I am (and I think I should be) annoyed by the fact that she
didn't call me back yesterday.  I find it to be a
demonstration of vague lack of respect, a clearer lack of
interest, and most obviously - a negative attitude towards
me.

I understand that old friends are being put aside for the
sake of new ones, but I also tend to think that I have given
up enough pride to compensate for anything.

It is a true, real humiliation for me to sit and wait for a
phone call like this, and she should be aware of this by
now.  Therefore I assume that she wishes to humiliate me on
purpose, and there is no humiliation of purpose that a
person with a minimal degree of self-respect should be able
to tolerate and/or bear.

But since I tolerate it, it must imply that I have no
self-respect whatsoever.  But I also know that I do have
some self-respect, and it annoys me when I have to give my
pride up for it.  So perhaps I should just stop doing so.  I
could refrain from calling today - and most likely she
wouldn't have called and would have totally ignored me until
I saw her in real life.  And even then, if I hadn't
initiated a conversation or offered her to meet, she would
most likely had continued to ignore me.

This system of double-edged messages and standards is
definitely beyond my comprehension, and I don't want to
comprehend it.

I don't have to be everyone's door mat all of the time.
There must be someone I can share all of the truth with, who
will be able to say something helpful.

It can't be that bad.

Why can't people understand that my "perfect" life is far
from being anywhere near perfect?

Even the person whom I kept closest to me always thought
that my life, just like myself, is perfect.  That annoyed me
back then as a demonstration of lack of willingness to
participate in my internal discussion, but now I see that it
was simply an overall unability to recognize that there are
bad things about my life, things which I don't enjoy and
which can ruin it and make me suffer very strongly.

The fact some people are aware of my weaknesses and yet
continue to act in a way which harms me indicates that they
must be rather poor friends.

But most of them act like that, and I have never had better
friends.  I can't break up with all of them - they are too
good for that, and I won't be able to find any better ones.
This is the part which always stumps me - I don't have an
alternative.  Why would I need an alternative to such a
"perfect" condition? - this is a question even someone who
gave all the above a careful examination could have
asked...

I think there is nothing more annoying than being ignored
and then told that you've not been ignored and that
everything is just excellent.  Those things happen to me all
the time.

Is the problem on my end or on theirs?  Am I the normal
one?..