In a minute, i am going to flush the water. I will just
stand there and watch them going down the drain. Then,
wishing i could be water, I will jump into the water and
flow with them. to where? i do not know. i will, when i jump
there. i will feel the water around me, washing me, cleaning
me? from myself probably. will i breath? i will, somehow. my
brain will not be drained from oxygen., will not go into
that long-wished-for numbness i look for in every action i
do, every day, all the time. i will not faint, lose
onciousness, i will not drown will not die.i will be
swimming. Not even that. swimming will distract me, and that
is what i wish for most. distraction i will be floating,
flowing. i will have nothing, no matter how hard i try,
nothing to think of. except for one thing. You. So why
bother jump into the water anyway?


the impossible sound of flushing stopped a long time ago, i
stand here and stare at the calm still water.