Last night God spoke to me. The God with a capital G. He
came to my bedroom, woke me up and said 'I am your God'. I
said 'you are not God and I must be going crazy' which made
God very upset and with a roar he said 'I am your lord God,
and you shall follow my holly word'.
This was all very unsettling, and nothing like that ever
happened to me before. I wasn't quite sure how to handle the
situation as I clearly knew that there was no God, and if
that was true then I was obviously loosing my mind.
So my first act of faith was trying not to upset God again.
I politely asked God to please be calm, but that I do not
believe in God. 'I know' he told me. 'That is why I have
chosen you to spread my word'.
'Oh'
'You will believe' he said. 'And then you will spread my
word. And they will believe you.'
'They?'
'My people'
'Oh,' I wasn't sure what to say. 'So who's God are you? What
kind of God are you?'
'I am The God. The God of the earth and the sky, of man and
beast. The God of the stars and the moon and sea.'
'OK I get it, but surely you have been revealed before, to
Moses or Muhammad, or was it Jesus? Why me now?'
'Never have I spoken to another mortal' he said and thus
reaffirmed a lifetime of Religious scepticism. 'And you,
when you believe in your lord God, will be the one people
will listen to.'
'People never listen to me' I tried. 'And besides, how will
you make me believe? Because right now I think this is not
so much a revelation but more an hallucination.'
'I will give you a sign' he said.  'In the morning your
doubt will be gone.'
'If you can eradicate doubt so easily, what need do you have
of me? Why not just remove the doubt from the hearts of your
people? What need do you have for a prophet?'
God set down on my bed and touched my shoulder. His old eyes
soft he was looking at me. 'There is no faith without doubt'
he said. 'I don't want the people to believe, I want them to
have faith. I am not a miracle man or a magician, I am God.
My people will only be able to respect me if they will have
to overcome doubt in order to believe in me.'
'Why now then?' I insisted, 'we were doing just fine for
millions of years without a word from our Lord God, we build
civilisations and empires and houses and cars and culture
and art and banks, we have been feeding ourselves and curing
ourselves and believing in other, false gods. Why now?'
God sighed, he was looking down at the floor and raised his
gaze to me 'I was gone for a while and now I'm back. You
will have no other gods beside me. Not anymore.'
I was contemplating the huge upset that might cause to
Muslims and Jews, Christians and Sikhs, people that for so
long were free to believe whatever they wanted. 'That all
sounds awfully familiar' I said. 'are you familiar at all
with a bit of our history? These Devine conversations are
told to have taken place many a time.'
'This is not history you are talking about' God fired back.
'This is fiction, fiction told by people in need of faith.
And true faith I came to restore.'  
My doubt was still undisturbed. God was sitting there on the
edge of my bed and he looked so young and beautiful but his
eyes were old. And an obscure thought suddenly took shape.
'And why is it that you look so familiar? What is this shape
you have taken, and why do I feel like I know it so well?'
God looked surprised 'why, I have taken your shape, of
course, your pale skin and green eyes and this human body'
I looked hard 'but this is not what I look like' i said.
'This is not what you look like, and yet it is what you are.
If you look in the mirror this is not the image you'll see,
but if you look at yourself and not at the mirror this is
what you'll see. Your self in your dreams - this is me.'
I relaxed a little bit. This was sitting better with with
what I always believed. God is within me. I am my own God.
'Don't get me wrong' said God who was probably reading my
mind. 'This is not a philosophical trick. I could have taken
any shape, and I'm sure you would have liked it much better
if I were to take the shape of some beautiful woman, but I
am not you nor do I live inside you. I am Lord God creator
of all things.'
'Oh' I said somewhat disappointed. 'So what is it that I
should convey to your people?' The doubt was evident in my
voice 'And what is it that will make them believe?'
'I am your Lord God'
'Yes, you said...'
'My people will believe because I am the only truth. Because
in my absence there will be chaos, and chaos will be your
beacon of light, chaos will be the sign I shall give you.'
A hole like opened in the centre of my abdomen and I could
feel my stomach falling, I couldn't see anymore, I could
only feel, and the feeling was emptiness and despair, like
nothing ever mattered and will never matter again. And from
the emptiness came immense  sadness that paralysed my lungs,
I could hardly breath but I could feel my face was wet with
tears. And inside the pain, like commentary to a bad horror
film God's voice reverberated.
'This is my sign, this is my absence, this is your godless
world, your void. You will take a pen to paper and put this
down as my Holly Word. You will tell them of the pain and of
the sign I have given you. You will tell them of the abyss
that is your soul now. I am your Lord God and this is the
word you will carry to my people.'

And I did.
And you will listen.
And you will believe.


April 2016