The day before the event,
I haven't even started preparing.
For like 10 years now, I've been avoiding it.
Once again, it comes down to this.
Nothing else matters now.
I don't care much anymore.
But I mind.
It's driving me crazy, I mind.
I have the values,
but not the ways of applying them on myself.
It's driving me insane, I mind.
Everytime this happens,
I swear it will be the last,
that I will learn from these mistakes.
But I'm a moron,
I can't learn that leaving things to the last moment
is bad.
My head will explode soon, I mind.
Even as I write, I'm avoiding studying.
It's part of my life, stalling.
I don't really care nowadays.
A bullet through my head please, I mind.
I don't do anything anymore.
I just wait for something to happen,
ignore it,
laugh,
I carry on.
It's not that nothing ever happens,
I just don't notice it.
I never learned to.
An arrow through my heart damnit, I mind.