they hurt me, you'd think I would
learn something, you'd think I would never trust any of them
again but I did, I tried to let them in. I reasoned it with
telling myself that they couldn't remember such a thing, it
didn't affect their lives and they would never repeat those
words ever again. I WAS WRONG!!! So here I am, thinking
about those words again, never letting go, letting a few
meaningless word the power I shouldn't, letting them control
my life. I've changed a lot since it first started, I'm not
a little girl anymore, I'm a big girl now and I can handle
whatever you throw at me.
I'm strong now more than ever; no one can ever break the
shield.
I hate them now more than ever for ruining the most
important thing in me, they took my trust away and murdered
my personality, I can't trust anyone, not even myself and
that kills me all over again.
I thought that I forgave them and now I realize that I was
only fooling myself, I always thought that they pushed me
away when I was the one to push away, I was the one who
couldn't let them close, I was the one who wouldn't let them
see the real me. They can hate me if they want to but they
don't know the real me so who cares?
I can't trust them and they don't know why, I can't tell
them because it hurts too much. But than again, I don't
think they really care...
I fell on the floor and I'm broken, you can always try to
rebuild the puzzle but I have to warn you that some of the
pieces are gone and no one can find them...