You asked me once: What is your objection to tongues? And I
answered: I don't know.
If we were still talking now, I would tell you: It is an
uglier penis. To this, your reply would be: So you think a
penis is ugly. I knew it. Then why did you let me touch
you?
My answer would be: Because we didn't go that far. You
would say: It was far enough. I would say: It wasn't too
far. You would counter: It was farther than you wanted. You
lied to me. Why?
To this, I would tell you: It wasn't too far to pretend.


Did I tell you what exactly happened? I can't remember
exactly what I said. Was I specific? Did I tell you it was
only his tongue that touched me? Did I tell you his penis
was a suggestion of something uglier that might be done?
,I was young then. He was young, but he knew the country
and he knew the language. He knew the territory. Did I tell
you how scared children are of the dark? They will follow
any source of light. Bugs are this way, too. Do you know
what happens to bugs that follow a false light?


,This country is unmapped: unnamed curves, bumps, hair
folds in the flesh. I try not to look at it. I try not to
think about it. I try not to name it.
I see it in the mirror, and in Luis Royo's art. I showed
you the pictures, didn't I? His work is something I don't
,show most people. It is a suggestion that I am not afraid
or disgusted.
I showed it to you to mislead you. I'd heard people rave
.about this country. I didn't want to wait for my visa