I woke up on somewhere between midnight and midmorning
feeling somewhat like yesterday's coffee.
So coreless.
Felt like crying upon my misfortune.
I guess I have everything but what's everything compared to
people who have more, ha?
Love!
Well, I can't say that I had no love...I loved and maybe I
was loved by some
But not in the way I wanted to be loved
I got up and asked her:
Did you think of what we talked about?
"I thought I made it clear" she said embarrassed somewhat
Then I replied
"I just wanted you to know that I love you"
And I did
And I hurt
And I angered
But I couldn't hurt her
Why?
I don't know why
But all I could do was hurt myself
And I did
And I hurt
And I angered
I felt so worn off
So tired of this filthy game of courtship
So primitive
Animalistic
But wait...couple of hours later I met someone new
She shown like a drop of water on the spiders web after the
rain
I took a new perspective and looked at others
They where just like me
Drooling showing off and jumping around like carrousel
horses around the pole
Dancing to her music
I took a step back and her shine wasn't that pure anymore
I reminded me the dirty imitation of a rainbow from a puddle
of gasoline.
I was disgusted
And hurt
And angered
And I know I will be next time
And there will be next time unless I die someday
And I'll never stop that primitive game no matter how ugly
it is because there is no other way!
I'll just try to be as honest as possible about my feelings
and maybe one day someone will understand me and see me in a
new way
And reach through this crude shell
And I won't feel hurt or angered or disgusted again