I couldn't sense it coming, I couldn't know.
It only just surprised me like the first time. First love.
First day of the utmost depression. First hour of incredible
happiness.
And now, I watch love fading away.
I can't quite tell when I started realizing the truth. When
I finally felt it there, creeping up my spine and making me
shiver with awareness. When terror held my breath and my
heart missed a beat, because I couldn't believe.
That I don't love you anymore.
Lately, oh yes, I've noticed, I'm thinking about you less
and less. And seeing you less. I'm more looking through you
than at you. More passing you by then only walking there
just to be near you. More pulling away, unconsciously,
perhaps, than pulling towards you.
I'm loosing all interest in you.
Don't misunderstand my baffled words, I do love you, still
and probably always will. But when I look at you and I catch
you staring back, my breath doesn't get caught up my chest
like it used to until it ached. When I walk in a crowd and
casually brush myself against you, I no longer feel the
numerous need to touch you, and be touched back. And when I
assist you with all ways that I can, wanting as much as you
do to solve the problem, I no longer crave to stand there by
your side for the rest of my life and just be there for
you.
Guess I've lost my faith. Guess I've lost my will, which
used to be so strong. Guess I've lost the special relation I
had with you.
Or maybe it's you who've lost it all.
Because at some point, I have to admit, you haven't called;
or asked; or glanced just to check if I were still there,
hanging on like a leaf threatening to be torn, like we all
do in every day of our lives. At some point you've let it
go, released the contact that was anyhow unstable and weak.
And now, love is fading away.
Falling apart and sinking down between my feeble fingers.
It could happen to anyone and everyone, from the weakest
ones who never seem to last a day, to the ones holding tight
to their love as they can. You can never know when the day
will come when morning sunshine doesn't seem so seductive
anymore; that inviting and pleasant. You might even think
you have no reason to live for.
There are life after love, of that I am certain and sure. I
won't die, not today, not tomorrow. But I'll be waiting
patiently, gripped with anticipation, to feel the sweet and
somewhat bitter taste of love.
For my love to you has faded away, but as the wind blows the
clouds to sail further, so will my love to life blow my
heart to keep searching. For I know that except love that's
eternal,
Nothing lasts forever.