Sometimes I feel like my life has no meaning. What's the
point really? If I can't see past my own limitations then I
can never really achieve anything. What am I but a piece of
nothing? A spoiled kid, who will die in her parents' home,
tucked safely in her overpriced bed that had never been used
for anything but sleep. Boring sleep. How much can one
person sleep really? Alone in my own bubble, in this endless
state of being and yet not being. I'm a nonbeing, that's
what I am. I go through life searching for something...
something! I wish I knew what it was, and I wish I had
the energy to search for it, I mean really search for it.
It's... it's something. I lose track of my thoughts
sometimes, I'm too lazy to even hold on to a single thought.
What are thoughts but means for our inner demons to find
expression? I can't hold on to these demons. I'm afraid of
them. If I hold on to a thought long enough it will devour
me, it will take on a life of its own and reveal things to
myself that I don't want to know. Well that's silly, isn't
it? How can a person hide things from himself? Hello, its
called subconscious! Maybe I have a split personality, what
is it called? Bipolar disease? It's hard to tell what's real
anymore. I can barely get myself out of bed, let alone
actually do something productive with my time. I can recite
complete sentences from silly TV shows. That's sad.  Pop
Culture at its finest. When did I become this person? How
does an energetic street kid become an immobile young adult
who fears the outer world? Do I fear the outer world, or am
I just that lazy? Probably a mixture of both. I have no
problem admitting negative things about myself, but when
someone else tells me those things I flip out. Why is that?
Because in some way I am what you say I am. What does that
mean really? Other than a catchy Eminem's song? I'm stuck. I
need air. I need to change something, but I can't. That's a
terrible word. Can't! Oh sure I can, I just have to decide
and act. Sounds easy enough. But then life isn't easy, is
it? It's not just me, is it?... is it?