Chapter One

Choked yearns had come out of my mouth. The rope around my
neck was tight. I had to step back a little in order to
breathe. My mouth was dry. The ground beneath my legs was
wet. I had spilled the water out of the box angry Joe and
Aaron left for me. I barked my frustration.

I'm a bulldog. A purebred. It was really beneath me to be
tied to a tree like that. Actually, it had been kind of
embarrassing. If I were a pincher, or a stray dog, it would
be conceivable. But a purebred dog, tied to a tree like
that, away from his home and family. That was a real shame.

People were running in the park. They ran, but they didn't
seem in a hurry. Some of them noticed my barking and kept
on. A couple of kids came near me. They surrounded me,
forming a half of a threshing floor, and stared at my
exposed canine teeth. I barked at them. They didn't mind it
though. I knew why they didn't mind. That made the hair on
my back bristle. They were little. I could be done with each
of them at any time. As a matter of fact, I could be done
with them all at once. But the goddamn rope was tight around
my neck so I couldn't get loose.

When little Terry used to tie me, it was loose enough for me
to get freed alone. I simply had to stand and pull my head
while she pulled the lease to her direction. Most of the
time, I didn't need to use that technique. However, if I had
ever seen a cat or something, I would get loose
immediately.

But it wasn't little Terry who tied me this time. It was her
mother Joe. Joe was merciless. She gave me food and water,
off course. But I had spilled the water and the food bowl
was now filled with sand and those little animals that
destroyed every useful spot at the park.

I barked at the kids for a long couple of minutes. However,
they didn't even so much as flinch. They had whispered all
kinds of things to each other in a language I couldn't
understand. Some of the words like "food", "water", "hairy",
"dog" were familiar. But most of these words were unknown.

I heard a yell from afar. There was another yell, then
another. Then, I noticed a big woman nearing us. She gave me
a sorry look and went away, taking the kids along with her.

It was a hot day. My head had begun to feel heavy on my
neck. My neck was heavy on my body. My body was heavy on my
legs. I had lain down. The ground was still muddy, but not
so wet. It had dried in the sun. I stared at the food bowl.
I was hungry. But my eyelids were too heavy to be kept above
my eyes, and so, I had shut 'em down.


Chapter Two

I woke up to the soft touch of something wet on my nose. I
sniffed. It was the touch of water. Surprised, I raised my
big heavy head to meet the eyes of a man. He was a tall man.
He smiled at me. I sniffed some more till my nose reached
the fresh water bowl. I drank. Sip after sip, grabbing as
much of the cool fluid as I could between coarsenesses of my
tongue. The water was fresh, a little cold. After a few
delicate sips, I regained control of my paws and rose to a
standing. Every couple of sips, I stopped, taking a moment
to breathe. Then I dipped my mouth inside the water again,
drinking life. I didn't need any eyes in the back of my head
to see that the tall man was staring at me. I knew it. I
FELT him staring at me. He was pleased. The way a mother god
is pleased to see her little puppies milk her breasts out
when breast feeding.

It was after maybe five minutes of drinking, that I finally
stopped to lie down again. The tall man was still standing.
He was watching me all along. He kneeled and reached a hand
to pet my head. I backed, exposing my canine teeth again. As
kind as it was of him to give me water, he was a stranger.

I didn't like strangers. At home, I was taught to love my
owners and hate all others. As kind as I was to my owners,
to others I was considered a scary dog. Terry's friends knew
not to come near her when I was around. I protected the
little girl like a bodyguard. And in the end, what did I
get? Spilled water and a bowl of food filled with sand and
those little animals that destroyed every good spot.

The man had stayed away. He stared at me for a long hour or
so. Damn, it was an hour or so! Then he went away and I was
alone again.

I began to feel sorry for being alone. Maybe I should have
let him touch me? But he was a strange man and I didn't like
being touched by strange men. He must have been insulted by
my behavior. I should have been kinder to him. After all, he
gave me water.


Chapter Three

I had lain down on the ground. I was careful not to get mad
again, so not to spill my water. I had drunk most of it
anyway. It's a strange thing about water, when you leave it
in the sun for a while, it gets drunk by itself. It's as if
something doesn't let you enjoy it for too long. I didn't
like that at all. Plus, I began to get real hungry. Hungry
like seeing people as big cows and children as little
chickens walking in front of my very doggish eyes.

There were other dogs in the park. Some of them had run
after their owners. Others wandered, smelling fresh dog shit
along their way. There wasn't too much to smell. What was
left was mostly dog piss.

It was a habit of the late couple of years; when us dogs had
shitted, immediately our owners would grab a nylon sac and
pick it up, discarding it in one of the boxes that were put
in the street especially for this purpose. I wasn't too fond
of that habit either. It took one of the great joys of the
daily walk away - smelling shit. Gone were the days you knew
you're closed to the park when you smelled that particular
smell.

That habit also created another problem. As the dog owners
among you must know, we dogs are aroused mostly by smell.
Take me for example; I would never piss on an unpissed
ground, unless I'd do so to mark my territory. So, if you
didn't smell shit when you were walking in the park, you had
no place to shit. And that was a real bummer.

These thoughts had reminded me that I really needed to piss.
I sniffed the air around me. Not even a scent. I had pissed
on the damn tree I was tied to. But I didn't feel like doing
it again. I began to walk in circles, sniffing and searching
for a piss worthy ground. Nothing. Just sand and some grass.
I stood on the tips of my rear legs, smelling the grass.
There was a scent there, a little farther. But I couldn't
reach it. The rope became tight again. Damn. I tried to step
forward a couple of times, each from a different angle. But
I couldn't reach the spot. Damn. Couldn't they move this
tree a little? Can't a dog get a descent pissing ground
these days?

I was almost agitated enough to break free when I saw her.
He fur was snow-white. She walked in pride, untied. She was
so beautiful. I couldn't tell her breed. She walked on the
grass, right where I smelled, but farther away. I must have
been staring. Shit, I must have been drooling or something.
I had waited anxiously, hoping she would smell me and come
closer. God, I wanted to know what her ass smelled like.

She had finally noticed me. She stood still for a couple of
moments, not knowing what to do. Then she advanced. The
thick odor of dog shampoo reached my nose. She came closer,
smelling my mouth gently as I buried my snout in her ear. We
stood sniffing each other for a couple of long moments. Then
I made an attempt to reach farther with my nose, but the
damn rope signaled me to forget about it. She lay down on
her back, her belly rising up. I lay next to her, putting
one of my paws on her shoulder, and licking her face. She
seemed to enjoy it, as she raised her belly up even more.
Then she got up, and began to run around in the grass,
expecting me to go after her. But I couldn't. She stared at
my incapability from afar, sitting on the grass and waiting.
I couldn't come. The look of disappointment in her eyes had
engraved in my memory.


Chapter Four

I realized angry Joe and Aaron wouldn't come to take me back
home. I didn't expect them to. I knew I've done a very bad
thing and I'm lucky to even be alive after doing it.
Normally I had very good temper. I was not a bad dog. There
were bad dogs out there, but believe me, I was not one of
them. I loved little Terry very much. I even loved angry Joe
and Aaron. Before they became angry, that is. All I needed
in order to live was food, water, a daily walk, and a lot of
love. The Cohen's family gave me all of the above and more,
so it was O.K. It was really my fault that it all happened.
But it was too late now. I was on my own, lying on the dry
ground with my doggish legs crossed, looking at the little
stones on the ground.

A green ball rolled into my sight, scattering the sad
thoughts away. I looked at the ball. I heard a voice telling
me something. I recognized the word "play". I looked up. It
was the tall man. One of his arms was shorter. It didn't
have a men paw. He talked to me again. This time he
mentioned the word "food". Then he reached the shorter arm.
It had a man paw. He was just hiding it. He was holding a
bowl. Great smell was coming out of that bowl. He laid the
bowl on the ground, next to me. Dog food. It was the wet
kind of food, the kind that tasted like a real cow! I
devoured the cow-meat out of the bowl. It was good. It was
real good. When I finally raised my head up, men looked like
men again and children didn't look like chickens anymore.

Before I noticed, I felt a man paw on my forehead. I jumped.
The tall man got scared. I believe I had exposed my teeth
again. He didn't leave though. He simply stood still,
staring at me. All I could do was to bark till he would be
gone. But he didn't go. It had seemed like he had come here
to stay. It was apparent by the look in his eyes. He seemed
to adore me. His eyes were inspecting my fur, my muscles, my
correct carriage as I stood, and my voice. He knew I was a
purebred. I was the real kind of a dog.

I kind of began to get used to him being around. From time
to time, he would reach a hand to pet my head. I would
expose my canine teeth and he would draw back. We sat like
this, looking at each other for a couple of hours. Then a
woman came. It was the same woman who took the kids away.
She began to talk to me. She mentioned none of the words I
liked, but she did say something about 'cute', 'doggy' and
things like that. She reached a hand to my direction but
stopped when the tall man told her something. They switched
a couple of words between them. Then the tall man reached to
grab my ball. I barked. Why the hell should he give me a
ball and then take it away?

He didn't try to reach for the ball again. Instead, he had
walked around me, in a circle. The woman talked to me while
he did. He was staring at the tree. Then he stepped into my
territory. Now with all due respect for him giving me food
and shit, he was a stranger. He took a step too far and that
made me real mad. Who the fuck did he think he was? Stepping
into my territory? Eyeing the very tree I had pissed on?
People. Go tell.

He drew back in funny steps. He was bent and his hands
covered his ankle, where my teeth left their marks on his
skin. It was not a serious bite. I didn't close my jaw or
anything. It was just a warning. I also think he understood
that, as he didn't have any anger in his eyes. The lovely
woman next to him bent to inspect the wounded ankle. They
wore severe expressions. The kind Angry Joe and Aaron wore
before they took me to the vet. I sat gazing at them. They
were a beautiful couple. They switched looks and some words
with each other and went away. They were a strange couple.
Beautiful, but strange.


Chapter Five

I was alone again. This day was sunnier. I reckon people say
that about days when the big yellow ball in the skies is
white and you can't open your eyes or look up because it
hurts. I tried to pronounce the word sunnier but all I could
get out of my mouth was a growl. I lay on the ground and
tried to hide my head between my paws. I managed to cover my
eyes. But the warm sun rays had hit my body like great
hammers falling from the skies. My head hurt so much that I
couldn't ignore it.

There was a thin line of the tree's shade on the ground. I
got up and lay in it. It helped a little. After a few
minutes, the shade disappeared. I looked around. It was on
my right side. I got up and lay down in the shade. Every
couple of minutes, I repeated this, until I got tired of
getting up, walking, lying down, and getting up again. It
had been almost nerves breaking. Every time I fell asleep I
began to feel the hammers again, and then I had to get up
and change place. When I finally stopped, I noticed my lease
got shorter.

Sleep. I'd longed to close my eyes and sleep. But then I
smelled something. A pig. Was there a pig standing in the
middle of the park? I had no power to open my eyes. Not even
for a pig. I sniffed some more. It was a pig. I thought I
might as well take a look at it. Lazily, I opened my eyes to
see a towel. The towel had smelled like a pig though. I
sniffed some more. Towel or not, if it smells like a pig, it
might as well taste like a pig. I bit on the towel. It sure
tasted like a pig. I didn't get to dwell on the great flavor
before I felt the cloth slipping out of my mouth. I grabbed
it furiously between my teeth, refusing to let go. The woman
who took the kids was pulling the towel from its other side.
She was relentless. I stared into her eyes. She was
determined, but not angry. She looked up every once in a
while. I didn't know where to. I didn't care.

That little beautiful bitch kept pulling my food away from
my mouth, and I kept holding onto it with my teeth. She
walked backwards and I had to keep the pace. I kept
following her until I felt the damn rope cutting my throat.
But I didn't give up. My teeth almost got out of their place
in my mouth from the effort. The hair on my back bristled.
I'll never understand you people. She was nice when she took
the kid. She was nice when she gave me food. But then she
took it away. Goddamn bitch!

Suddenly, I fell. She also gave up. I held the towel in my
mouth. The pig taste was gone. My teeth hurt. She stared at
me, pleased. What the fuck was so pleasant? I heard steps
from behind. Then I felt a man paw on my head. I jumped and
looked around. I saw nothing. I looked back at the woman and
guess who was in front of my very eyes? The tall man, with a
piece of rope in his hands. I bit on the towel some more. It
had bored me. I got up. The tall man and his bitch kept
walking away from me. I left the towel and watched them go.
After annoying me, they could simply walk away. Damn, if I
weren't tied to the damn tree!

They stopped and turned around. Then they began to make all
kind of voices, calling me. They stood like a - I don't
know, quite a distance from me. And they were making voices.
They whistled and clucked tongues. What sort of a game was
that? Usually when people want to play with us dogs, they
throw a ball or something, they run, they ask for a hand.
They don't stand in a distance from a tied dog and call him
to come over. Those were strange people. I was angry. I
tried to remain angry. This situation was irritating. But my
tail began to wiggle in itself.

You see, there's this thing about dogs; when our tail begins
to wiggle, we forget about everything else. Anger, fear,
thirst, hunger, all these feelings are gone when the tail
begins to wiggle. All you think about is game. Catch' the
ball, chase the cats, jump on the lovely couple who whistle
and cluck tongues at me!

They kept calling. This time they came closer. Careless
playfulness began to wash away my other feelings. I jumped,
wiggling my tail, dying to get closer to them. I managed to
take another step, then another. I managed to keep going
forward. I was careful though. I wasn't going to let the
damn rope cut my throat again. They kept calling me.
Finally, I realized the rope isn't going to cut my throat
again. I was free. I ran, exited, wiggling my tail, jumping.
I jumped on the tall man and his girl. I began to run across
the park, in circles, then back, then again. I was free!


Chapter Six

For supper I had wet dog food and some water. I also got a
piece of the real salami the tall man and his girl were
eating. They got inside their car and put the salami inside.
I got in too. They were strangers. Buy they set me free so I
allowed myself to get into their car. Plus, there was salami
inside so...

As I got out of their car, I pissed on the wheel. They lived
in a convenient house. You didn't have to climb the stairs
in order to enter it. You simply had to walk though the
yard. The cats stared at me as I walked in pride. I would
have played with them. They didn't fear me though. It's not
fun when they are not afraid. I kept walking towards the
door. But they didn't open the door for me. They simply
closed the gate for the garden and left me outside.

I waited at the door for a while, hoping for one of them to
open it. Damn it! They brought me all the way over to their
house and then forgot me outside! I barked once. The door
stayed closed. I barked another time. Then another. Then the
door was opened. The tall man came out. But he didn't invite
me in. Instead, he showed me on a little house-shaped
kennel. There was a bowl of water standing neat the
entrance. Next to the water bowl, there was a bone. The kind
of things they give us to play with when they buy new
carpets or shoes.

He wasn't kidding. He had actually believed that I'd like
this new place. It was better than being tied to a tree at
the park. Or maybe it wasn't. Both had meant being tied to a
piece of wood and not being able to play with cats. Damn! I
wasn't going to agree to that.

Anger had threatened to take over again. But I rejected the
very thought. Instead, I stared at the tall man with my
sorry doggish eyes. I gave him the 'doggish look'.

Now, usually, people can't face the doggish look. Some dogs
would disagree. But they are the kind that uses this trick
very often. You always have to keep the important tricks to
crucial situations. Now that kennel situation was crucial. I
knew what I had to do. I had to let him touch me. He was a
stranger, but when a dog gives a man the look and let him
touch him, the man can't refuse that. It's either that or
that the man doesn't like dogs. You can't fool men who don't
like dogs. They're the worst kind of humanity. I mean even
Hitler liked dogs. I don't know who's Hitler, but that's
what Terry used to say.

The tall man had petted my head. He was trying to sooth me.
I gave him the doggish look again. I knew he wasn't going to
let me in this time. But I waited. I had to wait. It's a
thing about people who like animals, that when you wait long
enough, their heart begins to soften. It's like they have a
limited time for being evil. They can't be evil for long.
Not when they're around dogs. The tall man had closed the
door again. But I knew the door wouldn't remain closed for
too long.

I kept sitting and waiting by the entrance. I didn't bark. I
had to show them I was a good dog in order to get in. But
being a good dog is never enough. I wasn't proud of what I
did next. It's the thing you do when you got nothing else to
do. People can't stand it. But that's the only thing that
works. When people can't stand it, they've got to make it
stop. Now, there are two kinds of people; those who kill you
to make it stop and those who give you what you want. The
tall man was of the second kind of people. I howled.

In less than a minute after I began to howl, I was inside
the tall man and his girl's house. It was a lovely house,
with clean carpets. The last time a dog set food in this
place must have been long ago.

I began with the carpets. They were square carpets. The
thing I like about square carpets is that they make it
clear. I had pissed on each of the four corners of each
carpet. It was not a simple mission. I had to drink a lot of
water to accomplish it. By the time I did, I had emptied
most of the water bowl.

Then I could turn to the shoes. By the entrance, there was a
bench on which where lain at least four sets of shoes. I
took one of the big brown shoes. They smelled from real
leather. It had been quite a while since I dipped my teeth
in the soft texture of a real leather shoe. I bit on the
shoe strings; they felt like macaronis in my mouth. I tore
the leather so that the sole of the shoe was thrown on the
floor like leftover. It was a damn tasty one.

Then I took the high heeled pair. I grabbed them both in the
heels. Then I put my lap on the top of it. The column-shaped
hill broke apart easily. I was going to slip my tongue into
these sandals and I didn't want those heels in my way. The
sandals didn't have as much aroma as the brown shoes. That's
what I didn't like about ladies' shoes. They hardly smelled.
But they had all kinds of curves inside them, like the holes
where their feet curve in. I love to grind my tongue against
these little curves.

When I finally got bored with the shoes, I went back to the
living room. I decided to lie down on the big soft TV couch.
It swayed a little when I jumped on it. It was kind of
scary, yet kind of fun. I scratched the cloth of the couch,
in order to fix me a comfortable bed. I made a couple of
circles until I found the right posture.


Chapter Seven

I was running. Running after a snow-white-furred female dog.
She had a pink collar with a little bell that made pleasant
sounds as it swayed with her movements. She was running too.
I was chasing her. Her white fur was flying in the wind. We
were playing in the park. She held a big bone, the kind of
bones our owners give us when they buy new carpets or shoes.
She finally stopped. Between us was quite a distance. I
quickened my pace, running towards her. I felt the soft
grass squashing under my paws as I ran. The farther I went
the more I began to smell the mixed odors of shit and dog
shampoo. She must have eaten shit before she came to play
with me. No, that smell was better than shit! A withering!
Oh, it has been long since I smelled that. God, I was dying
to know what her ass smelled like! Faster, faster I ran. The
view on the park became a vision of smeared spots of green
and gray and blue. Only the white furred dog was in focus.
Her and her only. I could hardly catch my breath but I kept
on.

Then, I choke. I was stopped by the damn rope, cutting
against my throat as it tightened around my neck. It almost
broke my neck. God, it hurt! I opened my eyes. It was the
tall man's hand pulling me. I barked and recoiled, but the
hand was stronger. He pulled at my neck lease and got me off
the couch and out of the house. I didn't even know if it was
day or night but it was dark outside. He walked toward the
kennel. I recoiled. He kept pulling. I realized I had no
choice.

I didn't know what the fuck I was thinking when letting him
pet me the first time. He was like all strangers. They give
you food so they can tie you up. After all, the power was in
my hands. In my mouth, to be exact. I was the bulldog. He
was just the tall man with a soft hand and some muscles. I
acted. I used my muscled body to force his hands off me. I
hardly had to use my teeth. He broke his hold of me quickly
enough. I could be done with him, but I decided to let it
go. I had better things on my mind. Smoothly, I jumped
across the fence. In no time, I was out of this place, and
out in the street.

There were houses on each side of the road. I had absolutely
no idea where should I be going. On that case, I decided to
go left. That's what Terri used to do. Every time she had
lost her way back home, she went left. I knew this because
Terri used to loose her way plenty times. But for her it
worked because she always went right when we took the daily
walk. Naturally, I could smell the way back. But I had no
smell to hold on to in order to do so. I had actually had no
place to go to. But I was free. From that moment on, I had
to be careful not to get myself tied to trees again. I was
to trust no man, tall or short. And no woman. And no
children. No one. I was to trust no one.


Chapter Eight

Strolling in the streets, smelling the grass for traces of
shit or piss, I suddenly heard a familiar voice.

"Burf!" I pricked up my ears. "Burf!" It was definitely a
'burf'.

"Burf burf!" Now, that was another tone.

"Burf!"

"Burf burf burf!" Different tones combined and created a
symphony of barks. Each burf came from a different dog. Each
dog had a different smell. One smelled of mashed potatoes
and meat. Another of dry food. There was a smell of shit
from one's fur. Another's smelled from shampoo. Each smell
entered the atmosphere as a whole and was diffused into the
mixture of smells that created the aroma of the street. The
street smelled from flowers and grass and trees and wood and
piss and shit and cars. It was an unfamiliar aroma. I was
the new dog. Everyone greeted me. But I kept on. I kept
going left.

I reached what I thought was a park at the beginning, but it
was just a little point with little grass. I was tired, dog
tired. This little corner of innocent grass was something to
piss on. After I did, I had lain down and closed my eyes.


Chapter Nine

Tiny little voices troubled my ears. I had to wake up. I
hated it when I had to wake up. It made me want to eat the
first thing I see. That first thing was a ball. Not a small
tennis ball like the one the tall man gave me, but a big
one. The kind children kick when they play. It was a white
ball, with black stains on it. It rolled towards my
direction.

Smoothly I stuck my teeth in it, right between the little
stitches that kept the octagon shaped peaces of leather
together. It tasted more like rubber than real leather. It
was also a little muddy and wet from the grass. I heard a
shout. I knew something was wrong. I could guess this
something must have had something to do with the fact that I
had stuck my teeth between the stitches of this rubberish
ball.

Two pairs of wet young eyes were gazing at me. I had led
them down again. Mankind, go figure. They give you a ball,
you bite at it and their eyes get all wet. You would think
they had sand in their eyes, the way they dropped tears on
it.

I stepped away with a strange feeling. It's like that
feeling you feel when someone is looking at you, but you
keep walking, turning your back to him. You know he's
looking, but you can't look back. Plus, I had to continue. I
had a long day ahead, and an even longer way to walk. The
slight difficulty was that I didn't really know the way.

When people don't know their way in a new area, they have
their solutions. They have maps all over the streets. If
that doesn't work, they can ask someone. Even if they are
little and don't talk to strangers, someone will find them.
That's because when you're a person and get lost, there's
always someone looking for you.

In my case, no one was looking. My family knew exactly where
they left me. And they weren't going to pick me up. I knew
they weren't searching. They were the ones who left me in
the park to - what? To live? To die? I wasn't sure. But I
had to straighten that out with them. That's how it goes
with people. They get angry and throw you out, but when you
come back and wait at the doorsteps, eventually, they open
their doors. You simply have to wait. Maybe I should have
waited longer in the park? Maybe I shouldn't have come with
the tall man?

I didn't know where was I heading, but that place I was
heading to, must have some food in it. I followed the smell.
There was a familiar smell of fresh sandwiches, but that
smell came from the back bags of the little kids on their
way to school. I'd made myself a fool in the morning. It
didn't seem like they needed an encore. I kept sniffing and
walking in my nose sniff steps.

A bakery. What I needed was a bakery. I would sit in the
entrance, and pretend to be a poor dog until the seller's
eyes will meet my wet, thoughtful, doggish eyes and give me
my breakfast. All I had to do is find a bakery.

Or a restaurant. The park was by the sea. By the sea, there
were plenty of restaurants. All these restaurants fed people
with fishes. If you came along in the right time, they might
have feed you a fish too. Ohhh, I loved fishes. I mean, they
had sharp bones and shit, but their taste was still lovely.
I needed to find me a restaurant by the sea, with a lot of
fresh fishes, and an animals loving cook, to feed me. But I
wasn't sure where the park was, how far it was from here or
where was here, and what I smelled is not the sea.

The smell I smelled was the odor of men shampoo from the
hairs of the children. The fresh smell of water on grass.
The smell of burned petrol from the cars on the road, and
the smell of piss. My own piss, as marked my place at every
corner. This mixture of smells created 'here' - where I were
then.

I decided to walk on the gray road. Right between the right
and the left pavement. Terri wouldn't let me walk there if I
were with her. She wasn't a bad girl, Terri. Those were her
own parents who wouldn't let her walk on the gray. You
couldn't walk on the gray of the road when walking among
humans. Not even if you were a man. But I was alone. I could
walk on the gray as much as I wanted. The people around me
became worried, but I didn't have to give a damn, coz they
were strangers. So I didn't. Give a damn, that is.

I turned right this time. A big red car honked at me. I
tuned around. I'm not ashamed to admit my tiny cut tail had
turned towards my rear legs. It was a big red car. Its
bumper had almost touched my ass. I went back to pavements
ever since then.


Chapter Ten

It wasn't before I made a couple of right turns and a couple
of left turns that I finally began to smell something useful
on my way. I followed the smell. Fresh bread. I knew it! I
knew there must have been a bakery somewhere around here.
There was an old woman walking with smelly bags. I followed
her smelly footsteps. From the place she came from, there
was breakfast.

I had finally reached it. Lines and lines of bread rolls
were seen from the outside. Cookies, salt snakes, cakes, and
all made of flour. Unfortunately, none of these
delicatessens was dog-high. As if the owners knew to put the
shelves highly enough to keep dogs and children out of
reach.

My eyes were my only weapons. I didn't enter the shop. I
knew entering mean death sentence for my breakfast. It's a
thing about shop owners. They won't let a dog inside. They
will give you food if you wait at the entrance, but once
you've made the wrong step, they will kick you out of the
place before any of the customers sees you. It's almost as
if we were cockroaches, like we had infected the food by
simply walking in.

I didn't like that about mankind. Just because we eat dog
shit doesn't mean we're infecting food. We also eat bread
after all. It's not our fault that people don't eat dog
shit, or shit at all. I mean they must shit, but they don't
eat it. Or maybe they don't shit. I mean humans are
relatively smart (in their way). If they had shit, they must
have eaten it. On the other hand, and excuse me for the
embarrassing comparison, cats don't eat cats' shit. They
play with it when they're little, but don't actually eat it
like us dog.

At any case, I was sitting at the entrance, waiting for the
seller's eyes to meet mine. He was an old man, with a white
beard, almost as white as the apron he wore. He was busy
with serving an old lady who had trouble choosing between
two kinds of fresh bread. I didn't mind eating any of them.
But I had to wait for the old bitch to choose her bread and
leave the store. I was hoping no one would enter the store
after her. That would leave me in advantage against the
seller's pity.

However, as the old lady was still wavering, came another
man into the store and began to inspect the bread rolls. I
gave up the seller's eyes. He won't quit serving his
customers in order to give a dog his breakfast. I was after
the old lady all right, but before that young man with the
bread rolls. Plus I was hungrier than both. But I would be
the last to get service. People, go figure.

The old lady finally made her choice. That was my chance. It
wasn't a big chance, but if I would manage to capture her
attention in the short moment of her leaving the store, and
if she would be attentive enough to look into my eyes and
see the hunger in them, and if she would be human, I would
have a chance to have my breakfast.

But the woman looked straight when she went out of the
store. As a matter of fact, she almost ran into me. But then
she stopped. Her eyes were almost as gray as her hair. Her
mouth opened to a crack and it looked like she was about to
talk. I gazed at her, as poor as any bulldog can be. She
bent forward, inspecting me. Then she turned to the young
man inside the bakery.

I didn't know what she was saying. It sounded like a
question by the tone of her speech. The young man replied by
a shake of the head. I know how people shake their heads.
They do it differently from dogs. People are funny. They
shake their heads even when it's not wet and the only thing
falling out of their long human hairs is dust.

So, that old woman stood staring at me. I stared back and
hoped for good. I couldn't tell if she liked dogs. But
suddenly she reached a hand to pet my head. It was a good
sign, I hoped. First, the hand, then, hopefully, there will
be something in that hand for me.

I guess I was so busy with the old lady, that I didn't
notice the old seller coming closer. He gave me a piece of
bread. It was fresh bread. I think it was the freshest piece
of bread I ever saw, or tasted. It was still warm, crispy
from the outside but soft on the inside. I wanted to devour
it. But it was too hot. I indulged myself on every bite,
feeling the little chewed pieces going down through my
throat, warming my eager stomach.

I think the old lady was gone when I finished. I think the
young man in the store was gone either. I think there were
new people in the store. There was no water in the little
bowl the old seller gave me. I think the old seller was
still in the store. Nobody noticed me. I left the place.


Chapter Eleven

The streets were unfamiliar. I didn't see any dogs around,
only people. There were many cars on the road. The cars made
a lot of noise. I didn't quite know where I was, or how to
get back to the park from there. I thought I was on the
exact opposite direction. I kept walking on the pavement,
along the road. However, the road only led to a bigger road.
There were no pavements there. It didn't smell good. I
decided not to walk there.

I had to turn back. The sun was hot that day. It had hit my
head like hammers again. I was walking in the shadows of the
buildings, but the dark line of shadow got thinner and
thinner, until there was not enough of it to even cover my
head. The sad thing about that walk was that all this effort
was only in order to reach the exact point I came back from.
Only after I reach that point, would I be able to try again.
I knew I had different directions to try. I knew I had to
stay away from wide roads, with cars and stinky smell and
loud voices.

I missed my neighborhood. My neighborhood was quiet. I also
missed Lindsey. Lindsey was an old poodle dog who lived next
door. But she wasn't just a poodle. She wasn't one of those
fancy dogs with funny haircuts and shit. I mean her hair
looked funny, but not in a poodle way. It wasn't white like
poodle hair. It had blue, green, purple, and more colors I
couldn't even think of because they weren't dog colors. Her
owner also had such colors in his hair. She had a special
fragrance. I concentrated hard, attempted to remember the
exquisite taste of the air in my mouth when I smelled her
ass. Her owner would take her for a walk just when Terry
took me. She was trained, so she could walk free.

Terry never took me to training. She taught me to reach a
hand to shake hers and stuff like that, not real training.
But Lindsey... Oh, Lindsey was so trained that her owner had
let her walk free as he took her out. I remember when she
was young. Her owner took her to the garden Terri used to
take me. He and Terry were talking for a while. But me, I
couldn't get my eyes off Lindsey's ass. It was so purple and
green and blue. So unlike any dog I'd ever seen.

And she had that smell then. The smell that was burning in
the nose trails of every dog around the block. But there
were no dogs around the block. There were only Terri and the
kid with the funny colors in his hair. Lindsey was right in
front of me, smelling remnants of old shit on the grass. She
was so lovely. Her colorful hair was flying in the cool
evening wind. I had to wait for her to come near me. I had
to wait for her to smell my behind. When she finally did, I
jumped. Smoothly and easily. I'll have to ask you to excuse
my vulgarity, but I was a young dog back then, and didn't
know the facts of life.

So I slipped in, smoothly and easily. Easing my pain inside
her little behind. She was so tight and sweet as she rubbed
herself against me. At first Terri and the funny haired kid
didn't notice us. But then I heard them giggling. It was
really annoying having others giggling when you had to
concentrate. But damn, it was so good, so tight, I couldn't
help it. I concentrated hard, trying to memorize the feeling
of the cool wind against our warm bodies as we were grinding
to the sound of giggling in the garden.

I don't quite know the order of the events after that night
in the garden. However, ever since then, Lindsey never had
that smell that made your nose trails burn. She still
smelled real great though.

By the time I got back to the Bakery, I already had a
strange feeling. My walking didn't feel the same at all. I
was weak. It wasn't just weakness though. There was
something else. I wasn't ready to make the journey back to
the exact point where I came from. I knew I had to. I had to
reach the park. It was not impossible. All I had to do was
smell. And then follow. I had to follow people who seem like
they are on their way to the park. But how do people look
like when they are on the way to the park?

I wished I could fall asleep and wake up tied to a tree.
Like the way it all began. Well, it actually began before
that. I wished I could fall asleep and wake up where and
when it all had begun. Actually before that. Just a little
before that. I wish I could fall asleep and wake up under
Terri's bed. Everything would be nice and quite. I would
wake Terri up by rubbing the tip of my wet nose against her
hand. She always had either a hand or a leg falling out of
bed, hanging in the air. I would use that to wake her up.
She wouldn't react at first, but then she would move. First,
she would move a little, then more. Then she would get up.
She would rub her hand against the clothe of her pajamas,
wiping it off. She would sit on her bed and rub her eyes
open. They wouldn't open immediately. But when her eyes
would open, she would get up. She would go to the other
room. Then, she would come back, all dressed, with my lease
in her hand. Then, she would take me for a walk. I would
meet Lindsey, or I would not. The important thing is that I
would begin another day. And that day would be over. And
then there would be another day, and another, and another.
And I wouldn't be here, searching for the way back to where
I came from.


Chapter Twelve

I walked. I had no idea where to turn to. Dogs were barking,
but I didn't react. People were staring, but I kept on
walking, with my tiny cut tail turning towards my rear legs.
I couldn't tell whether I was walking on the road or on the
pavement. I paid no attention. My legs were weak. My eyes
were almost shut. I began to realize that I wasn't going
anywhere in particular. I had that feeling once. It was
before Terri found me. Poor Terri. She gave me food, water,
a carpet under the bed and even toys. But she took it away.
The toy, that is.

I remember everything. She gave me that bone which had a
funny color. It wasn't a real bone, like the ones chicken
have after you finish devouring their wings. It was a
strange bone. It smelled like dog food. It also tasted like
dog food. And it was huge. It would have taken me weeks to
finish eating it. So, I decided to play with it a little.
And just when I was really getting into it, I felt it being
pushed out of my mouth. To my surprise, it was the same hand
that gave it to me that took it away. I roared. The hair on
my back bristled. Poor Terri. She ain't gon' feed no dog no
more.

The cars' noises sounded stronger. Real strong. Like a horn
beeping next to my very ear. And then it hit me. I was
knocked to the floor of the road by an immense power. It
didn't really hurt at first. It was all too quick for me to
feel pain. But the minute my body hit the road it hit me.
The pain in my ribs and head was strong. For a couple of
moments I couldn't see or hear well. I didn't smell
anything. I believe my nose was dry.

People were trying to reach me, but I didn't let them. I
couldn't bark so I exposed my canine teeth. That kept them
away. I didn't want any people touching my fur, giving me
water, food or toys. People are a weird species. They give
and then they take it away. They make you happy till you
lick their faces and then they make you so angry that you
bite them. That moment I wanted no more people.

I couldn't have been asleep for longer than a couple of
moments. But when I woke up my eye sight was clear once
again. I could hear the sound of a tear dropping on a cheek
of a kid from the next block again. But what was important
was that I could smell. And oh, what a smell it was! I
though I'd never smell any of these odors again. I knew
right were I was. Like a dog knows. Terri used to walk her
on her way back from school. 'There is an ice cream shop
right over - there! Right. And a grocery shop right, right,
right, right - Here!' Ohhh. I knew where I was. I didn't
know exactly how to get to my destination, but I was no
longer worried. From there, it was just a couple of turns
right, maybe a turn left, a U turn and...


Chapter Thirteen

It was Aaron who opened the door first. His hair looked
different. It was longer. He was unshaved. With his looks,
if he wasn't a man he could have been a stray dog. He didn't
look like no stray dog the last time I seen him. He was on
his way to work. I could tell by the case he had under his
hand. He was shocked to see me. His eyes were wide open and
he covered his mouth with his hand. He came right back in
and closed the door. This whole situation was kind of
strange to me. Wasn't he going to let me in? I heard
whispering coming from behind that closed door. Was Aaron
still angry? I kept sitting by the door, listening, trying
to decipher their language. But it was impossible. I could
hardly hear. The voices were weak but there was something
else. It was something in the situation that bothered me. I
felt pain in my chest. The pain was so strong that I could
hardly hear. It was as though suddenly my dog-ears turned
human. And it's known that humans can't hear what's said
behind closed doors.

Finally, the door was opened. It was Joe's turn to cover
mouth with her hand.

"Salami" She whispered.

'Salami' was the name Terri gave me because it was the first
thing she gave me to eat. She was holding a sandwich the
first time we met. She offered me some. I was... well...
it's not so pleasant. I was a stray dog. I was rolling in
the streets, fighting other stray dogs. How I got there, I
can't remember. That was too long ago. But I wasn't just any
stray dog. Terri knew that. Terri knew I was a purebred
bulldog. That's why she gave me the Salami from her
sandwich. That's why she took me home.

'Yes ma'am, Salami is back, and wouldn't resist eating one!'
Joe opened the damn door wider. She let me in. Aaron was
already at the kitchen, filling a bowl with water. Joe kept
staring at me with her mouth covered. I didn't like that
feeling at all. I wanted both of them to stop staring at me.
They had pity in their eyes. They looked at me like... like
I was some poor dog from the street. I didn't like that look
at all. But after the look came water, and bread, and
salami. I was home again.

It wasn't before No Longer Angry Joe and Aaron went to their
bed that I dared to climb up the stairs, and into Terri's
bedroom. I pulled the door slightly open with the tip of my
nose. The oh so familiar mixture of odors flooded my nose
trails. There was floor soap and laundry soap, and fresh air
perfume. But there was something missing. The odor of the
body lotion, the sweet girls' perfume, the slight smell of
sweat from the shoes. I stepped inside. The room was empty.
I walked towards the empty bed. There was a soft tiny carpet
there, my carpet. They didn't throw my carpet. I sat on the
carpet. It felt strange. I'd never felt that before. I began
to howl. I howled like a jackal. I couldn't stop. In the
back of my head, I heard Joe and Aaron from the other room.
They were moving in their bed, weeping.


Chapter Fourteen

The sounds from the kitchen floor woke me up in the morning.
There was an argument down stairs. I knew it was an argument
by the tone of the short sentences that were coming out of
Joe and Aaron's mouths. Not so angry Joe and Aaron were once
again angry.

They could have been arguing about the place of the milk in
the fridge. I mean, they used to have those kinds of
arguments. I remember Terri used to get mad at them. You
could actually see how Joe took the milk carton and put it
standing in the door of the fridge and then Aaron took the
very same carton and put it lying on one of the fridge
shelves. Those kinds of arguments were almost amusing.
Amusing. That's what you say when something is rather stupid
then funny, but you don't want to insult it.

However, something told me that they weren't arguing about
any milk that morning. I listened carefully. I didn't catch
a word because everything was said so fast and quietly, as
if they knew I was listening. I cocked my ears. I managed to
catch 'the dog'. They were arguing about 'the dog'.

Then it was quite again. Too quite. I waited. I felt funny.
I didn't really know what to do with myself. Should I sit or
lie? Should I stand? Should I get down to the kitchen and
ask for breakfast or should I get back to my room, Terrie's
room and lie back on my carpet? A couple of moments passed
like this. In silence, with me not knowing what to do.

Eventually, I heard a voice. It was Joe. Joe was calling for
Salami to come back down and eat his breakfast. It was me
she was calling. I went down and got my breakfast.

Two bowls were lying near the wall facing the kitchen table,
one filled with water, the other one filled with food. Joe
and Aaron were standing behind the table, staring at me. I
kept eating with my head bent down. I felt two pairs of eyes
gazing at my back, but I didn't dare to look back at them.

The food had a funny taste that morning. It had almost
remained stuck in my dry throat. The water was water. Every
puppy would know it. But it didn't feel like water that
morning. Nothing felt right. Everything was either too dry
or too wet. The hunger I felt when I woke up was gone. Yet I
kept on chewing food and sipping water way after I was full.
I chewed slowly, playing with the food in my mouth. Joe and
Aaron were waiting for me to finish that food but I couldn't
bring myself to do it. I was full, but I couldn't bring
myself to stop eating.

When I finally did, Aaron tied me to my lease. He didn't
look me in the eyes when he did it. He had also put my mouth
barrier on. He had never done that. I remember when they
said they have to put mouth barriers on dogs and they bought
me this barrier. It had smelled and tasted like plastic. It
made me sick to even smell it from afar. Aaron had told
Terri to put it on me once. Not without a serious effort had
she managed to lock it up. But it didn't hold for too long.
It was before a minute had passed that I freed myself from
the damn plastic.

However, that day, I didn't even try to get myself freed.
The terrible smell of the plastic was still there, but it
fitted well with the ugliness I felt altogether. I simply
followed my owner as we went out of the building.

Joe came with us. She stayed in the car though. I didn't
know why she did that. I didn't stop to think about it. I
simply smelled the wet pavement for traces of piss and shit.
Right near the garbage can. I knew there would be something
to smell there. But the piss didn't smell quite the same
that morning. It was not as arousing. I lifted my one leg.
There wasn't too much to piss. I think I didn't even wet the
garbage can. I didn't feel like pissing at all.

But I kept walking. It hasn't been more that a couple of
days since I last walked in that street and smelled that
pavement. However, the smell was no longer familiar. It was
as if I'd forgotten what the street by my block smelled
like.

I didn't get to memorize the smell before Aaron made a U
turn. Instead of returning home, he turned to his wife Joe
and opened the car door for me. I smelled the inside of the
car. That smell was like a De-ja-Vu. I'd been there before.
I knew it. Were they planning to take me to the park again?
I got in.

Nobody spoke during the ride. There was only the sound of
someone speaking from the big box between Joe and Aaron,
which I knew as 'The Radio'. And there was music. My head
was tilted down. I tried to keep my eyes closed but found
myself staring at the carpet beneath the back of the
passenger seat. Aaron gave me a look through the mirror from
time to time. He didn't look me in the eyes when he did.
I sat like this till it became uncomfortable for my legs and
my neck. Then I had to change to a different posture. I
didn't look at Joe or Aaron when I did.

I looked outside. I didn't recognize the view. There were
trees, but they weren't the trees I'd known. There were
people, but they didn't seem familiar. There were pavements
on which I'd never walked. It wasn't the park they were
heading. I thought I knew their destination. They used to
take me there, maybe once a year. I remembered the last time
they took me there. It was right before they took me to the
park and tied me to that tree.


Chapter Fifteen

There were plenty of dogs there, each with its tail hung
between its rear legs. We were almost all dogs and dog
owners, yet each one of us was afraid. There were those
small pinchers who barked at everything they noticed, living
or dead. There were poodles who sat proudly, smelling the
air waiting for the yearly visit at the vet. Other dogs were
wounded or sick. It was apparent by the look in their eyes
and their dry noses. Some of these dogs were lying down,
some were sitting. Some were standing and wiggling their
tails. Others didn't have any tail to wiggle.

At the far corner of the waiting room sat a boxer dog. He
had a clean and shiny fur. His nose was wet. It was apparent
that he wasn't sick. But he didn't wiggle his tail or bark
like every other healthy dog that came here for the yearly
visit at the vet. He sat staring. His gaze was not focused.
I could tell. His proud head was slightly bent. I couldn't
help gazing at that dog. He had a mouth barrier like the one
I had, but it didn't seem like he needed it. He didn't
respond to any of the living creatures in the room, dogs, or
dog owners. He didn't even eye the proud cats that were
lying in their cages, scared to death. My heart went to that
boxer.

The vet's room's door was opened. A girl with a wounded cat
on her hands came out smiling and petting her pet's fur. The
cat also seemed happier. Suddenly I felt my lease being
pushed. It was Aaron. He and his wife were standing, waiting
for me to join them. I remained sitting in my place. I'd
been there once before. I wasn't going to let nothing take
me there a second time. My legs were stretched. I had to use
all my force. And I had a force. Don't forget I was a
bulldog. But Aaron didn't give up. He pushed with all his
strength. Joe joined him in the effort. She stood behind me
grabbed my body and pulled. Millimeter by millimeter, I was
moved. I scratched the floor but to no avail. I was doomed
to get into the vet's room.

Hmmm... it tasted like chicken. Chicken flavor.
Grrrrrrrrrrrr! Rrrrrrrr! Rrrrrrrrrrugh! Hmmmmmm... That...
that was... chicken... a real chicken... and it was big!
Big... like a human bone. A human bone it was! It was a
HUMAN BONE! I took a step back to look at it. The whole
thing was too fast. Faster than thinking. It was faster that
my ears could hear and faster than my nose could smell. But
the smell dwelled. I could hear the echo of the screaming in
my ears as I stared helpless at the bone. My head became
heavy on my neck. My neck was heavy on my body. My body was
heavy on my legs. I had lain down. But there was no air. No
air at all. I felt pain growing in my head, like it was
running empty. My eyes widened and almost popped out of my
eyeballs. I was running out of air. I opened my mouth wide,
but there was not air to breath. I opened my eyes.

His eyes were cold, filled with anger as he stared back at
me. He had this look in his eyes once when he took me to the
vet after the... event. Back then, my poor doggish eyes had
softened his gaze. But this time, those were a stranger's
eyes. There was no compassion in them. All the regret in the
world couldn't comfort this guy. I prayed I could be
anywhere but here. I would rather be tied to a tree, feeling
the rope tight around my neck. I didn't know how I got back
there. I remembered the events. The park, the tall man's
house, the street, the bakery. I guessed, like Terri used to
say, what's done is done. And I was done.

I felt a little pinch in the back of my rear leg. Then I got
tired, dog tired.