ring ring
ring ring
ring ring the phone rang in a fashion shared by most
phones.
"But I don't want to install DirectX 9.1" screamed Rami as
he woke up from his nightmare. He wiped the drool on the
side of his mouth, got up from his computer desk he fell
asleep on last night and walked slowly towards the phone.
"Good morning" mumbled Rami in a tired voice.
"brr brr blr" said a voice from the other side.
"No I am not interested in buying a Sword of Dragon
Slaying."
"br brrbr br ber?"
"Also not the Ring of Power."
"brbr brbrbr... br?"
"Yes not even if it is the One Ring."
"brbr brrr br br br."
"Three payments, really?... No I can't right now."
"br br."
"Goodbye."
Stupid salesman, Rami thought to himself as he was about to
return to his natural habitat. The doorbell rang, although
it was the same ring every time, it always seemed that it
was ringing differently when Gill was at the door. Different
in a way that resembled the sound of flushing down a dead
turtle.

Dortmund began to bark, in a manner that only demon
possessed dogs can. Rami walked to the door and opened it
very carefully.
"Hello" Gill said in a typical joy, which characterize
people whose head is for balance purposes only.
"Hi Gill" Rami replayed
"Oh look, there is Lassie."
"Call me like that again and I'll bite your hand off"
Dortmund Said
Gill entered the house. Rami closed the door behind him and
returned to his computer.
"Rami, did you know that your dog is trying to kill me? "
"What makes you think that" Rami said while not averting his
eyes from the computer screen.
"Every time I see him he starts glowing in all those weird
colors. Besides that he wrote "Die Gill" in blood on the
wall"
"I wrote that" said Rami and shifted his gaze from the
screen to Gill.
"So... Whatch'a doing?" he said ignoring that last remark.
"Nothing. Downloading stuff from the Internet, mostly games
and music. I've downloaded almost 400 GB already."
"You haven't left the house in 4 days. Don't you have a job
to go to?"
"I got fired."
"Apparently they actually wanted me to work there... Can you
imagine that, I know my rights" Rami looked back at the
screen and clicked something on his keyboard "I've got the
right to get paid whilst doing nothing. It is one of my
fundamental rights as a human being."
"It is?" asked Gill
"It ought to be. How do they expect me to work two days a
week for a salary of mere 10,000 grand a month?"
"And I'm stupid" thought Gill to himself
"Have you even fed the dog in the past days? He look
famished" Gill changed the subject
"I invited you, didn't I?" said Rami.
kehh kehh Dortmund Giggled in the background.

Meanwhile, deep inside the fridge, a couple of monitors
working peacefully over the years began to beep frantically,
in a way that wouldn't have disgraced an alarm signal of a
diving plane. An old red phone Rang in M's office. M took on
another sip from his coffee; lighted his cigar and picked up
the phone.
"Sir, we've a code 3" said the clerk on the other side of
the phone
"Where?" M asked.
"Right here boss."

You are probably wondering about what the hell is code 3...
For many years it is well known that a large amount of data
compressed into one tiny dot can cause holes in the
space-time continuum.
It is all because that the data quantity in the n2 dimension
is translated to force according to the sigma pai of binary
allantropic space.
And this could only mean trouble.

"Get me the A-TEAM" M screamed hoping to get the desired
effect.
"Why them?" asked the clerk on the phone.
"Because only they can build a Tank using an ash-try and
three rusty can openers. And besides I like their theme
music."
"Well... we can't get them"
"What?!"
"They have retired in the 80's..." the clerk paused "Sir" he
added hoping it will soften the blow.
The cigar fell from M's mouth as he heard the bad news and
went into a momentary shock. Because of the cosmic changes
in the space-time continuum, the cigar has been animated and
like most newly created he quickly developed a survival
instinct and moved towards a safe haven. Although he has
just received his life he understood the fact that not until
recently he was just a cigar and now he has fallen 2m to the
ground. A pain sensation came from the end which was wet and
chewed, a fact that really bothered him and made him
question his sexual tendencies. Another fact that really
bothered him was that his other end was burning.
"Ahh... O.K..." Said M eventually
"What is our other option" asked the clerk who was a little
frightened.
"I would start making my peace with the world"
"Aren't you giving a little too soon?"
"Nope, we are all doomed"
The hole in the space-time continuum made a cosmic macaroni
out of reality and created a time vortex, which looked like
a color palate of blind painter with Parkinson. As a general
rule all unnatural vortexes must contain at least a million
colors, depending on the graphic card of course.

One of the primal mammals who was engaged in the process of
reproduction, which translates into mounting his female
mate, found himself, after a short scramble in time,
mounting a house, whose occupants didn't really liked their
new ornament.
Chaos raged in the world, and after some time took a break
and found himself a quiet corner in the pacific - primal
forces have their rights too, you know. People ran in amok
in the streets, lighting and fire storms destroyed cities
all and all it was fun.

Meanwhile back in Rami's place oblivious to the horror
outside. Rami was busying himself with the downloading
process.
"Say Rami, why do you even need all of this you don't even
like music."
"Because then I'll have a reason to put earphones on and
ignore stupid people"
"What is this song? Graben ucthen juden - do you even know
what you are downloading?"
"No" answered Rami

"Isn't there an old prophecy about a hero, whose destiny is
to save this world, carrying some unusual and powerful
artifact? Some sword with a weird name like the Flame of
Fire?" screamed the frightened clerk over the phone.
"Destiny? I wouldn't count on her... She is never home and a
two timing bitch if I might add. And tell me how am I
suppose to predict those kind of things?!"  
"It is your job! What are you doing all day in that
office?!"
"I'm building a puzzle"
After a few moment of awkward silence, which usually occur
after an employee finds out that his boss doesn't have an
actual job...
"What about the Fix-It-All Handle?" asked the clerk
"Erm... that could work"

"God this ending sucks" said Rami "too bad it can't fix this
story"